Brain Storm: Things I Should Have Known At 20

If there's one thing I would tell myself when I was younger, it would be "self righteous-ness gets you nowhere". That got me so uptight and socially inadequate.

 

http://theburiedlife.tumblr.com/post/24011465597/20-things-i-should-have-known-at-20

Brain Storm: The One Left Behind

Spoiler ahead for the short film Time.

So I went for a screening of a few films with the theme "The One Left Behind". You can probably guess what is it about. I didn't really appreciate half of it. But one of it was quite sad.

The film opens with an ex couple sitting facing each other. The guy tries to show concern for the girl. The girl replies to his questions by writing on a piece of paper, as if she can't speak.

The guy ask her how is she. She did not reply to the question, instead she ask him why did he go and why did he not say a thing when he left. The guy replied that he couldn't.

The film switches to the girl's point of view, looking at the corner of the table. The chair of the guy is empty with only his shirt on it.

Back to frontal view, the girl continues to write emotional stuff. She ask if he would stay there for her. He said he doesn't know, only she would know. He promised to be there for as long as he can, but yet says he cannot promise.

She writes if she made him happy. Again he said he doesn't know, only she would know.

The film switches to the girl's point of view. The chair is empty again. Then she stands up, and starts speaking out and apologising that she didn't mean to blame him.

 

I only guessed what really happened at the end when she started speaking out. The subtle hints that the script writer used was quite good. You probably can guess what happened. The guy has died, without saying good bye. From the start, the girl was writing a letter to him because he wasn't there to listen. He said he doesn't know if she made him happy because he's not there to tell her anymore, so she has to believe whatever she thinks is the case, whether she did or she did not.

In many stages of our lives, we live people behind. No matter what your excuse is, when you move on to the next segment of your life, someone is bound to be left behind. Naturally a more powerful occurrence is when you leave someone dear to you, or vice versa.

I guess a lot of times, there are things we take for granted when we're attached to someone, knowledge that we assume to be the truth. When the detachment happens, you wonder things like why did it have to end up like that, what went wrong, and if the whole relationship meant something at all. Even if the detachment did not come from death, it is unlikely that you'll be able to get the answer anyway. Even if you did get an answer, it's probably just a patronizing one.

"Did I make you happy?" No answer, only what you believe it to be.

But I hope I did.

Tech Speak: Zombies, Run!

I recently picked up a running app which is for sale in hopes to keep up my resolution of keeping healthy. Like any other running app, it keeps track of your distance and timing. However the key difference is you play missions to make running fun. Zombies, Run! is a story where you're in a zombie infested world (aren't we in all the games?) where you play as a runner for Abel town doing missions which requires you to, well, run. Putting on your ear piece, the app will play the mission out to you during "cut scenes" and in between stories you can choose to play music as well as let zombies chase you. If you choose to let the zombies chase you, you will have to pick up your pace when they get closer. This adds to the fun. You will also pick up items along the way which you can use to upgrade your town facilities such as hospitals. Though the storyline may say stuff like "the zombies are right ahead, you need head right" or "I need you to cut into the abandoned hospital to get some medicine", you just need to keep going straight. No safety concerns here except when you need to speed up if the zombies are after you.

If there's one complaint I have, it's the review of your runs can only be done on their website zombiesrungame.com. However the review is quite detailed as you can see below. You can even see your speed and route. Upgrading of your town can be done in the app or on a browser.

The app cost $9.81 SGD usually and is going at 50% off, $4.90 SGD for "new year resolution sale". The sale has been around for quite a long time so I suggest you get it soon before it ends. There's another version which gives you a training program so that you can reach a running distance of 5km at one go as well. It's quite a bit cheaper and going at 75% off now but I think Zombies, Run! is a better choice.

Zombies, Run!

Zombies Run! 5k Training

Ramblings: Lousy Celebrator

I think there's something about me being a companion for birthdays. It seems that I totally suck at it. I guess it's partly because of the unromantic-ism that I've been accused of having. The last 3 people I celebrated birthdays with all had a bad time. In fact I think they all forgot about it already. I think people would steer clear of me from now on. When will I learn?

Event: Significant Events of 2012

January

1 Cycling on New Year with Qing Song

4 New year KTV with the gang

14 Made Pineapple tarts with Calvin and friends

February

10 Made V-day roses orders

13 V-day dinner 1

14 V-day dinner 2

18 CAC+US concert with Qing Song

22 Tested negative for HIV

March

10 Celebrated my birthday with Qing Song

15 Celebrated our birthdays with Calvin

16 Celebrated my birthday with EE gang

17 Attended NUS Open House

17 Celebrated my birthday with Tsun Wang and Guan Wen

17 Got severe food poisoning

31 Attended HTC One X opening ceremony with Hai

April

1 OG chalet and BBQ

4 Attended Kent Ridge Ministerial Forum

20 Shop for snacks for exams

26 End of exams

May

8 Demise of HTC Desire Z

12 Celebrated Qing Song's birthday with him

15 Meet up with Leonard and 2E4 gang

25 Trip to Zoo with platoon mates

27 Yet Con dinner with the gang

June

2 Wushu gathering

9 Resonance concert Vocal Obsession V

12 Got a iphone 3GS from Jason

15 Met brother's teachers and taught them a lesson for being incompetent

16 BBQ with Turks OG

25 Massage at Roxy Square

July

5 Danny's birthday celebration with the gang

12 Attended senior's commencement ceremony

19 CAC Camp gathering

27 Special Semester finals

August

4 - 8 Engin Oweek with new OG Necro

7 Send Danny off

10 Rag day

20 Send brother off to Japan

24 Send Leonard off

September

8 CAC internal elections

22 Chin Hua's farewell dinner

October

21 Celebrated Hai's birthday with him

27 Went to USS Halloween with OG mates

28 Went for Starbucks members sale

November

9 Send Zuli off

13 - 17 Project Presentations

17 Attended Adeline's 21st birthday party

December

4 End of exams

5 Gathering with the gang

10 Bidding farewell

10 - 15 ICT

25 Christmas brunch at Food For Thought with EE gang

Brain Storm: Reflection Coefficients

2011 was the worst year I ever had. 2012 wasn't easy too. In fact I think it was way worse. But somehow it didn't feel as bad, I think I'm really worn down already. At the tender age of 23? I think I'm still too young to be so negative. But there you have it. Desensitization is bound to happen if events come one after another. Perhaps it's because I have learnt nothing. In the end the year of 2012 was a lousy one cause all I faced was false accusations one after another. At the end of the way I don't even know if it's because I didn't put in enough effort, I was oblivious to the situations, or I simply weren't doing it right. I had enough of the fate shit so well it's time to blame someone. Me or someone else I don't know but enough of the destiny shit. I got to know some new friends but I'm glad I kept them as friends and nothing more. Enough complications with my life right now.

I think from now on resolutions shouldn't be "goals". It's just not gonna work. Instead, resolutions should function like motivations which serve to make you a happier person. It can be long term or short term. If I want to be a better person, I would be able to do that if I'm happier. So first, let's make myself happy and maybe healthier first.

Okay here's the review of the past year's resolutions.

1) Keep fit and pass my IPPT within the first holidays.

Failed and need to do RT by march. Sigh.

2) Study way harder.

Studies have stablized. Not good, but at least I'm not sinking anymore.

3) Hone my focus. This includes not setting expec­ta­tions on things which I shouldn't and setting expec­ta­tions on things I should. Walking away when I’m supposed to, sleeping when I should be.

I think I totally didn't keep this in mind the entire year. I was just cemented into the ground and stuck on the same page not even trying to escape.

4) Man­age my money better.

Well I think in this aspect I did far better this year despite the fact that I had very little tuition and income. Or maybe it's because someone else was keeping me afloat for at least the first half of the year. Maybe.

5) Learn some new skills, java would be good.

Well I didn't learn any skills. Maybe I know a bit more about C but that's it.

 

Right now I'm still dealing with all the problems that rolled over from 2011. Actually they're all over already. But I'm choosing to cling on like the idiot that my evil twin says I am. But hey a boring life is a not fun either. Not that it's fun now. Most of 2012 was a stalemate anyway. There wasn't any game to play except to make myself feel pitied yet dignified. On the bright side, it's not affecting me so much now. For the first time in my university life, I actually understood what I was reading. I think I got used to it already. But I suppose there's enough of a stalemate so far. In 2013, there should be some progress of some form. Maybe not in my emotional life, but it's time to pick up internship and look at how I'm gonna live in the future. It won't be long before I graduate. Let's get on it.

 

For 2013, some goals and resolutions would be,

1) Keeping my health up.

More fruits, healthier meals, more exercises. I think my waist is finally not holding up anymore. Maybe 24 years old would be the gone case year for me. Better watch it. Also thinking of taking up Mix Martial Arts but that's more for me to bash people up. We'll see about that.

2) Pick up a new skill

Seriously, still java. I better start on it.

3) Blog more. Look into freelance writing.

My alternate blog has been under going preparations since forever. Maybe I can earn some income with this.

4) Learn to heck care and accept my situation

I think a lot of times it's less painful to be hopeful and just accept what is happening. Second guessing what is possibly happening is the worst route to go. Assume the worst, shut off the world.

5) Shun unappreciative people

Like people who forget about the big things I do for them. Shall try to be as not petty as possible. But honestly this lack of appreciation is haunting me with angst and emo-ness.

