http://www.straitstimes.com/BreakingNews/Singapore/Story/STIStory_625838.html
I first saw this on Facebook and believe me I didn't know NUS students can be this lame. I eat alone often because my lessons clash with many of my closer friends. I dislike eating with random new people and I won't call myself anti social. Many times, the canteen is overcrowded and you just want to settle your lunch quickly and get over and done with it. Will you not eat lunch just because nobody is accompanying you? All my friends I spoke to can't be bothered with this anyway. It's a waste of time and money.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Friday, January 21, 2011
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Tech Speak: Google Drops Support For H.264
http://techcrunch.com/2011/01/11/google-chrome-browser-h-264-video/
It is upsetting to know that Google and friends (Firefox, the open source people and the likes) are not continuing to support H.264, a common video codec widely used by Apple. As a user of H.264 (infrequently but still), I felt that it was a promising codec seeing how both Apple and Google supported it (Youtube was trying out a ton of H.264 vids if I'm not wrong). Still, there's no much hype about Web M which incidentally I only recalled upon reading the article above. At least Adobe is jumping onto the ship for Web M (a new open source codec project spearheaded by Google and joined by many many other platforms).
It is upsetting to know that Google and friends (Firefox, the open source people and the likes) are not continuing to support H.264, a common video codec widely used by Apple. As a user of H.264 (infrequently but still), I felt that it was a promising codec seeing how both Apple and Google supported it (Youtube was trying out a ton of H.264 vids if I'm not wrong). Still, there's no much hype about Web M which incidentally I only recalled upon reading the article above. At least Adobe is jumping onto the ship for Web M (a new open source codec project spearheaded by Google and joined by many many other platforms).
Saturday, January 08, 2011
Brain Storm: Seek Help, Keep Striving, Don't Give Up
http://metatalk.metafilter.com/20205/RIP-Bill-Zeller
I saw this post from a friend's Facebook wall. Out of curiosity, I read the post. This guy Bill was apparently a very capable and seemingly happy person. He committed suicide a while ago and left a letter to explain why he did it. It was really sad to read his letter and realise how hopeless he had felt against society, against religion, against family, against everyone. He was completely convinced that no professionals will be able to help him and even at the unlikely event that they can, they would have betrayed his trust by going to the authorities (and thereby revealing his secret to other people). He was raped when he was young and the dark shadows had never stopped haunting him since. It's a sad reminder again that no matter what kind of serious problem you have, you should always seek help. There's always a listener out there, and things will always get better. You just have to learn to trust, to learn to take that step forward. It may take some time. It may take a long time. But don't give up hope. Don't give in to the darkness. I shan't act righteous and say that suicide is a choice and it's not selfish to commit suicide because I still think it is. Not just because you'll make people sad. It's because there's still so much to live for, so much you can do for the society. You're selfish to yourself and to a greater good. This is especially so for him, as a talented programmer.
This also reminds me that not everyone is the happy person that he or she portrays himself or herself to be. Just like Bill, you'll never know what a person can truly feel and what that person has experienced before. Sometimes, it's not a badly thing to be slightly intrusive. Because you'll never know if you are the perfect help to the someone who needs it.
Below is the letter he left behind. It's a heavy letter to read to be warned. And to Bill Zeller, the world is saddened to have lost a great programmer and I truly hope that you're in a better place now. Rest in peace.
I have the urge to declare my sanity and justify my actions, but I assume I'll never be able to convince anyone that this was the right decision. Maybe it's true that anyone who does this is insane by definition, but I can at least explain my reasoning. I considered not writing any of this because of how personal it is, but I like tying up loose ends and don't want people to wonder why I did this. Since I've never spoken to anyone about what happened to me, people would likely draw the wrong conclusions.
My first memories as a child are of being raped, repeatedly. This has affected every aspect of my life. This darkness, which is the only way I can describe it, has followed me like a fog, but at times intensified and overwhelmed me, usually triggered by a distinct situation. In kindergarten I couldn't use the bathroom and would stand petrified whenever I needed to, which started a trend of awkward and unexplained social behavior. The damage that was done to my body still prevents me from using the bathroom normally, but now it's less of a physical impediment than a daily reminder of what was done to me.
This darkness followed me as I grew up. I remember spending hours playing with legos, having my world consist of me and a box of cold, plastic blocks. Just waiting for everything to end. It's the same thing I do now, but instead of legos it's surfing the web or reading or listening to a baseball game. Most of my life has been spent feeling dead inside, waiting for my body to catch up.
At times growing up I would feel inconsolable rage, but I never connected this to what happened until puberty. I was able to keep the darkness at bay for a few hours at a time by doing things that required intense concentration, but it would always come back. Programming appealed to me for this reason. I was never particularly fond of computers or mathematically inclined, but the temporary peace it would provide was like a drug. But the darkness always returned and built up something like a tolerance, because programming has become less and less of a refuge.
The darkness is with me nearly every time I wake up. I feel like a grime is covering me. I feel like I'm trapped in a contimated body that no amount of washing will clean. Whenever I think about what happened I feel manic and itchy and can't concentrate on anything else. It manifests itself in hours of eating or staying up for days at a time or sleeping for sixteen hours straight or week long programming binges or constantly going to the gym. I'm exhausted from feeling like this every hour of every day.