6) Learn to hate

Takes time but with enough darkness I think I can hone love into hate. Let's try.

7) Not be a hypocrite

I need to chant this mantra from now on. I hate liars, so I shall not lie. I hate people who don't appreciate me, so I shall show my appreciation. I hate emotional deceiving people so I shall try not to lead people on.

8) Keep others out of my emotional life until further notice.

Sorry sweethearts, I'll take a year to recuperate. I want to deal with what are already in my hands.

 

I think I should print this out and paste this on my desk.

Tech Speak: What I To See In The Tech Scene In 2013

I wrote about what I want to see in the technological scene in 2011 http://infinite.acperience.net/2011/01/what-i-want-to-see-in-the-tech-scene-in-2011/
and I missed it for 2012. So here's my take for 2013.

In 2012, we saw that technological advancement is still not slowing down. There was a huge turn out of different mobile devices and the tablet scene is finally picking up the pace. Dirt cheap tablets are coming in. Personal assistant Siri and Google Now had a bit of spotlight as well. Battery capacities are finally starting to increase. Apple played punk by releasing 2 iPads within a year. They also showed that an older architecture doesn't necessarily mean a lesser chip with A6. Frankly 2012 was a disappointing year. I wasn't impressed with a single Android phone. Galaxy S3 Touchwiz UI is still ugly as hell. HTC and Motorola finally unlocked their bootloaders for many phones but it was still difficult to achieve S-OFF with them. Even Samsung and nVidia are still not releasing drivers for the AOSP development community. iPad Mini is a disappointment too. (yeah yeah we all know how Apple works by now, release a lousy device so that they can put in better stuff next year). Windows 8 caused less excitement than I expected. Tablet laptop hybrids are crazy expensive, effectively cranking up the norm prices for a standard laptop again. Windows Phone 8 was still meh.

 

What Should Happen in 2013

1) Flexible Display

Samsung and Apple are getting in on this one so I think we should start to see the first non-straight device in 2013. Can't imagine how a device's screen can bend within the insides bending though.

2) Higher Capacity Battery

With Samsung Galaxy S3 and Motorola Razor Maxx putting in large batteries inside slim bodies, it appears that it is possible to have high capacity batteries in a slim profile. The processors are getting more and more powerful. Bigger batteries would be nice.

3) Custom Processors like A6

I would expect the likes of LG and Huawei to go deeper into custom processors instead of just using the common ones like Qualcomm's in hopes of achieving what Apple did with A6. More variation might have its good but I also expect more problems with apps compatibility and more hassle among the AOSP community.

4) Cheaper Mainstream Tablets

With rumours of a $99 or $129USD ASUS tablet, it seems like everyone is forced to lower the prices of their tablets. It just doesn't seem worth it to get a tablet at $999 anymore if they can do almost the same things. iPad Mini was a big disappointment in the price range department. I suppose Apple makes premium goods for a price but that much more expensive than Nexus 7?

 

What I want to see in 2013

1) NFC adoption

NFC is picking up the pace too slowly. Sure we could put the blame on Apple for not joining the wagon since they would definitely boost the adoption speed by leaps and bounds. But I guess Google should have quite a bit of influence too right? Hopefully more OEMs and credit companies would open up to NFC.

2) Wireless charging

This is just for my convenience I guess. It's getting too little hype.

3) Less devices

More thoughtful designs, less variation please. I think Motorola is heading in a good direction. They only have a few good devices whereas HTC, Samsung, Sony all have a huge range that it's hard to keep up. Before you know it there's a slightly better upgrade to a phone that's a few months old. All these OEMs have mentioned of lesser but higher quality devices but looks like their hands are still quite itchy.

4) HTC to wake up their idea

Yes, I have been a user of HTC for a while. And there's nothing but disappointment in 2012. No LTE in flagship devices, multiple flagship devices etc. Stupid One X+ upgrade though Droid DNA was just nearing launch. These are all crazy mistakes.

5) Higher adoption of LTE

Singapore is finally in the LTE game but there are still way too few LTE devices.

6) Blackberry's comeback

I know nobody cares. But more competition is always good. I would like to see how Blackberry makes a comeback and if those who abandoned Blackberry and tasted iOS or Android would go back or not.

7) Google's smart watch

Google has made a patent on smart watch for some time but we still haven't seen anything yet. Now that there's rumours of Apple and Intel ganging up to make a smart watch, Google better watch out. Time is running short.

8) Google Glasses

The Google Glasses Demonstration during Google I/O 2012 was superbly impressive. If I had the money I would have ordered the prototype. Having a wearable computer in the size of your glasses is beyond cool. Looks like futuristic technology is finally coming.

9) Less patent wars

Seriously enough is enough.

Ramblings: Maybe It Was For Nothing

"Maybe there was no reason, just belief." That's a quote I just took from my friend's Facebook.

Cynism really gets people sometimes. There's many things in this world to be cynical about. There are many things that perhaps just seem to need too much effort. But I'd like to think that there's more to life. That I shouldn't give up hope of being better, getting better.

Maybe it would have been for nothing. But at least I tried.

Brain Storm: The Big Picture

Snippets of my Life: Forever Alone

Le me walking alone in vivocity. Super coincidentally saw Benjamin outside Franc.

Me: hey what are you doing here alone? Shopping alone? So sad?

Ben: No lah I'm meeting my parents for a meal and I sneaked out to around for a while. You leh?

Me: shopping alone...

*truly forever alone*

Ramblings: A Year On

I'm now sitting in the club room that used to be mine, 3.30am, alone on the first night of the annual camp. Exactly a year ago, I was sitting in the exact same place. But I had a name to myself then. Now I'm nothing, just a normal person. My words have no weight, my presence causes no concern. A year on and I have fought, fallen and learnt. I have naught but experience. This isn't the life I wanted. But sitting here has showed me that my time is over, at least in this place.

I used to struggle with retaining power after stepping down from any position. But today, I realise why some people don't cling onto their past. Former glory is but former. Time speeds past and then it is a year on. And all I can do is look back and then face forward.

Brain Storm: Friends and Life

A while ago I had a chat with a friend regarding the meaning of life. He lamented how life feels empty because he doesn't really know who is still in his life. There's no permanent residents in his life, people come and go, being single and all. The times he meet up with his close friends back in secondary school is few as well. As do I.

I think it's pretty safe for me to say that I have very close friends from secondary school. I have a set of friends whom I make an effort to meet up once in a while. It's true we don't meet as often as close friends would. We all get really caught up in our own lives and we're no longer each others' priority. Admittedly, we even let each other slip out of our minds sometimes. But does it really matter? I think at the end of the day, true friends are those who don't forget about each other and will always be there when I need them. That'll be good enough. I know that when I really need help, I can count on them. And they know it too. When we can help it, we will make an effort to meet up. Sure some of my friends see me about twice a year. But we have already made it a ritual to meet up as soon as one party is free. And that party will haunt the other until he/she agrees to meet up. Such is my life, and I'm satisfied with it.

I think no matter what there will be definitely be people in your life. They may not be as close to you compared to your previous friends, but they occupy most of your time at present. So you can't really say there is no one in your life. An empty shell is what you make of it. Those people you are close to now may go away eventually. But this is precisely the time to try and make them stay, vice versa isn't it? My secondary school friends didn't appear to be permanent residents of my life when I was in secondary school. Maybe I'm only spending time with my university friends because I have no choice since I am in university now. Maybe not. Time will tell.

As we proceed to the next stages of our life, the people in our lives will change. Some will go and some will stay. But I won't be dejected. Just because the previous group of friends didn't work out as permanent residents doesn't mean the next set will be the same. Everyone is different. Superficiality is as far as you want it to be. Of course it depends on the other side too. But your attitude will affect the others, and an effort is neede. And I think everyone need to keep in mind that a few good friends is good enough. Why do you need so many good friends for? For your facebook collection?

Friends are who we can count on in our lives. I think life partners and friends come by a different means. Your lover loves you for who you are, thinks your flaws are your strengths and an overlook your problems. For me, I accept my friends for who they are, but if they have problems, I will condemn it, though I'll still be there for them. At the end of our lives, friends will be our only prized possessions. And only then you can truly see how many lives you have touched during your time. And whether they take up a 1 quarter of your time yearly in your life or merely 1 or 2 days, I still consider them part of my life, never gone.

Brain Storm: Settling

They say "sometimes in a world of a million, all you need is one". But there are 6 billion people in this world. How would you know who is "the one"?

When I was confiding my problems to one of my friends, we came across the topic of settling down. He said that many of his friends had already gotten married and many times it is because those people have felt age catching up and decided to choose the next easiest prey to marry. This concept of settling, in my friend's term, is the act of "making do with something less than you deserve". And many times we argued and discussed the idea of settling and settling down.

He never imagined himself to settle for less in his life. After all, why would you shortchange yourself? I guess there are many schools of thought. Aside from shortchanging, there's also a concern of not knowing until you try, and also if the person is "the one". I'm of course talking about the state of mind one should have when dating or when marrying. Commitment is not just spelled with time and effort, but also sacrifice. I think it's quite possible for one to fall for more than one person. And perhaps there is indeed someone who is perfectly meant for you. But many times a person would not be able to tell if the attached is the one and only. When someone better comes along, hearts are wavered and the main question is, "do I settle?" Would you settle if you can't tell if your partner is the one? Would you settle if you would have never known otherwise how it would have turned out?

Whether you settle or not, you have to be able to convince yourself. How many people can mention true love as the reason to stay? How convincing would that be if someone really good comes along?

But there is no conclusion to the discussion I had with my friend. In the end, time waits for no man. Would you risk the possibility of not ever finding "the one"? Would you break a million hearts just to find one meant for you? Would you not settle for less because you think too highly of yourself? Or is love so blinding that it depends on the intensity?

So we concluded the infinite possibilities.
Perhaps time is of essence, so we should have to eventually settle.
Perhaps there is no right answer, and you would only find out when it happens to you.
Perhaps one fine day, you will realise that a conviction has to be made, not out of pure true love, but out of consideration for both of you.
Perhaps one fine day, you will realise that it's never just about yourself.
Perhaps one fine day, you will realise that you are old enough and wasted enough time.
Perhaps one fine day, you will realise that peaceful bliss is better than a torrent of emotions.

And maybe some people are lucky. And maybe some people are totally unlucky. And maybe one day you'll settle for me.

.

I'm again reminded of my failure. Thinking back, everything went downhill ever since I went to university.

My grades are like shit, my leadership abilities dipped (if it was even there in the first place), I can't make new friends, I have tons of relationship problems, my finance is horrible, I'm unmotivated, and I can't even plan a birthday dinner properly.

Then I keep wondering why am I such a loser, and how everyone strays from me the minute they know I'm a failure.  Maybe pissing people off is all I know. I lack discipline, I'm not loyal, and I abandon people once I get what I want, I crave like a maniac when I can't get what I want. My stalkerish behavior throws people off, scare others and makes me extremely distasteful. My geekyness turns people off and on top of that, it's not even real geek that I am, all I know is superficial knowledge.

So how like that? Wandering in my life, no aim at all, keep doing things which I know will end up in a deadlock.

Brain Storm: An Open Birthday

107 facebook posts

5 tweets

10 whatsapp messages

3 SMSes

A total of 125 well wishes.

[warning, long and whiny post possibly without much elaboration and overly judgemental, but it'll be even longer if I pen out all my thoughts in details]

I suppose any social person would find that number of birthday well wishes to be puny. But truth be told, this was an overwhelming number to me already as I have never gotten anything more than total number of fingers I have on my hands. If you read my post last year, you would know that my birthday is a date shrouded in mystery. I do not openly publicise my birthday, you will not find any trace of the date on the internet and I dislike telling people my birthday even when they ask, expecting them to find out through some magical way. Yes I do know that 10 is a pathetic number even if my birthday is not on a public domain. While I have no excuses for myself (not a popular or well liked guy, or someone with many friends), but let's face it, many people have become over reliant on social networks to remind themselves of others' birthday. I shall not dwell on this since I talked about it last year.

This time round, I'd rather talk about how I felt throughout the 24 hours. For the first time in my life, I posted my birthday on Facebook. To me, it was a social experiment. Pardon my "excitement" but this is the first time in my life where I actually expected well wishings. In the past, my tardy male friends would either forget or whatnot. So the people who do wish me are generally the same people but it fluctuates a bit. I have long heard rumours of well wishes arising from the "I see the notification on fb so I just wish lor" syndrome and I was expecting it to happen to me.

At 12am, it started. Thankfully the first well wishing was a text not Facebook wall post (else it would be really pathetic). I suppose there will definitely be people who sees it and goes "er, I don't think I know him well enough to care" and yes I applaud you for your attitude. That's how I am too. I don't want to be someone who gave a shit about you on only one day a year.

I managed to spend my day with whom I wanted to, so it was good enough for me (I remember I spent it in a meeting last year and nobody realised it was my birthday until 12am that day). Throughout the day, I kept my Facebook mobile notification on and checked who wished me every now and then. It was amazing to see people whom I didn't even know how they got on my Facebook wishing me happy birthday.

And frankly, it was rather empty too. Granted, most people has a Facebook friend list choked full of acquaintances. But how many of those whom you think would have cared, cared, and how many of those acquaintances cared? It is understandable for many of our real friends to miss our birthdays. I speak not just for myself. I have seen close friends birthday well wishing count go up to 200, out of the 700 - 1000 friends they have. I have also read other people who actually counted their own Facebook well wishings and posted it up. Those also usually go up to about 20% of their total Facebook friends. Mine happened to be nearly 20%. Does everyone only has 20% of their Facebook friends as real friends?

Let's take my case as reference. Out of all my Facebook friends, a small 10% are close to me, a rough 40% are considered friends, some 30% acquaintances whom I don't care about, and the remaining 20% are people who I actually don't know personally, including people whom I don't even remember at all. I used to have strict control on who I add on my Facebook, but I stopped that policy while I was acquiring contacts as the chairperson of my club last year. How many people would believe that the 20% of my Facebook friends who wished me on my wall are from the 50% of my closer friends? I would say that only about 10% comes from that category. How about the other half?

It's true that I have given nonchalant birthday well wishings before. But thinking back, on your birthday, how many birthday well wishings actually made you feel HAPPY when you saw it? I didn't. I wasn't happy at all. I see person A who was a freshman in a camp I organised last year wish me and I wasn't glad to see it. I'm not ungrateful though. I am thankful that I am remembered, though it was more likely that it was a moment of convenience. I am at least thankful that I was given a fuck. I mean, he or she could have easily went "who cares?". What really appalled me was on this day, there were actually people who posted stuff without thinking. There's actually this guy who typed "happy birthday.." and I have absolutely no idea where the hell he came from. If you want to be polite, you should at least TRY to be sincere. How sincere it that dude's birthday well wishing? The fact that I know 50% of the people who posted on my wall are acting sincere is disturbing. The fact that there are at least some people out there who don't even pretend to be sincere is beyond disturbing. The idea creeps me out.

How can anyone take this? I can't. I rather have 10 well wishings coming from people whom I know actually cared to remember than to have hordes of pretentious well wishings. It is unsettling. It made me sick throughout the day. I do know that without a reminder somewhere (ideally Facebook), most of our close friends will not remember my birthday. But that's fine. I don't think it's that important a day to warrant some memory nerves on so many people's brains. I won't pretend that I don't care about my birthday since I was obviously upset by this matter (or maybe just by the fact of the insincerity around). The secrecy of my birthday used to be caused my insecurity about "people know my birthday but they didn't care". I used to think that if they don't know and they forgot, that's less hurtful than if they know (through Facebook) and they still forgot.

Am I just sour about my negative popularity? Maybe. But no, I rather keep my birthday a secret, no thank you. I'd rather count my blessings on my fingers.

生活中太多的进退

生活有一百种 - 卢广仲。快二十三的我，生命里好像突然好多好多风波。源源不断，一个接着一个。

有人说，有什么事就问文钦吧。友人问他，'怎么讲?为何问文钦?'。 他说，不知道，问他就对了，文钦什么都懂。

可是我说，不，我不懂。我多希望我懂。在似乎坚强的外则里是懦弱，是疑惑。也可能是心僵硬了。再痛也只是痛。 但人终究是人。你一定看见了，我有的是人的心。那心就在你掌握之中。可能你觉得好玩。可能所有的人都觉得好玩。

我的邪恶守护天使对我说，你人太好了，你用人不值得那对待的态度来对待他们，然后你就一直输着。

可是我说，人生没这么容易。不用拼命的东西怎么会值得，怎么会珍惜?

他说，你看，那观念就是正在毁了你的态度。你有这么伟大么?

我想，对我来说，只要有美好回忆，那就够了。我有我的问题，你有你的顾虑。我不想，也不能要你任何的牺牲。这样很伟大吗? 自己一个人又不会怎么样。在付出多一些也不会死。有时候会累，会躲在浴室，站在里头愣着，反问反问自己在搞什么，生活的人一百条路应该怎么走。没答案，每一次都没答案。流下光脱脱的身体，也不知是水，还是泪。但感觉不错。少了一道墙，多了一披被。洗澡变成我唯一的解脱。奇怪吗?

但再柔弱的身体也能穿上盔甲。不是假装，只是要坚强起来。因为不可能只有我的生活辛苦，有挫折。你一定也有。你一定也会懦弱，会疑惑。你一定也会不懂。不只是我而已。

每一个人都有过去，都会犯错。你，我，所做的，已经是过去。我说过我不会顾虑任何人的过去。那我应该放下你和我的过去，再来过。但，我过得去么? 我不知道。很多应该只有我会知道的事我都不知道。

你痛哭过么?痛哭，假笑，好像是两边的极端。但在长大的时候才学到笑着哭最痛。在忍住时忍不住。可是笑着哭又常常是不美好中的最美好。那，不是很好吗?

断线的风筝，起初会飞得远，然后就掉下来，等待人来发现，修补，再飞天。你说要收线，别让线断了，等下次飞天的机会。可我没听。哪怕只是短暂的飞翔，那也值得。就算你注定擦肩而过，只要你开心。伟大? 你错了。 我也开心啊。我哭了，但我也笑了。那就够了。终有一天，我会对你的骗局了解，自己的欺骗醒悟，再傻笑。

生活就像河水，有进无退。在时间的流行中，你能停顿么? 会有一天，一百条路我得选一条。可惜的是，在这歇脚亭，一百条路还是模糊。而你，还是在遥远的平行河道，没有接近的暗示。

再然，我只能往前走。再累，也要继续走下去。因为有人在等我。

Tech Speak: Get Extra Space On Dropbox

Source: http://lifehacker.com/5881692/get-up-to-45gb-of-extra-space-on-dropbox-for-uploading-photos-and-videos

Increase your dropbox size by up to 5GB. This is part of Dropbox's experimental testing. Help them test their beta and earn free space. The new function to this beta is auto uploading of pictures/videos from your memory cards, cameras, handphones to dropbox. It's not exactly auto actually. When you insert your SD card into your computer, autoplay will show dropbox as an option (i.e. to say autoplay has to be enabled). Dropbox will auto detect your photos and copy them into a folder called "camera uploads" and starts uploading them into your dropbox. For every 500MB of data you uploaded this way, you get 500MB of free space. You get 500MB the first time you upload something, and in total you can get 5GB using this method.