Three to four nights a week I have nightmares about what happened. It makes me avoid sleep and constantly tired, because sleeping with what feels like hours of nightmares is not restful. I wake up sweaty and furious. I'm reminded every morning of what was done to me and the control it has over my life.
I've never been able to stop thinking about what happened to me and this hampered my social interactions. I would be angry and lost in thought and then be interrupted by someone saying "Hi" or making small talk, unable to understand why I seemed cold and distant. I walked around, viewing the outside world from a distant portal behind my eyes, unable to perform normal human niceties. I wondered what it would be like to take to other people without what happened constantly on my mind, and I wondered if other people had similar experiences that they were better able to mask.
Alcohol was also something that let me escape the darkness. It would always find me later, though, and it was always angry that I managed to escape and it made me pay. Many of the irresponsible things I did were the result of the darkness. Obviously I'm responsible for every decision and action, including this one, but there are reasons why things happen the way they do.
Alcohol and other drugs provided a way to ignore the realities of my situation. It was easy to spend the night drinking and forget that I had no future to look forward to. I never liked what alcohol did to me, but it was better than facing my existence honestly. I haven't touched alcohol or any other drug in over seven months (and no drugs or alcohol will be involved when I do this) and this has forced me to evaluate my life in an honest and clear way. There's no future here. The darkness will always be with me.
I used to think if I solved some problem or achieved some goal, maybe he would leave. It was comforting to identify tangible issues as the source of my problems instead of something that I'll never be able to change. I thought that if I got into to a good college, or a good grad school, or lost weight, or went to the gym nearly every day for a year, or created programs that millions of people used, or spent a summer or California or New York or published papers that I was proud of, then maybe I would feel some peace and not be constantly haunted and unhappy. But nothing I did made a dent in how depressed I was on a daily basis and nothing was in any way fulfilling. I'm not sure why I ever thought that would change anything.
I didn't realize how deep a hold he had on me and my life until my first relationship. I stupidly assumed that no matter how the darkness affected me personally, my romantic relationships would somehow be separated and protected. Growing up I viewed my future relationships as a possible escape from this thing that haunts me every day, but I began to realize how entangled it was with every aspect of my life and how it is never going to release me. Instead of being an escape, relationships and romantic contact with other people only intensified everything about him that I couldn't stand. I will never be able to have a relationship in which he is not the focus, affecting every aspect of my romantic interactions.
Relationships always started out fine and I'd be able to ignore him for a few weeks. But as we got closer emotionally the darkness would return and every night it'd be me, her and the darkness in a black and gruesome threesome. He would surround me and penetrate me and the more we did the more intense it became. It made me hate being touched, because as long as we were separated I could view her like an outsider viewing something good and kind and untainted. Once we touched, the darkness would envelope her too and take her over and the evil inside me would surround her. I always felt like I was infecting anyone I was with.
Relationships didn't work. No one I dated was the right match, and I thought that maybe if I found the right person it would overwhelm him. Part of me knew that finding the right person wouldn't help, so I became interested in girls who obviously had no interest in me. For a while I thought I was gay. I convinced myself that it wasn't the darkness at all, but rather my orientation, because this would give me control over why things didn't feel "right". The fact that the darkness affected sexual matters most intensely made this idea make some sense and I convinced myself of this for a number of years, starting in college after my first relationship ended. I told people I was gay (at Trinity, not at Princeton), even though I wasn't attracted to men and kept finding myself interested in girls. Because if being gay wasn't the answer, then what was? People thought I was avoiding my orientation, but I was actually avoiding the truth, which is that while I'm straight, I will never be content with anyone. I know now that the darkness will never leave.
Last spring I met someone who was unlike anyone else I'd ever met. Someone who showed me just how well two people could get along and how much I could care about another human being. Someone I know I could be with and love for the rest of my life, if I weren't so fucked up. Amazingly, she liked me. She liked the shell of the man the darkness had left behind. But it didn't matter because I couldn't be alone with her. It was never just the two of us, it was always the three of us: her, me and the darkness. The closer we got, the more intensely I'd feel the darkness, like some evil mirror of my emotions. All the closeness we had and I loved was complemented by agony that I couldn't stand, from him. I realized that I would never be able to give her, or anyone, all of me or only me. She could never have me without the darkness and evil inside me. I could never have just her, without the darkness being a part of all of our interactions. I will never be able to be at peace or content or in a healthy relationship. I realized the futility of the romantic part of my life. If I had never met her, I would have realized this as soon as I met someone else who I meshed similarly well with. It's likely that things wouldn't have worked out with her and we would have broken up (with our relationship ending, like the majority of relationships do) even if I didn't have this problem, since we only dated for a short time. But I will face exactly the same problems with the darkness with anyone else. Despite my hopes, love and compatability is not enough. Nothing is enough. There's no way I can fix this or even push the darkness down far enough to make a relationship or any type of intimacy feasible.