 



I tried to copy photos I already have on my computer, put inside my SD card and then import them using autoplay. Dropbox said it did not detect any new photos. So I guess there's no easy way to trick the program. Still, this is a good method to gain more space for your dropbox.

Do make a backup of your dropbox folder just in case. I installed the beta without a hitch though. Information on how it works on Mac and Linux is in the forums post below. Download link for the beta is also there.

 

http://forums.dropbox.com/topic.php?id=52900

 

Ramblings: The Most Expensive Items I Own

I saw this thread on a forum. It's basically an open declaration to welcome people to come rob you. The thread starter ask everyone to list the top 10 most expensive items they have ever bought. No worries unlike their diamond rings, condos etc, I don't think mine are expensive enough for people to come and steal.

1) MSI GE600 16inch gaming laptop (laptop meant for university and gaming)

2) ASUS Eee Pad Transformer TF101 (tablet used for university and entertainment)

3) HTC Desire Z slide out keyboard phone (current phone)

4) Microsoft Zune HD 32GB Silver (21st birthday present, current PMP)

5) Sony PSP 2000 Silver (portable console meant for army)

6) Timbuk2 laptop backpack HAL (laptop bag for my 16 inch monster laptop)

7) Timbuk2 Classic Messenger S Size (messenger for university)

8) Sennheiser Classic CX300-II Chrome (current earpiece)

9) Braun Buffel wallet (Christmas gift, current wallet)

10) Canon Powershot 1000 (AA battery operated compact camera meant for travel)

Snippets of My Life: CNY Woes

In my paternal family, there are 5 branches altogether, i.e. to say my grandma had 5 children. All 5 branches have 3 kids each, and they all consist of 1 girl and 2 guys. In general, my cousins get married pretty much on a chronological order. There are 9 cousins (including my sister) older than me, one cousin my age and 4 cousins (including my brother) younger than me. So far 5 of my cousins are married/engaged. Before yesterday, I thought only 3 of my other older cousins are attached. That is to say I had one more older cousin who was still single. He was my shield. They'll get him before they get me. But yesterday he brought his girlfriend along. My shield was gone. My other cousin at the same age as me was attached long ago. I was alone.

I always wondered why other older friends grumble about getting asked about girlfriends and engagement stuff during CNY. It seemed like not big deal to me, until it happened to me. The questionings had to be the single most irritating thing the entire time I was at my grandma's house. Yap yap yap yap yap they went. Why no girlfriend? When are you bringing one back? All just because according to my age, I was the next in line. They asked another younger cousin as well but I think that's because they saw my extremely sian-ed-diao-ed face. When I was lo hei-ing with my family, I had this epic conversation with my second aunt.

Aunt: Wen Qin why you never wish for girlfriend when you lo hei?
Me: Er, I'm busy studying in university.
Aunt: Study also must find mah.
Me: But I got no time for girlfriend.
Aunt: No time also must find. Busy studying then she can support you.
Me: Huh? (What talking you?)

I fled the scene after a while. Spare me all these lah. I might never bring back a girlfriend for what that matters.

Brain Storm: What Is Love

A friend said she's doing a little experiment and asking all her friends to post on her wall what we think love is. This is my answer.

Love is wanting the best for someone, wanting him/her to be happy, and be happy when that happens, holding on though it's hard on you, letting go when it's hard on him/her.

 

Humans are selfish creatures. We want the best for ourselves. When we fall in love, it makes us happy, naturally. And we want the happiness to ourselves, so we pursue the happiness, or the person who gives us happiness. That's what love is, or so it seems. At least that's what I have always told myself in the past.

But reality isn't as nice as it seems. Sometimes, you being happy doesn't mean the other party will be happy. Sometimes it's just the wrong timing, place, or whatever. And at some point in time, you may find that you aren't happy even if you're with that person. So does this change the meaning of love? Does this mean you do not love that person anymore? I wouldn't think so necessarily. When a relationship between 2 persons bring pain, it doesn't mean love is absent. Sometimes it just mean that you have to love each other in a different way.

So in the end, I decided that love simply means wanting that person to be happy, rather than yourself. Personally I don't think we are that noble of a creature. If love means giving without expecting anything in return, wouldn't you find many people standing stupidly by the ones they love forever even though the love is not reciprocated? Sure the love may stay, but you have to move on right?

But still, we are selfish. We do gain something even by letting go. If you know letting go will be the best for the other person, you will be happy yourself. If you know that making that person happy in any other way except being with him/her, you will be happy yourself.

 

So after a while, I decided not to be selfish in the "I just want it for myself" way anymore. Because it's better off that way. I won't hold on anymore. And in the end I hope you'll be happier. Really.

Ramblings: So As To Not Regret

When I feel like I'm living a life of regrets, I tell myself that I'm thinking too much. Things wouldn't have turned out the way I wanted it anyway, it has nothing to do with my actions or whatnot.

Delusional? Maybe.

Brain Storm: Guarding The Age

Shou Sui (守岁) is something which I have been doing since I can remember, probably since kindergarten or something. It is to stay up when the clock strikes 12 midnight on Chinese New Year. It is believed, or so I have been told, that this extends your parents' life span.

I couldn't search the origins properly but it seems that it used to be called Shou Ye 守夜 which literally means guarding the night. In the myths, there was a monster called Nian (年) (translated to "year" in Chinese) who disrupts the lives of many, attacking villages late at night. The people finally found a way to scare the monster by creating loud noises. So they set off firecrackers and made a lot of noise on one night and scared off Nian. That day became Chinese New Year day and the celebration of the festival is known as Guo Nian (过年) which literally means "over the year", kinda meaning "passing the year". Shou Ye was the act of the villagers staying up to guard as Nian only attacks at night. In the end Shou Sui became the act of staying up to ward of evil spirits etc, which probably leads to your parents having a longer life.

In any case, I have been doing it for many years and when I was really young, I could only last till 2am at the start. Slowly I was able to stay up longer till 7am. However I was down with Bronchitis 3 years ago and I didn't stay up at all. Ever since then age has started catching up and I wasn't able to last that long anymore. Still, this is a tradition I hope to keep as much as possible.

Brain Storm: When We Meet Again

I just came back from a friend's mum's funeral. I recall reading an old blog written some 7 years ago. This newly graduated guy (7 years ago) also just went to a funeral and his friend told him that as we get older, the only times we will get to meet up with our close friends of yesteryears is during weddings or funerals. And it held true to some degree for him.

For myself, I met many friends whom I have not met for many years at the funeral. It wasn't a pleasant setting to say the least and I wondered if it would be true that from now on, the only time I'll see my close friends from secondary school and my JC friends would be during weddings and funerals. Though most of us are still in the university, there are quite a few couples readying themselves for marriage already. I guess the next time I'll see my friends again would be during those friends' wedding. Such is life.

Last year was a bad year. Many people passed away in 2011. I really hope that less people would pass away this year.

To my friend's mum, rest in peace.

Event: Significant Events of 2011

January

4 - 6 CAC Retreat at NSRCC

10 Had my first Production Meeting for CAC+US Concert 2011

14 First health screening by NUS which took 3 tubes of my blood to test for cancer and everything. Found out that my health level is not at normal level, but in fact at optimal level (really healthy)

28 Attended Angklung's first concert Cinderella: Shake The World

February

16 Missed my first lab in university because I forgot about it

19 Failed my first IPPT

21 - 22 CAC+US Concert rehearsal and actual. Most hectic period in my life

25 Student Appreciation Dinner. Almost got sabo-ed up to sing school song

March

2 - 4 Cultural Week 2011. Tank-ed all the shit caused by a certain person. Guarded the bazaar overnight on the last day with my IT Director and Welfare Director

9 EE1003 mid terms. First test in university which I actually wrote down "if you don't understand what I'm writing, don't worry, I also don't understand". Epic

12 - 13 NUS Open House. Spoke to NUS President for the first time

16 Attended NUS Safety and Crisis Management Workshop. Certified to be safety officer for all NUS events

20 Attended Voices Emerge 11 at St James

29 Attended first lecture of the month

Whole of March trying to clear up a big mess created by someone

Sometime in March, attended a full meeting with CAC Camp Committee without them realising that it was my birthday

April

1 Attended GTV #9

3 Attended NTU Impresario Finals

5 Attended Kent Ridge Ministerial Forum 2011, GOH PM Lee Hsien Loong

May

7 Voted for the first time, the hype is overrated

15 Leonard back for the  first time. Had beer gathering but obvious I didn't drink

21 Started my first RT at Khatib Camp

26 Attended Resonance The Inside Edition Concert 2011. Most expensive concert ever but so worth it

June

5 Went for Camp Comm Dry Run for CAC Social Camp

6 Crashed Engin Camp for a while with Eunice

9 - 12 Worked at PC Show for the first time at Harvey Norman ASUS booth. Appointed Sector Leader and held highest number of sales

13 - 15 Went for Camp Dry Run for CAC Social Camp

18 Had first Xinmin Alumni BBQ. Attendance was pathetic

July

2 Finally passed RT-IPPT after collapsing twice during 2.4km run

4 - 7 CAC Social Camp 2011. We had a great time!

9 Felicia's 21st birthday party

11 - 15 First reservist with my unit

16 Had a hearty dinner at Medz with my platoon

21-22 25-26 Matric Fair

25 Durian buffet with the platoon

August

31 - 4 Engin Oweek. Councillor of Turks OG. They think of me as the fierce guy

1 Freshmen Inauguration Ceremony. Sang the school song twice on stage

9 Attended Rag Day with Turks

10 Treated by Danny at Carousel for celebration that he became a scholar

18 Sent Leonard off at the airport

27 CAC Elections and Presidential Voting Day

September

7 Birthday surprise at Technoedge for Jia Jian

8 Queued up at IT Show for HP Touchpad since 8am with Hai. Didn't get it

9 CAC AGM, finally stepped down

10 Attended Zhi Wei's 21st birthday party

16 Went for Supernova Rock Concert at Utown

17 Attended NUSSU's elections

October

7 Attended NUSSU's Appreciation Dinner

12 Attended Student Leader's Appreciation Lunch

20 Had a EE gathering at Wala Wala, decided that it'll be an annual thing

November

Prep for finals

December

6 - 9 Went on a trip to Penang with CS. It was rejuvenating and fun!

25 Annual gathering with Xinmin gang on Christmas

27 Sent Edwin off

Event: The Year of Realisation and Growth

Every year I type out my resolutions before the year ends or when the year just started. This year I started writing this 3 days befre the year ended. I think a lot really happened this year. I can safely say that this is the toughest year I ever had in my entire life. People came and left my life. Things which I never thought will happen to me happened. And on top of all these external factors which I can't control, I realise much of my drama life this year occured because of my own incompetence and weakness. Before a relook on 2011, I will look at my resolutions for 2011 as usual.

My res­o­lu­tion for 2011:

1) Study harder. I need to regain back the dis­ci­pline which I have in JC.

Fail. Mega fail. I didn't even get back 1/4 of my discipline. Someone please spank me.

2) Regain back my lead­er­ship capa­bil­i­ties and style. I haven’t got­ten back fully into momen­tum. After see­ing how the other lead­ers lead their peo­ple with their own char­ac­ter­is­tics, I need to go back into my swing as well. More charisma which I am lack­ing will be a nice touch as well.

I think I got into my own style after a while though there's muh to improve. It's a pity that I got jaded pretty early in the year. Some people did mention about my charisma though. I'll just pretend that they were sincere about it.

3) Less pro­cras­ti­na­tion. There were things which I was sup­posed to do in 2010 which I still have not done. Sorry just won’t cut it and I need to learn to shake off the lazy feeling.

The busy year made this worse. Enough said. I can't even remember what I was supposed to do.

4) Think of what I’d regret. I man­aged to make 2010 a bet­ter one than I’d expected. But there were a few deci­sions which were still not promptly and sen­si­bly made. My term of office will end sooner than I think and I will really have to con­sider care­fully what I have, what I lack, what I want and what I need before decid­ing where to head to next. I also think that I am lack­ing quite a bit of life now. This is a good time to think about what I really want in life. Do I just want a nicer resume? Do I really need to take up all these com­mit­ments? Where will they get me and it is that necessary?

I don't think my brain was working more than half the time this year.

5) Stay fit. After talk­ing to many seniors, they seem to be able to han­dle study­ing and keep­ing fit at the same time. Some­how I just feel exhausted all the time. I guess this has to do with learn­ing to adapt to my new uni­ver­sity life and to stop procrastinating.

I was lied to. There were all unfit. And I fell to the dark side as well. I failed my IPPT but eventually passed it on the third 8th RT session after collapsing 2 times during 2.4km run. It was ultra pathetic. Further, I missed silver by 5 seconds. Darn.

6) Spend less money on use­less things. I think my per­son­al­ity as a spend­thrift has declined a lot, but it’s still not enough. I can do bet­ter and really need to keep track of my spend­ing I suppose.

This spendthrift side of me became better but my income also dropped a lot because of the lack of tuitions I have. In fact I thrived on only 1 tuition for 3/4 of the year before finally having another one. Even then my income was too low. Subsequently my spending habits didn't decrease proportionately.

7) Trea­sure my time with my loved ones. Spend more time with them.

I think I did less of that due to my crazy commitments.

8 ) Learn to be more punc­tual. I think I am gen­er­ally quite punc­tual for meet­ings but this month I was late for almost every sin­gle one of them. Time to man­age my tim­ing properly.

A leopard can't change his spots. But at least the lateness decreased.

9) Rest more. Sleep when I’m sup­posed to sleep.

This didn't happen at all.

 

2011 was the worst year I ever had in my entire life. Many things happened. Many things which I don't want to remember. A few important people entered my life. A few left. The entire year was a flash. It was a blur. Or maybe it's just me trying to forget what happened.

The first half of the year was rather peaceful. My results was not good but nothing much happened. It was blissful but I was greedy. I was dissatisfied. Maybe it would have turned out this way anyhow. A flood of events just kept coming and I couldn't handled them wave after wave. I realised a lot of things. I realised that other people surrounding you can have more impact on you than you think. I realised that ultimately the person who controls your own life is yourself. But most of all I realised that all these are just petty talk. Over the years  I have given much life advice to other people. I was told I sounded experienced and wise. But when you fall yourself, it's different. It's easier said than done. I should have walked away but I didn't. And I knew I should have.

I also learnt that everyone is out there to get me. Or at least that's the mentality I should have. Everyone is trying to screw me over. And there I am, an open book, allowing people to exploit me, allowing myself to commit when I shouldn't, allowing myself to be blinded. So there I have learnt. Nobody is nice. Everyone is selfish. So I should learn to close myself up. I thought I was good at that but apparently I wasn't. Nobody was going to teach me all these. But now life has, and now I know.

I think I understood myself better. Despite me knowing that I have been screwed over, deep inside I still categorise those screw-ers as people who are important to me. So I have to cut it off right from the beginning the next time. Scared and scarred, that's about enough deterrence I hope, that I will be more vigilant.

"Chances" are another type of player. When I was too afraid to lose my chance, I overdid things. When I wanted to take it slow, the chances evade me. Then I keep thinking of how I regret losing something or something because of "wrong timings". I never believed in "if it is meant to be, it will be". I believe in "if it is meant to be, you still need to work for it." So now I don't know what to believe in.

I also made a few pretty impactful decisions and opened up to my close friends. I'm not sure if it was a wise decision yet but I suppose at least it has not backfired so far.

I don't think I have many resolutions for 2012 which are different.

1) Keep fit and pass my IPPT within the first holidays.

2) Study way harder.

3) Hone my focus. This includes not setting expectations on things which I shouldn't and setting expectations on things I should. Walking away when I'm supposed to, sleeping when I should be.

4) Manage my money better.

5) Learn some new skills, java would be good.

I'm exhausted. I used to be confident. I thought I lost it. But I think it's still there, and because of this blinded confidence, I thrust myself into something which I think I knew better when I don't. I'll walk slower this year. But I'll be steady. I find myself back. I won't let my friends miss the old me too much.

2012 will be a better year, because nothing can be worse than 2011. I'll survive, you watch.

Ramblings: Realising. What Is Important In Life

I realised these days, I get happy quite easily. I mean, people make me happy quite easily. I used to be grumpy and hard to satisfy. I remember not being happy for a period of time when I was supposed to be happy.

I told my friend I'm not sure if I am having delusions now because it used to be so difficult. And suddenly I'm meeting people who makes me happy one after another. My friend said maybe its because I've reached the age where I know how to appreciate things in life and know what is truly important to me.

Maybe growing up and becoming more easily contented is a good thing. Maybe not, if there are no backlashes. I hope I do know what is truly important now.

Brain Storm: Regrets

I met a really good friend whom I haven't met for half a year lately and she mentioned about doing something crazy about her hair but she's afraid she'll regret it. I said she'll probably regret it more if she hadn't tried it in the future. She commented "ya people always say you'll regret something which you didn't do more than something you did. Why ah?" And I said,

If you tried something and regretted it, at least you knew the outcome. If you didn't try it at all, you wouldn't have known how it would turn out. And you can never turn back time to try it again.

She said that's true. But is it really? If you tried something, that also meant the other alternative, ie not doing it, was an attempt, it's also an outcome you wouldn't know. I told a friend this before, life is full of regrets, because you would never know how "otherwise" would have turned out.

Still I believe there are ways to lessen such negativity. Listening to your heart, then rationalising, bracing yourself, recalling your conviction. These help. Most of all, I believe in myself. That I will pull through. That I can make things right. That nothing is perfect. That I want to live my life the way I want it, not how society or anyone else wants me to.

Snippets Of My Life: What's Your Problem

Situation: Buddies gathered at D's house to chill. D's GF called to ask when is he going to meet her in town. Thus the entire gang decided to accompany him to town.

In MRT Train -

D: You all want to go shop around first while we go buy our stuff?