So I watched as things fell apart between us. I had put an explicit time limit on our relationship, since I knew it couldn't last because of the darkness and didn't want to hold her back, and this caused a variety of problems. She was put in an unnatural situation that she never should have been a part of. It must have been very hard for her, not knowing what was actually going on with me, but this is not something I've ever been able to talk about with anyone. Losing her was very hard for me as well. Not because of her (I got over our relationship relatively quickly), but because of the realization that I would never have another relationship and because it signified the last true, exclusive personal connection I could ever have. This wasn't apparent to other people, because I could never talk about the real reasons for my sadness. I was very sad in the summer and fall, but it was not because of her, it was because I will never escape the darkness with anyone. She was so loving and kind to me and gave me everything I could have asked for under the circumstances. I'll never forget how much happiness she brought me in those briefs moments when I could ignore the darkness. I had originally planned to kill myself last winter but never got around to it. (Parts of this letter were written over a year ago, other parts days before doing this.) It was wrong of me to involve myself in her life if this were a possibility and I should have just left her alone, even though we only dated for a few months and things ended a long time ago. She's just one more person in a long list of people I've hurt.
I could spend pages talking about the other relationships I've had that were ruined because of my problems and my confusion related to the darkness. I've hurt so many great people because of who I am and my inability to experience what needs to be experienced. All I can say is that I tried to be honest with people about what I thought was true.
I've spent my life hurting people. Today will be the last time.
I've told different people a lot of things, but I've never told anyone about what happened to me, ever, for obvious reasons. It took me a while to realize that no matter how close you are to someone or how much they claim to love you, people simply cannot keep secrets. I learned this a few years ago when I thought I was gay and told people. The more harmful the secret, the juicier the gossip and the more likely you are to be betrayed. People don't care about their word or what they've promised, they just do whatever the fuck they want and justify it later. It feels incredibly lonely to realize you can never share something with someone and have it be between just the two of you. I don't blame anyone in particular, I guess it's just how people are. Even if I felt like this is something I could have shared, I have no interest in being part of a friendship or relationship where the other person views me as the damaged and contaminated person that I am. So even if I were able to trust someone, I probably would not have told them about what happened to me. At this point I simply don't care who knows.
I feel an evil inside me. An evil that makes me want to end life. I need to stop this. I need to make sure I don't kill someone, which is not something that can be easily undone. I don't know if this is related to what happened to me or something different. I recognize the irony of killing myself to prevent myself from killing someone else, but this decision should indicate what I'm capable of.
So I've realized I will never escape the darkness or misery associated with it and I have a responsibility to stop myself from physically harming others.
I'm just a broken, miserable shell of a human being. Being molested has defined me as a person and shaped me as a human being and it has made me the monster I am and there's nothing I can do to escape it. I don't know any other existence. I don't know what life feels like where I'm apart from any of this. I actively despise the person I am. I just feel fundamentally broken, almost non-human. I feel like an animal that woke up one day in a human body, trying to make sense of a foreign world, living among creatures it doesn't understand and can't connect with.
I have accepted that the darkness will never allow me to be in a relationship. I will never go to sleep with someone in my arms, feeling the comfort of their hands around me. I will never know what uncontimated intimacy is like. I will never have an exclusive bond with someone, someone who can be the recipient of all the love I have to give. I will never have children, and I wanted to be a father so badly. I think I would have made a good dad. And even if I had fought through the darkness and married and had children all while being unable to feel intimacy, I could have never done that if suicide were a possibility. I did try to minimize pain, although I know that this decision will hurt many of you. If this hurts you, I hope that you can at least forget about me quickly.
There's no point in identifying who molested me, so I'm just going to leave it at that. I doubt the word of a dead guy with no evidence about something that happened over twenty years ago would have much sway.
You may wonder why I didn't just talk to a professional about this. I've seen a number of doctors since I was a teenager to talk about other issues and I'm positive that another doctor would not have helped. I was never given one piece of actionable advice, ever. More than a few spent a large part of the session reading their notes to remember who I was. And I have no interest in talking about being raped as a child, both because I know it wouldn't help and because I have no confidence it would remain secret. I know the legal and practical limits of doctor/patient confidentiality, growing up in a house where we'd hear stories about the various mental illnesses of famous people, stories that were passed down through generations. All it takes is one doctor who thinks my story is interesting enough to share or a doctor who thinks it's her right or responsibility to contact the authorities and have me identify the molestor (justifying her decision by telling herself that someone else might be in danger). All it takes is a single doctor who violates my trust, just like the "friends" who I told I was gay did, and everything would be made public and I'd be forced to live in a world where people would know how fucked up I am. And yes, I realize this indicates that I have severe trust issues, but they're based on a large number of experiences with people who have shown a profound disrepect for their word and the privacy of others.
People say suicide is selfish. I think it's selfish to ask people to continue living painful and miserable lives, just so you possibly won't feel sad for a week or two. Suicide may be a permanent solution to a temporary problem, but it's also a permanent solution to a ~23 year-old problem that grows more intense and overwhelming every day.
Some people are just dealt bad hands in this life. I know many people have it worse than I do, and maybe I'm just not a strong person, but I really did try to deal with this. I've tried to deal with this every day for the last 23 years and I just can't fucking take it anymore.
I often wonder what life must be like for other people. People who can feel the love from others and give it back unadulterated, people who can experience sex as an intimate and joyous experience, people who can experience the colors and happenings of this world without constant misery. I wonder who I'd be if things had been different or if I were a stronger person. It sounds pretty great.
I'm prepared for death. I'm prepared for the pain and I am ready to no longer exist. Thanks to the strictness of New Jersey gun laws this will probably be much more painful than it needs to be, but what can you do. My only fear at this point is messing something up and surviving.
—-
I'd also like to address my family, if you can call them that. I despise everything they stand for and I truly hate them, in a non-emotional, dispassionate and what I believe is a healthy way. The world will be a better place when they're dead—one with less hatred and intolerance.
If you're unfamiliar with the situation, my parents are fundamentalist Christians who kicked me out of their house and cut me off financially when I was 19 because I refused to attend seven hours of church a week.
They live in a black and white reality they've constructed for themselves. They partition the world into good and evil and survive by hating everything they fear or misunderstand and calling it love. They don't understand that good and decent people exist all around us, "saved" or not, and that evil and cruel people occupy a large percentage of their church. They take advantage of people looking for hope by teaching them to practice the same hatred they practice.
A random example:
"I am personally convinced that if a Muslim truly believes and obeys the Koran, he will be a terrorist." - George Zeller, August 24, 2010.
If you choose to follow a religion where, for example, devout Catholics who are trying to be good people are all going to Hell but child molestors go to Heaven (as long as they were "saved" at some point), that's your choice, but it's fucked up. Maybe a God who operates by those rules does exist. If so, fuck Him.
Their church was always more important than the members of their family and they happily sacrificed whatever necessary in order to satisfy their contrived beliefs about who they should be.
I grew up in a house where love was proxied through a God I could never believe in. A house where the love of music with any sort of a beat was literally beaten out of me. A house full of hatred and intolerance, run by two people who were experts at appearing kind and warm when others were around. Parents who tell an eight year old that his grandmother is going to Hell because she's Catholic. Parents who claim not to be racist but then talk about the horrors of miscegenation. I could list hundreds of other examples, but it's tiring.
Since being kicked out, I've interacted with them in relatively normal ways. I talk to them on the phone like nothing happened. I'm not sure why. Maybe because I like pretending I have a family. Maybe I like having people I can talk to about what's been going on in my life. Whatever the reason, it's not real and it feels like a sham. I should have never allowed this reconnection to happen.
I wrote the above a while ago, and I do feel like that much of the time. At other times, though, I feel less hateful. I know my parents honestly believe the crap they believe in. I know that my mom, at least, loved me very much and tried her best. One reason I put this off for so long is because I know how much pain it will cause her. She has been sad since she found out I wasn't "saved", since she believes I'm going to Hell, which is not a sadness for which I am responsible. That was never going to change, and presumably she believes the state of my physical body is much less important than the state of my soul. Still, I cannot intellectually justify this decision, knowing how much it will hurt her. Maybe my ability to take my own life, knowing how much pain it will cause, shows that I am a monster who doesn't deserve to live. All I know is that I can't deal with this pain any longer and I'm am truly sorry I couldn't wait until my family and everyone I knew died so this could be done without hurting anyone. For years I've wished that I'd be hit by a bus or die while saving a baby from drowning so my death might be more acceptable, but I was never so lucky.
—-
To those of you who have shown me love, thank you for putting up with all my shittiness and moodiness and arbitrariness. I was never the person I wanted to be. Maybe without the darkness I would have been a better person, maybe not. I did try to be a good person, but I realize I never got very far.
I'm sorry for the pain this causes. I really do wish I had another option. I hope this letter explains why I needed to do this. If you can't understand this decision, I hope you can at least forgive me.
Bill Zeller
—-
Please save this letter and repost it if gets deleted. I don't want people to wonder why I did this. I disseminated it more widely than I might have otherwise because I'm worried that my family might try to restrict access to it. I don't mind if this letter is made public. In fact, I'd prefer it be made public to people being unable to read it and drawing their own conclusions.
Feel free to republish this letter, but only if it is reproduced in its entirety.
I saw this post from a friend's Facebook wall. Out of curiosity, I read the post. This guy Bill was apparently a very capable and seemingly happy person. He committed suicide a while ago and left a letter to explain why he did it. It was really sad to read his letter and realise how hopeless he had felt against society, against religion, against family, against everyone. He was completely convinced that no professionals will be able to help him and even at the unlikely event that they can, they would have betrayed his trust by going to the authorities (and thereby revealing his secret to other people). He was raped when he was young and the dark shadows had never stopped haunting him since. It's a sad reminder again that no matter what kind of serious problem you have, you should always seek help. There's always a listener out there, and things will always get better. You just have to learn to trust, to learn to take that step forward. It may take some time. It may take a long time. But don't give up hope. Don't give in to the darkness. I shan't act righteous and say that suicide is a choice and it's not selfish to commit suicide because I still think it is. Not just because you'll make people sad. It's because there's still so much to live for, so much you can do for the society. You're selfish to yourself and to a greater good. This is especially so for him, as a talented programmer.
This also reminds me that not everyone is the happy person that he or she portrays himself or herself to be. Just like Bill, you'll never know what a person can truly feel and what that person has experienced before. Sometimes, it's not a badly thing to be slightly intrusive. Because you'll never know if you are the perfect help to the someone who needs it.
Below is the letter he left behind. It's a heavy letter to read to be warned. And to Bill Zeller, the world is saddened to have lost a great programmer and I truly hope that you're in a better place now. Rest in peace.
You're never alone... Have faith...
Bill Zeller
I have the urge to declare my sanity and justify my actions, but I assume I'll never be able to convince anyone that this was the right decision. Maybe it's true that anyone who does this is insane by definition, but I can at least explain my reasoning. I considered not writing any of this because of how personal it is, but I like tying up loose ends and don't want people to wonder why I did this. Since I've never spoken to anyone about what happened to me, people would likely draw the wrong conclusions.