Me: (Loudly) What!? You make us come out all the way here and now you're chasing us away? What's your problem?

L: Eh, everyone just looked at you. And gave the "wtf" look.

Interview: An Electric Giant - By Jasmine Sim

You might find it odd for this small guy to be called a giant. If you see Wen Qin in person for yourself, he is far from gigantic. This petite electrical engineer now in his second year has recently stepped down from his position as NUS Cultural Activities Club’s president of the 9^th Management Committee. The CAC Clubroom is located along the stairways leading to the Study Lounge at Yusof Ishak House in NUS. It is almost impossible to spot it without help from the hanging directional signs but the pleasant soothing sounds coming from acoustic guitars from a distance, serves as a perfect direction guide.

CAC is one of the only four, and among the biggest non-faculty clubs in NUS consisting of 9 music and dance sub-clubs. The club seeks to promote cultural awareness and conduct beginner and advanced courses for interested students to pick up new skills and showcase their talents. Amazingly, the hustle and bustle of this place, more appropriately the drum beats, guitar strums and dance steps that fill the clubroom sounded almost as if it was a “clubroom that never sleeps”. Somehow among all that background noise, Wen Qin is able to draw attention towards himself whenever he speaks. Perhaps, it is the works of his gentle yet affirmative tone. Wen Qin projects this stern “default angry face” whenever he does not speak but behind that hard exterior, he is a very approachable and negotiable leader, says Eunice Yeap, CAC’s current Honorary Financial Secretary for two terms. CAC also hosts special projects such as CAC+US; an annual concert showcase of the 9 sub-clubs, freshman orientation camps and cultural week.

It seems natural for seniors to doubt the capabilities of this junior leader in the committee, but this little giant has proven critics wrong. Former Computing Club president, Randy Valentius Kamajaya says that initially he felt worried as Wen Qin did not have any knowledge and experience beforehand. After more interactions, and seeing how passionate and dedicated Wen Qin is as a leader, Randy asserted that Wen Qin managed to get rid of other people’s doubts about his capabilities, including himself.

Wen Qin says that he was motivated to run for president because he saw the urgent need to unite and revamp the image of CAC, who was left without a president for two weeks when the 8^th Management Committee stepped down. One of the many challenges, Wen Qin recollects, was that he went through great lengths to gain the support and respect of his senior members. The first step he took was to meet up with his sub-club presidents and had a face to face talk with them individually. He admitted his incompetence towards the backgrounds, courses and cultures of the sub-clubs. He made additional effort to seek consultations and gain understanding from his sub-club presidents before executing his decisions. From there, he managed to gain their trust and understanding. He was not afraid to question, and from there he learnt.

The burning passion in some of the presidents among the constituent clubs Wen Qin witnessed, greatly spurred him to lead his team through the many obstacles faced. Amongst them was former FASS Arts Club president, Wee Shi Chen. Wen Qin proudly praised him as someone he deeply respects. “If there is anyone who thinks about the welfare of the students first, it has got to be Shi Chen,” he added.

Wen Qin shyly describes himself as a zealous and competitive person who can be counted on most to display responsibility in his work. Former Arts Club president, Wee Shi Chen commented that Wen Qin is a strict and assertive leader, one who “does not compromise when it comes to work and isn't above making hard decisions.”

The fruit of Wen Qin’s success are visible in the improved publicity and reputation of CAC in NUS. In the past year, he has strived hard for the welfare of his expanding club members and actively championed for larger clubroom facilities. Looking forward, he sees CAC moving in the direction of the sub-clubs turning into performance ready professionals rather than remain as an interest take-up group.

The vibrant mix of committee and club members from different faculties allowed Wen Qin to be more flexible and open to different working styles and ideas. He believes such an environment offers a good opportunity to learn the best from one another. Wen Qin feels strongly about entitling ownership of roles to his committees; “give them a direction so as to inspire them to find a path for themselves to fulfil the club’s goals through words, thoughts, actions.” As simple as watching his club members enjoying themselves on stage during performances gives Wen Qin the greatest satisfaction as club president.

When asked which sub-club he secretly wants to join, Wen Qin had undoubtedly expressed that he wanted to be in Resonance, a cappella club. “This is not exactly a secret,” he grins, “but sadly I am not good enough,” he confesses with a smile plastered on his face.

Most certainly, Wen Qin’s “default angry face” is indeed a deceiving personality façade. This guy is definitely a huge ball of courage, passion and dedication— he was just about to rush off to sit in a budget discussion with his newly elected management committee.

Brain Storm: You Are The Apple Of My Eye

I just watched the Taiwanese movie "You Are The Apple of My Eye".

Frankly it didn't get in touch with me that much especially when it comes to the school years because my younger days were pretty boring. But it did give me some insights about the topic of love.

It's a really strange thing. Sometimes two persons can be so in love with each other. Sometimes you don't really need a reason. Even if both parties are really incompatible. Sometimes it can become too much of a challenge. I always believed that nothing can be an obstacle to true love. If you really love each other, you can compromise. As long as you try, put in effort from both sides, seek understanding, communicate and build trust, most things are possible.

Yet, that isn't that case usually. We hear of breakups, we experience breakups. Do you think you can ever fully get over someone after you fell for the person once? I'm not sure. I don't think so. This is especially so when there is much yearning, when things are not working out even though you want to. How many chances can we give? How long can we fight? Is love really so transient? How much effort is worth it?

Sometimes, we give up hope on a whim. Sometimes, we give up hope thinking that we have thought it through probably, only to realise that we didn't a long time later. Then we realised that we still love our ex and we would still want to give it a try. But the awkward-ness, the past, everything that has happened, made it difficult. Maybe it was difficult for even one party to initiate again, to say I love you again, and to ask to be together again. Or maybe one or both parties are afraid to get hurt again. Despite the imploding memories and feelings, that step was difficult.

And from then onwards, we can only look at the sky and wonder if the other person is looking at the sky at the same time, and wondering if that person is missing you.
And we will wonder to ourselves, why despite loving each other so much, having so much faith, we still had to live our lives without another.
And we will wonder, what would have happened if we had picked up the courage, to forgive, to have faith, to trust that it will all work out even if there are difficulties.
And we will wonder, why did we give up, on a spur of a moment, after only considering for a short time, even after many years.

"In my next life I won't be the one to let you go".

"In the parallel universe, perhaps we are together".

So why can't it be this life? Why can't it be this universe?

I'll never know. Sometimes love is like that. And at the end of all things, despite how much we want to cry, we can only smile and say to the other person, take care and be happy. And despite saying things like "as long as you are happy, I will be", you know deep inside your heart, you want to be the person to make them happy. You want to be the main lead of that person's life. Yet, saying that is all you can do. And the most cruel thing is when the other party knows that you are the one who makes him/her happy, but that person cannot bear to tell you. Or that person told you, and you insist that it's not true, even if it is.

It's not just about feelings, it's also about compatibility, and what the future holds. But I would go against the world with you, for you. Yet, that's not what always happens.

And I can only say, "as long as you are happy, I will be".

Youtube: Those Years [Theme Song of You Are The Apple Of My Eye] [With self translation]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=xWzlwGVQ6_Q

【那些年，我們一起追的女孩】電影主題曲《那些年》
演唱：胡夏／作曲：木村充利／作詞：九把刀

又回到最初的起點
記憶中妳青澀的臉
我們終於來到了這一天
桌墊下的老照片
無數回憶連結
今天男孩要赴女孩最後的約

Back to the starting point again
I recall your sentimental face
Finally we have come to this day
The old photos under the desk
links back to uncountable memories
Today, the boy is  meeting the girl for one last date

又回到最初的起點
呆呆地站在鏡子前
笨拙繫上紅色領帶的結
將頭髮梳成大人模樣
穿上一身帥氣西裝
等會兒見妳一定比想像美

Back to the starting point again
Blanking standing in front of the mirror
Clumsily tying the knot of my red tie
Combing my hair to look like an adult
Wearing a cool looking suit
Later you'll surely look more beautiful than I imagined

好想再回到那些年的時光
回到教室座位前後　故意討妳溫柔的罵
黑板上排列組合　妳捨得解開嗎
誰與誰坐他又愛著她

I wish I can go back to those days
Back to the classroom seats    Making you scold me gently on purpose
The permutation questions on the blackboard      Do you bear to unlock them?
Among everyone, he is the one in love with her

那些年錯過的大雨
那些年錯過的愛情
好想擁抱妳　擁抱錯過的勇氣
曾經想征服全世界
到最後回首才發現
這世界滴滴點點全部都是妳

The rain I missed all those years
The love I lost all those years
I really want to hug you     embracing the courage which I lacked
I wanted to conquer the world
But it's only when I look back that I discovered
you make up every bit of my world
那些年錯過的大雨
那些年錯過的愛情
好想告訴妳　告訴妳我沒有忘記
那天晚上滿天星星
平行時空下的約定
再一次相遇我會緊緊抱著妳
緊緊抱著妳

The rain I missed all those years
The love I lost all those years
I really want to tell you      tell you that I never forget
That night under the starry skies
I made a promise with you in a parallel universe
If I ever see you again, I'll hug you tightly
I'll hug you tightly

又回到最初的起點
呆呆地站在鏡子前
笨拙繫上紅色領帶的結
將頭髮梳成大人模樣
穿上一身帥氣西裝
等會兒見妳一定比想像美

Back to the starting point again
Blanking standing in front of the mirror
Clumsily tying the knot of my red tie
Combing my hair to look like an adult
Wearing a cool looking suit
Later you'll surely look more beautiful than I imagined