My first memories as a child are of being raped, repeatedly. This has affected every aspect of my life. This darkness, which is the only way I can describe it, has followed me like a fog, but at times intensified and overwhelmed me, usually triggered by a distinct situation. In kindergarten I couldn't use the bathroom and would stand petrified whenever I needed to, which started a trend of awkward and unexplained social behavior. The damage that was done to my body still prevents me from using the bathroom normally, but now it's less of a physical impediment than a daily reminder of what was done to me.
This darkness followed me as I grew up. I remember spending hours playing with legos, having my world consist of me and a box of cold, plastic blocks. Just waiting for everything to end. It's the same thing I do now, but instead of legos it's surfing the web or reading or listening to a baseball game. Most of my life has been spent feeling dead inside, waiting for my body to catch up.
At times growing up I would feel inconsolable rage, but I never connected this to what happened until puberty. I was able to keep the darkness at bay for a few hours at a time by doing things that required intense concentration, but it would always come back. Programming appealed to me for this reason. I was never particularly fond of computers or mathematically inclined, but the temporary peace it would provide was like a drug. But the darkness always returned and built up something like a tolerance, because programming has become less and less of a refuge.
The darkness is with me nearly every time I wake up. I feel like a grime is covering me. I feel like I'm trapped in a contimated body that no amount of washing will clean. Whenever I think about what happened I feel manic and itchy and can't concentrate on anything else. It manifests itself in hours of eating or staying up for days at a time or sleeping for sixteen hours straight or week long programming binges or constantly going to the gym. I'm exhausted from feeling like this every hour of every day.
Three to four nights a week I have nightmares about what happened. It makes me avoid sleep and constantly tired, because sleeping with what feels like hours of nightmares is not restful. I wake up sweaty and furious. I'm reminded every morning of what was done to me and the control it has over my life.
I've never been able to stop thinking about what happened to me and this hampered my social interactions. I would be angry and lost in thought and then be interrupted by someone saying "Hi" or making small talk, unable to understand why I seemed cold and distant. I walked around, viewing the outside world from a distant portal behind my eyes, unable to perform normal human niceties. I wondered what it would be like to take to other people without what happened constantly on my mind, and I wondered if other people had similar experiences that they were better able to mask.
Alcohol was also something that let me escape the darkness. It would always find me later, though, and it was always angry that I managed to escape and it made me pay. Many of the irresponsible things I did were the result of the darkness. Obviously I'm responsible for every decision and action, including this one, but there are reasons why things happen the way they do.
Alcohol and other drugs provided a way to ignore the realities of my situation. It was easy to spend the night drinking and forget that I had no future to look forward to. I never liked what alcohol did to me, but it was better than facing my existence honestly. I haven't touched alcohol or any other drug in over seven months (and no drugs or alcohol will be involved when I do this) and this has forced me to evaluate my life in an honest and clear way. There's no future here. The darkness will always be with me.
I used to think if I solved some problem or achieved some goal, maybe he would leave. It was comforting to identify tangible issues as the source of my problems instead of something that I'll never be able to change. I thought that if I got into to a good college, or a good grad school, or lost weight, or went to the gym nearly every day for a year, or created programs that millions of people used, or spent a summer or California or New York or published papers that I was proud of, then maybe I would feel some peace and not be constantly haunted and unhappy. But nothing I did made a dent in how depressed I was on a daily basis and nothing was in any way fulfilling. I'm not sure why I ever thought that would change anything.
I didn't realize how deep a hold he had on me and my life until my first relationship. I stupidly assumed that no matter how the darkness affected me personally, my romantic relationships would somehow be separated and protected. Growing up I viewed my future relationships as a possible escape from this thing that haunts me every day, but I began to realize how entangled it was with every aspect of my life and how it is never going to release me. Instead of being an escape, relationships and romantic contact with other people only intensified everything about him that I couldn't stand. I will never be able to have a relationship in which he is not the focus, affecting every aspect of my romantic interactions.
Relationships always started out fine and I'd be able to ignore him for a few weeks. But as we got closer emotionally the darkness would return and every night it'd be me, her and the darkness in a black and gruesome threesome. He would surround me and penetrate me and the more we did the more intense it became. It made me hate being touched, because as long as we were separated I could view her like an outsider viewing something good and kind and untainted. Once we touched, the darkness would envelope her too and take her over and the evil inside me would surround her. I always felt like I was infecting anyone I was with.
Relationships didn't work. No one I dated was the right match, and I thought that maybe if I found the right person it would overwhelm him. Part of me knew that finding the right person wouldn't help, so I became interested in girls who obviously had no interest in me. For a while I thought I was gay. I convinced myself that it wasn't the darkness at all, but rather my orientation, because this would give me control over why things didn't feel "right". The fact that the darkness affected sexual matters most intensely made this idea make some sense and I convinced myself of this for a number of years, starting in college after my first relationship ended. I told people I was gay (at Trinity, not at Princeton), even though I wasn't attracted to men and kept finding myself interested in girls. Because if being gay wasn't the answer, then what was? People thought I was avoiding my orientation, but I was actually avoiding the truth, which is that while I'm straight, I will never be content with anyone. I know now that the darkness will never leave.
Last spring I met someone who was unlike anyone else I'd ever met. Someone who showed me just how well two people could get along and how much I could care about another human being. Someone I know I could be with and love for the rest of my life, if I weren't so fucked up. Amazingly, she liked me. She liked the shell of the man the darkness had left behind. But it didn't matter because I couldn't be alone with her. It was never just the two of us, it was always the three of us: her, me and the darkness. The closer we got, the more intensely I'd feel the darkness, like some evil mirror of my emotions. All the closeness we had and I loved was complemented by agony that I couldn't stand, from him. I realized that I would never be able to give her, or anyone, all of me or only me. She could never have me without the darkness and evil inside me. I could never have just her, without the darkness being a part of all of our interactions. I will never be able to be at peace or content or in a healthy relationship. I realized the futility of the romantic part of my life. If I had never met her, I would have realized this as soon as I met someone else who I meshed similarly well with. It's likely that things wouldn't have worked out with her and we would have broken up (with our relationship ending, like the majority of relationships do) even if I didn't have this problem, since we only dated for a short time. But I will face exactly the same problems with the darkness with anyone else. Despite my hopes, love and compatability is not enough. Nothing is enough. There's no way I can fix this or even push the darkness down far enough to make a relationship or any type of intimacy feasible.
So I watched as things fell apart between us. I had put an explicit time limit on our relationship, since I knew it couldn't last because of the darkness and didn't want to hold her back, and this caused a variety of problems. She was put in an unnatural situation that she never should have been a part of. It must have been very hard for her, not knowing what was actually going on with me, but this is not something I've ever been able to talk about with anyone. Losing her was very hard for me as well. Not because of her (I got over our relationship relatively quickly), but because of the realization that I would never have another relationship and because it signified the last true, exclusive personal connection I could ever have. This wasn't apparent to other people, because I could never talk about the real reasons for my sadness. I was very sad in the summer and fall, but it was not because of her, it was because I will never escape the darkness with anyone. She was so loving and kind to me and gave me everything I could have asked for under the circumstances. I'll never forget how much happiness she brought me in those briefs moments when I could ignore the darkness. I had originally planned to kill myself last winter but never got around to it. (Parts of this letter were written over a year ago, other parts days before doing this.) It was wrong of me to involve myself in her life if this were a possibility and I should have just left her alone, even though we only dated for a few months and things ended a long time ago. She's just one more person in a long list of people I've hurt.
I could spend pages talking about the other relationships I've had that were ruined because of my problems and my confusion related to the darkness. I've hurt so many great people because of who I am and my inability to experience what needs to be experienced. All I can say is that I tried to be honest with people about what I thought was true.
I've spent my life hurting people. Today will be the last time.
I've told different people a lot of things, but I've never told anyone about what happened to me, ever, for obvious reasons. It took me a while to realize that no matter how close you are to someone or how much they claim to love you, people simply cannot keep secrets. I learned this a few years ago when I thought I was gay and told people. The more harmful the secret, the juicier the gossip and the more likely you are to be betrayed. People don't care about their word or what they've promised, they just do whatever the fuck they want and justify it later. It feels incredibly lonely to realize you can never share something with someone and have it be between just the two of you. I don't blame anyone in particular, I guess it's just how people are. Even if I felt like this is something I could have shared, I have no interest in being part of a friendship or relationship where the other person views me as the damaged and contaminated person that I am. So even if I were able to trust someone, I probably would not have told them about what happened to me. At this point I simply don't care who knows.
I feel an evil inside me. An evil that makes me want to end life. I need to stop this. I need to make sure I don't kill someone, which is not something that can be easily undone. I don't know if this is related to what happened to me or something different. I recognize the irony of killing myself to prevent myself from killing someone else, but this decision should indicate what I'm capable of.
So I've realized I will never escape the darkness or misery associated with it and I have a responsibility to stop myself from physically harming others.
I'm just a broken, miserable shell of a human being. Being molested has defined me as a person and shaped me as a human being and it has made me the monster I am and there's nothing I can do to escape it. I don't know any other existence. I don't know what life feels like where I'm apart from any of this. I actively despise the person I am. I just feel fundamentally broken, almost non-human. I feel like an animal that woke up one day in a human body, trying to make sense of a foreign world, living among creatures it doesn't understand and can't connect with.
I have accepted that the darkness will never allow me to be in a relationship. I will never go to sleep with someone in my arms, feeling the comfort of their hands around me. I will never know what uncontimated intimacy is like. I will never have an exclusive bond with someone, someone who can be the recipient of all the love I have to give. I will never have children, and I wanted to be a father so badly. I think I would have made a good dad. And even if I had fought through the darkness and married and had children all while being unable to feel intimacy, I could have never done that if suicide were a possibility. I did try to minimize pain, although I know that this decision will hurt many of you. If this hurts you, I hope that you can at least forget about me quickly.
There's no point in identifying who molested me, so I'm just going to leave it at that. I doubt the word of a dead guy with no evidence about something that happened over twenty years ago would have much sway.