好想再回到那些年的時光
回到教室座位前後　故意討妳溫柔的罵
黑板上排列組合　妳捨得解開嗎
誰與誰坐他又愛著她

I wish I can go back to those days
Back to the classroom seats    Making you scold me gently on purpose
The permutation questions on the blackboard      Do you bear to unlock them?
Among everyone, he is the one in love with her

那些年錯過的大雨
那些年錯過的愛情
好想擁抱妳　擁抱錯過的勇氣
曾經想征服全世界
到最後回首才發現
這世界滴滴點點全部都是妳

The rain I missed all those years
The love I lost all those years
I really want to hug you     embracing the courage which I lacked
I wanted to conquer the world
But it's only when I look back that I discovered
you make up every bit of my world
那些年錯過的大雨
那些年錯過的愛情
好想告訴妳　告訴妳我沒有忘記
那天晚上滿天星星
平行時空下的約定
再一次相遇我會緊緊抱著妳
緊緊抱著妳

The rain I missed all those years
The love I lost all those years
I really want to tell you      tell you that I never forget
That night under the starry skies
I made a promise with you in a parallel universe
If I ever see you again, I'll hug you tightly
I'll hug you tightly

Dialogue:

Shen Chia-yi: Yes you're childish. You're really childish.
Ko Ching-Teng: Yeah I'm childish. It's because I'm childish, that's why I woo such a hardworking girl like you. It's because I'm childish, that's how I could have wooed you for so long.

那些年錯過的大雨
那些年錯過的愛情
好想擁抱妳　擁抱錯過的勇氣
曾經想征服全世界
到最後回首才發現
這世界滴滴點點全部都是妳

The rain I missed all those years
The love I lost all those years
I really want to hug you     embracing the courage which I lacked
I wanted to conquer the world
But it's only when I look back that I discovered
you make up every bit of my world

Dialogue:

Shen Chia-yi: You're a stupid fool! You don't know anything at all.

那些年錯過的大雨
那些年錯過的愛情
好想告訴妳　告訴妳我沒有忘記
那天晚上滿天星星
平行時空下的約定
再一次相遇我會緊緊抱著妳
緊緊抱著妳

The rain I missed all those years
The love I lost all those years
I really want to tell you      tell you that I never forget
That night under the starry skies
I made a promise with you in a parallel universe
If I ever see you again, I'll hug you tightly
I'll hug you tightly

Dialogue:

Shen Chia-yi: Do you want to know the answer? I can tell you now.
Ko Ching-Teng: Please don't tell me now. Please let me have the chance to continue liking you. If I don't ask you, then you can't reject me. So please don't tell me now.

*the word on one of the faces of the lantern says "Yes"*

Ramblings: Exam Aftermath

To do:

- Dual boot Android Honeycomb on my laptop

- Learn Java

- Go for a holiday

- Sort out my music library

- Go Kbox with my buds, my platoon mates, my OG mates

- Sell my bag and laptop

- Have my me-time at Starbucks on a morning

- Do up my DIY laptop coolers

- Root friends' phones

- Do up Arch Linux system

 

To eat:

- Steamboat buffet

- Kushinbo

- Xiao Long Bao buffet

- Meatballs at IKEA

- Fish and Co.

Music: May Day - 溫柔

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nmWVi1v_gOQ

走在風中　今天陽光　突然好溫柔
天的溫柔　地的溫柔　像你抱著我
然後發現　你的改變　孤單的今後
如果冷　該怎麼渡過

天邊風光　身邊的我　都不在你眼中
你的眼中　藏著什麼　我從來都不懂
沒有關係　你的世界　就讓你擁有
不打擾　是我的溫柔

＊不知道　不明瞭　不想要　為什麼　我的心
明明是想靠近　卻孤單到黎明
不知道　不明瞭　不想要　為什麼　我的心
那愛情的綺麗　總是在孤單裡　再把我的最好的愛給你

不知不覺　不情不願　又到巷子口
我沒有哭　也沒有笑　因為這是夢
沒有預兆　沒有理由　你真的有說過
如果有　就讓你自由　 ＊

(如果你對我說 你想要一朵花 那麼 我就會給你一朵花
如果你對我說 你想要一顆星星 那麼 我就會給你一顆星星
如果你對我說 你想要一場雪 那麼 我就會給你一場雪
如果你對我說 你想要離開我 那麼 我會說 我會對你說)

我給你自由　我給你自由
我給你自由　我給你自由
我給你全部全部全部　全部自由

這是我的溫柔　還給你的自由
這是我的溫柔　還給你的自由

 

Ramblings: Thanksgiving 2011

The last time I posted a thanksgiving post was in 2008 and it was a sarcastic post targeted at people I hate.

http://infinite.acperience.net/2008/11/event-thanksgiving-day/

2011 has been the craziest year of my life so I guess I should take some time to thank some people yeah?

The most important person I want to thank for this year is person A, for creating an uproar in my life for the past 6 months. Now I'm not being sarcastic. The whole saga taught me a lot of things, and how much growing up I still have to do at this stage in my life. So thank you for your lessons, even though they were not in kind. Hopefully one day things will become peaceful and I will regain a friend again.

Next is person B, for enduring my giving up. Thanks for everything.

Person C, for being there for me at my lowest, spending so much time and effort on me, unconditionally.
edit* Person C grumbled about not being Person A and that I wrote much shorter compared to Person A. So I'm going to change to Person*. I will never be able to finish writing about Person*. But I guess I can add that I want to thank Person* for being so patient with me, and willing to change for me. Above all, I want to thank Person* for making me feel that actually I can be so loved in this life. So, thank you for all your sacrifices and thank you for liking me.*edit

Person D and E, for guiding me and being there for me when I needed it.

Mrs Lilian Yeap who just passed away a few days ago, for being a wonderful teacher in Xinmin, always giving me encouragement not just for me, for my sister and showing concern for my family as well. May you rest in peace.

My closest gang of stupid idiotic friends for the past 10 years of friendship, for enduring my antics, accepting me for who I am, being less of blocks of wood when I needed it. For all the fun, hardship, anger and laughter we have been through together. For showing that friendship is a story that will never end. For the many more good days to come.

My university friends -

My OG mates, for being wonderful people, sincere and friendly. Many of my friends say you only make hi-bye friends in university. But you guys proved it totally wrong.

CAC, everyone involved one way or another including my sub clubs and from the Union, and the club entity itself, for my growth as a person, as a leader and giving me so much experiences though I was only a year 1. The experiences and friends I made are irreplaceable.

My family, for being there for me and supporting me.

To everyone else, for enduring my personality and forgiving my mistakes. I'm not the easiest person to interact with. I get cranky, moody, bossy, unreasonable. But if you stayed in my life, I appreciate it. If you decided to brush past my life after teaching me a life lesson, I'm grateful too.

Thanksgiven. Appreciation still more. This is not a apology post, so I'll save that for next time.

No Category - Untitled Post

My friends say, "we miss you".

I said "but I'm right here."

"The old you."

I didn't know I was different. But they say people around you know better when it comes to this kind of thing.

"I can't remember" I said.

I can't remember who I used to be, how I used to roll.

Then they leave me be. The cycle repeats. And I can't get out of it.

 

Maybe one day my bulletproof body will come back.

Maybe.

Ramblings: What I Want For Christmas

Top of the list: 32GB Ipod Touch 4th Gen white.

0) You

1) Getaway trip to Bali

2) Android Cookie Jar http://www.googlestore.com/Accessories/Android+Cookie+Jar.axd

3) Android Squishee Doll

4) 1.5TB Western Digital Hard Disk

5) Samsung Galaxy Nexus

6) Trendy backpack

7) New speakers

8 ) New earpiece

9) ASUS 41JV Laptop

10) This slingbag http://missionworkshop.com/products/bags/messenger/roll_top/small_monty.php

 

Sights and Sounds: My Punggol Waterway

[See this post I wrote in May about Punggol Waterway and Punggol Promenade http://infinite.acperience.net/2011/05/sights-and-sounds-punggol-waterfront-park-incomplete/ ]

Part of the Punggol 21 Plus project announced by PM Lee years ago has been completed. This part of the Waterfront Park is called My Punggol Waterway. It's pretty huge and I didn't manage to walk the whole thing despite walking for 2 hours. It's a pretty nice place to be at on a Sunday morning at 7am. The Waterway stretches across many kilometres. I'm not sure how long it is but part of it just lies behind Punggol Interchange. The area behind the interchange is still under construction so there's no way to enter from there. I took a walk towards Punggol Place and then towards Sentul Cresent. You'll then see a LRT station there (it's one of the Punggol West LRT stations so it's not opened yet). Further in you'll see the entrance to Waterway. I believe there are many entrances along the Waterway and this is just one.

In general the Waterway is filled with many small water features. It's basically just a park. At this entrance where I came in, there was a bridge you can cross to the other side of the river. But I suggest not crossing it because the scenery on the side you came in is nicer. The next bridge that allows you to cross back is quite a distance away. Punggol Waterway is meant for many water activities as well but obviously they aren't ready yet. The place also has bits and pieces still under construction. The general view is not that nice if you look across Punggol Central as there's much construction in the background. But in general the park is really nice especially when you look from the top of this structure in the middle of the waterway (just behind Punggol MRT station). I didn't walk to the other paths and just turned back when I reached the bridge so I couldn't tell what else is there or if there are other paths. You should probably keep that in mind if you want to try to get out of the place via other options.