You may wonder why I didn't just talk to a professional about this. I've seen a number of doctors since I was a teenager to talk about other issues and I'm positive that another doctor would not have helped. I was never given one piece of actionable advice, ever. More than a few spent a large part of the session reading their notes to remember who I was. And I have no interest in talking about being raped as a child, both because I know it wouldn't help and because I have no confidence it would remain secret. I know the legal and practical limits of doctor/patient confidentiality, growing up in a house where we'd hear stories about the various mental illnesses of famous people, stories that were passed down through generations. All it takes is one doctor who thinks my story is interesting enough to share or a doctor who thinks it's her right or responsibility to contact the authorities and have me identify the molestor (justifying her decision by telling herself that someone else might be in danger). All it takes is a single doctor who violates my trust, just like the "friends" who I told I was gay did, and everything would be made public and I'd be forced to live in a world where people would know how fucked up I am. And yes, I realize this indicates that I have severe trust issues, but they're based on a large number of experiences with people who have shown a profound disrepect for their word and the privacy of others.
People say suicide is selfish. I think it's selfish to ask people to continue living painful and miserable lives, just so you possibly won't feel sad for a week or two. Suicide may be a permanent solution to a temporary problem, but it's also a permanent solution to a ~23 year-old problem that grows more intense and overwhelming every day.
Some people are just dealt bad hands in this life. I know many people have it worse than I do, and maybe I'm just not a strong person, but I really did try to deal with this. I've tried to deal with this every day for the last 23 years and I just can't fucking take it anymore.
I often wonder what life must be like for other people. People who can feel the love from others and give it back unadulterated, people who can experience sex as an intimate and joyous experience, people who can experience the colors and happenings of this world without constant misery. I wonder who I'd be if things had been different or if I were a stronger person. It sounds pretty great.
I'm prepared for death. I'm prepared for the pain and I am ready to no longer exist. Thanks to the strictness of New Jersey gun laws this will probably be much more painful than it needs to be, but what can you do. My only fear at this point is messing something up and surviving.
—-
I'd also like to address my family, if you can call them that. I despise everything they stand for and I truly hate them, in a non-emotional, dispassionate and what I believe is a healthy way. The world will be a better place when they're dead—one with less hatred and intolerance.
If you're unfamiliar with the situation, my parents are fundamentalist Christians who kicked me out of their house and cut me off financially when I was 19 because I refused to attend seven hours of church a week.
They live in a black and white reality they've constructed for themselves. They partition the world into good and evil and survive by hating everything they fear or misunderstand and calling it love. They don't understand that good and decent people exist all around us, "saved" or not, and that evil and cruel people occupy a large percentage of their church. They take advantage of people looking for hope by teaching them to practice the same hatred they practice.
A random example:
"I am personally convinced that if a Muslim truly believes and obeys the Koran, he will be a terrorist." - George Zeller, August 24, 2010.
If you choose to follow a religion where, for example, devout Catholics who are trying to be good people are all going to Hell but child molestors go to Heaven (as long as they were "saved" at some point), that's your choice, but it's fucked up. Maybe a God who operates by those rules does exist. If so, fuck Him.
Their church was always more important than the members of their family and they happily sacrificed whatever necessary in order to satisfy their contrived beliefs about who they should be.
I grew up in a house where love was proxied through a God I could never believe in. A house where the love of music with any sort of a beat was literally beaten out of me. A house full of hatred and intolerance, run by two people who were experts at appearing kind and warm when others were around. Parents who tell an eight year old that his grandmother is going to Hell because she's Catholic. Parents who claim not to be racist but then talk about the horrors of miscegenation. I could list hundreds of other examples, but it's tiring.
Since being kicked out, I've interacted with them in relatively normal ways. I talk to them on the phone like nothing happened. I'm not sure why. Maybe because I like pretending I have a family. Maybe I like having people I can talk to about what's been going on in my life. Whatever the reason, it's not real and it feels like a sham. I should have never allowed this reconnection to happen.
I wrote the above a while ago, and I do feel like that much of the time. At other times, though, I feel less hateful. I know my parents honestly believe the crap they believe in. I know that my mom, at least, loved me very much and tried her best. One reason I put this off for so long is because I know how much pain it will cause her. She has been sad since she found out I wasn't "saved", since she believes I'm going to Hell, which is not a sadness for which I am responsible. That was never going to change, and presumably she believes the state of my physical body is much less important than the state of my soul. Still, I cannot intellectually justify this decision, knowing how much it will hurt her. Maybe my ability to take my own life, knowing how much pain it will cause, shows that I am a monster who doesn't deserve to live. All I know is that I can't deal with this pain any longer and I'm am truly sorry I couldn't wait until my family and everyone I knew died so this could be done without hurting anyone. For years I've wished that I'd be hit by a bus or die while saving a baby from drowning so my death might be more acceptable, but I was never so lucky.
—-
To those of you who have shown me love, thank you for putting up with all my shittiness and moodiness and arbitrariness. I was never the person I wanted to be. Maybe without the darkness I would have been a better person, maybe not. I did try to be a good person, but I realize I never got very far.
I'm sorry for the pain this causes. I really do wish I had another option. I hope this letter explains why I needed to do this. If you can't understand this decision, I hope you can at least forgive me.
Bill Zeller
—-
Please save this letter and repost it if gets deleted. I don't want people to wonder why I did this. I disseminated it more widely than I might have otherwise because I'm worried that my family might try to restrict access to it. I don't mind if this letter is made public. In fact, I'd prefer it be made public to people being unable to read it and drawing their own conclusions.
Feel free to republish this letter, but only if it is reproduced in its entirety.