This water playground for kids is at the entrance of the Waterway.

The view of the entrance of the Waterway towards Punggol Central.

There are many of such information walls around to show the history and details of Punggol.

This is the u-turn bridge I took to get back to the other side.

Right before the bridge above there's another path below but I didn't see where it'll lead to.

Punggol Interchange is right behind that structure. There's also stairs for you to climb up for a better view further down this structure. Most of the information walls are on this structure.

This is a photo of the view from the top of the structure. It's a little overexposed though.

This is obvious signs that there are still works going on around on the structure.

That's the LRT right outside the entrance.

There's a puny carpark at the entrance but I don't think it'll be a good idea to drive there during peak hours.

Brain Storm: Talk To Me

Humans are creatures which communicate. Our method of communication is complex, even without words. But what exactly sets us and other animals apart when it comes to survival would be words. As human beings, we are meant to talk to each other. That's how we get our ideas across. We are suppose to be social creatures.

I remember there was a Facebook question spreading around asking "What do you think is the most important thing in a relationship?" There were a few options, among them were "Trust", "Communication", "Sex" and some other crap. Most would say trust. But I say communication. How many people can have so much faith from the start? You need to build faith up, you need to build trust up. It's true that words alone won't do, actions are needed too. But communication is the method to get that done. It is needed to give reassurance, to clear misunderstandings, to apologise for mistakes. Nobody is a mind reader. Thousands of scenarios are possible just from one misjudged fact.

The folly of men is when we assume a knowledge not given to us.

I remember telling myself this when I'm in secondary 3. As I get older I think it applies more than ever, especially to people important to you in your life. Assumptions always causes mistrust. And it'll take more to maintain relationships or friendships than we were in our innocent young selves.

So talk to me. I'm not afraid of awkwardness. Communication will overcome that. I'm not afraid of the overwhelming truth. I can handle that. I'll be here and I won't run away. Just talk to me.

http://lifehacker.com/5849558/how-to-tell-someone-you-dont-like-them-without-being-an-asshole

Rambling: Jaws Dropping Experience

I had a literally jaw dropping experience yesterday with the dentist. It's probably the worst dental appointment I ever had in my life. The dentist was cleaning my teeth and halfway through she told me to not open my mouth so big but I realise I couldn't close it. At first I thought it was just some numbness but I soon found out that I really couldn't close my mouth after the whole 10 mins procedure was over. And I was laughing when I mumbled that I couldn't close my mouth. She said it's a jaw problem and proceeded to jam both her fingers into my mouth all the way into the back of my gums and started adjusting my jaws. She pull and push, lifted my jaws, went in and out, and after a 3 mins ordeal with me laughing away, my jaws went back to it's proper close. I thought it was sort of like dislocation. For the rest of the appointment, she always tell me to open my mouth minimally for fear that it would pop out again. She said it is due to worn out jaws which is caused by age. I'm freaking 22 years old.

I made sure to ask her "if you didn't help me, would I be able to close my mouth?" She laughed and said "should be, eventually." Now I can't yawn with my mouth wide open. And it's still very painful. I can't even close my jaws properly.

Brain Storm: How Can You Assume?

Life is complicated. There are too many possibilities and situations. When two people cross paths in each others' lives, there tends to be too much of a guessing game. Sometimes one tend to believe that he or she knows the other party well enough. When an action is taken, one tends to assume that the actions is taken due to his/her belief of what the other person is.

But there are so many personalities and situations. How are you sure that the person is referring to you, the actions is done because of this, or that feeling is the most dominant one.

How would you know? How can you assume that the other party is assuming this or that?

Ramblings: Change In Leadership Style

Ramblings: Touched

Touching is when your members ask you if they can still call you boss after you step down.

Touching is when someone writes a letter to tell you how appreciated you are.

Touching is when on the last day, your members tell you that you will be missed.

Touching is when on the last day, new members make the effort to find you when you're not around and thank you.

Touching is when your members were too shy to tell you that they think you're the best. Person A says "You are the best president I have ever worked with quoted Person B" then after an awkward moment adds that he thinks so too.

Yes I appreciate it. Very much so.

You don't know how much those words mean to me. No matter how bad of a job I think I did, I know I actually stood for something, that I made a difference, that it was worth it. All of it.

Brain Storm: Right Brain Psychology

At my first biological psychology tutorial, we learnt something interesting. Let's say you need to put on make up (for guys just put yourselves in girls' perspectives), would you use a mirror, or would you use the projection on a screen from a video camera of yourself? Before you answer this question in a bimbotic way, it's good to know that most humans perceive emotions, visuals with their right brain and motory actions, logic with their left brain. If you use your right brain to think, you tend to focus on your left. This means that if you are right brain-ed, when you look at someone, you tend to look on the left side of his or her body. Taking this in mind, would you use a mirror or a video camera?

 

 

The answer is video camera. The reason is simple. When people look at you, they focus on your right half of the body because to their perspective, their left is your right. However, you yourself are also most likely a right brain-ed human. You tend to look at your left as well. A mirror projects a mirror image, ie. when you look at your reflection, your left remains your left, your right remains your right. Since you tend to focus on your left as a right brain-ed creature, you will focus your make up on your left but other people look at your right. On the other hand, a video camera projects an image the same way another person is looking at you. Therefore when you look at your projection through a video camera, your left is your right and your right is your left. Thus you'll prefer to use a video camera to put on make up. Guys, you should try to focus on making your right half look better if you want to impress a right brain-ed girl. If you know that she is left brain-ed, then focus on your left.

Snippets of my Life: My Middle Finger

From my friend's Facebook:

To the person who friggin played his music aloud on the MRT while everyone else was trying to sleep: here's Wen Qin's infamous middle finger and wishing your music player a happy time in the washing machine.

 

Do I show the middle finger so much that it's now my trademark move? I don't okay? Not anymore at least. I'm a good boy now.

Ramblings: Fries with Buds

I saw this photo on Tumblr and it reminds me of the Carl's Junior's beef chilli cheese fries which I always share with my buddies. We would get one person to buy a set (which comes with fries), buy the beef chilli cheese fries and mix them together. It seems really cheapo but that's how we eat good food while saving money. They would give me the last few fries because I'm thinner, not that I would be able to eat because the burger would leave me stuffed already.

I miss hanging out with my buddies.

Oh Yeah It's Uni Life!: All In A (President) Day's Work

12am - Type emails. Receive replies from emails sent out earlier. Reply and repeat.

1am - Discuss work with committee members

2am - Continue to type emails.

3am - Give up replying to replies. Start doing tutorials.

4am - Sleep.

8.30am - Oversleep for 9am class. Shower, wash up.

8.45am - Rush out of hostel, realise there's meeting later. Run back to room and change into smart casual or formal, pack and bring laptop/personal planner out.

9am - Cut from school of computing to faculty of engineering.

9.10am - 11am - Tutorial. Doze off and hang head above tutorial worksheet.

11am - 1pm - Lecture. While listening halfway through, receive emails and start replying. Sms committee members to get work done. Recall that the meeting later requires reading up. Reads documents instead of listening to lecture.

1pm - Pon lecture. Go to student lounge to prepare for meeting later.

2pm - Meeting with club.

2.30pm - Meeting with another club.

3pm - Meeting with school administration.

4pm - Meeting with committee members.

5pm - Meeting with club.

6pm - Lunch/Dinner.

7pm - Meeting with other committee members.

8pm - Return to hostel.

9pm - 10pm - Nap.

10pm - 12am - Laze in front of computer. Complain to friends. Read documents, emails. Type emails.

12am - Repeat.

Snippets of my Life: 4) Lean Not Thin

CZ is exclaiming out about her thin friend at NUSS Cafe on the Ridge.

CZ: I got this friend right, he's very thin. Even thinner than you.
*points at me*
CZ: then right -
*I interrupt her*
Me: I'm not thin.
CZ: erm, okay. so -
*I interrupt her again*
Me: I'm lean.
CZ: okayokay, so I got this friend right he's very lean. -
*I interrupt her again*
Me: I'm lean, he's thin.
CZ: okay okay, you're lean, he's thin.

Just being anal about simple stuff. Lol.

Snippets of my Life: 5) Who Is More Important?

I'm at a friend's 21st birthday party. I was supposed to meet my gang later that night.

Gang: Just leave the party early.
Me: Cannot lah.
Gang: We are more important right?

Yes, 3 big men say things like that.

Snippets of my Life: 3) Beef with Cheese

At Carousel, Ed and I were taking food from the buffet table. There were 3 slices of beef with cheese on top left. [10/08/2011]

Ed: Come, I help you. This one give you.
*picked up 2 big piece of beef with almost no cheese on top and put it on my plate*
*then picked up the small piece but has a lot of cheese on it and put it on his plate*
Me: WTF You damn f***ed up leh!! You give me no cheese one then you take got cheese one.
Ed: Got! Got cheese!
*scoops some remaining cheese on the wok and put on my plate*
Me: No? That's like so little!
*continues to throw tantrum*
Ed: Aiya okay lah give you lah.
Me: Win.
*not a single speck of remorse or give face at all*

Okay I'm a total bastard but they are used to it. Lol.