Friday, January 07, 2011
Tuesday, January 04, 2011
Tech Speak: What I Want To See In The Tech Scene In 2011
2010 was not a very exciting year for technology. We had the new iPhone 4, 3D technology, tablets coming up, but that's about it. I wouldn't even say the iPad was a good innovation because tablets existed long ago. Apple just knew how to market it. There were many things which were supposed to be hyped up but were not as impressive in the end. Things like Microsoft Kin phones, Google TV, more tablets (which ultimately were delayed till this year), Nvidia GT400 series, Google Chrome OS (which is delayed as well), were kinda failures, or didn't come as soon as I'd like. Here's a list of what I really anticipate or will like to see in 2011.
1) Mainstream ULV processors in laptops (Nvidia Ion 2 also can). It's hard to spot a laptop with Core i5 460UM these days. Now that the new architecture Sandy Bridge is up, I hope more manufacturers embrace the idea of relatively powerful mobile chips which has low power consumption.
2) Nintendo 3DS. Portable 3D goodness. Now that's something. However given Nintendo's track record of lower than desired graphics capabilities, it'll be a shame if it turn out to be some half baked product.
3) Android 2.3 Honeycomb. There's much hype about Honeycomb which is Google's answer to iPad. Right now, tablets like Samsung Galaxy Tab and ViewPad uses Android version 2.2 which is not exactly ideal as a tablet operating system. I'll never understand why Apple and other companies jumped to the tablet market without having a ready technology. I've seen what Honeycomb can do and hopefully it'll make tablets much more appealing. I look forward to MSI's Wind Tablet.
4) Chrome OS. Open source and free. It'll be cool for a laptop to be optimised for on-the-go usage. Chrome OS is basically a browser based operating system that emphasize on connectivity. There's a problem of what happens when there's no 3G or wifi and I have yet to see how Google is managing this problem. There's also rumours saying that Chrome OS will eventually be absorbed and integrated into Android. I doubt that will happen this year but it's still exciting to see how that can be developed.
5) Integration of Zune, Windows 7 Mobile and Windows 7. This is a biased want, as I own a Zune HD. But it's sad to see how disintegrated Zune is with Windows 7 and how even Zune and Windows 7 Mobile are so different. I mean, my Zune HD can't even play games meant for Windows 7 Mobile. That seems kind of ridiculous. And the Zune software crashes on my laptop lately. Really sad.
6) Wireless 802.11az standards. New wireless standards are underway and I hope to see them soon. These wireless standards are said to be better than wireless N and there are different versions. I remember reading about a wireless AB and a wireless Z or something. There was one which is supposed to be adhoc based (meaning a network between a device and another device). If this comes along, then the days of iPhone hating Android and thus cannot connect using bluetooth will be over. That said I look forward to Bluetooth 4.0 too (whatever happened to bluetooth 3.0? i dunnoe).
7) Better Li-Ion batteries. Dual core mobile chips are coming up. Intel processors are getting faster every year. It's a real pity that battery technology isn't catching fast enough. Battery life is often sacrificed for the sake of faster speeds.
8) Mozilla Seabird. Check it out here. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oG3tLxEQEdg Nuff said. I will jump ship to Mozilla immediately.
9) Better energy saving screens/dual screens. Who prefers to read an e-book on their LCD/LED screen over a Kindle's E-ink screen? Better widespread usage of LED screens would be better too, if they ever can be utilised in capacitive screens. It'll be great if regular lightbulbs use LED technology as well. Actually they already do, but they are quite expensive.
How many of these will actually happen?
What will/should be happening (if there are no hiccups)
1) Mainstream ULV processors in laptops (Nvidia Ion 2 also can). It's hard to spot a laptop with Core i5 460UM these days. Now that the new architecture Sandy Bridge is up, I hope more manufacturers embrace the idea of relatively powerful mobile chips which has low power consumption.
2) Nintendo 3DS. Portable 3D goodness. Now that's something. However given Nintendo's track record of lower than desired graphics capabilities, it'll be a shame if it turn out to be some half baked product.
3) Android 2.3 Honeycomb. There's much hype about Honeycomb which is Google's answer to iPad. Right now, tablets like Samsung Galaxy Tab and ViewPad uses Android version 2.2 which is not exactly ideal as a tablet operating system. I'll never understand why Apple and other companies jumped to the tablet market without having a ready technology. I've seen what Honeycomb can do and hopefully it'll make tablets much more appealing. I look forward to MSI's Wind Tablet.
4) Chrome OS. Open source and free. It'll be cool for a laptop to be optimised for on-the-go usage. Chrome OS is basically a browser based operating system that emphasize on connectivity. There's a problem of what happens when there's no 3G or wifi and I have yet to see how Google is managing this problem. There's also rumours saying that Chrome OS will eventually be absorbed and integrated into Android. I doubt that will happen this year but it's still exciting to see how that can be developed.
5) Integration of Zune, Windows 7 Mobile and Windows 7. This is a biased want, as I own a Zune HD. But it's sad to see how disintegrated Zune is with Windows 7 and how even Zune and Windows 7 Mobile are so different. I mean, my Zune HD can't even play games meant for Windows 7 Mobile. That seems kind of ridiculous. And the Zune software crashes on my laptop lately. Really sad.
6) Wireless 802.11az standards. New wireless standards are underway and I hope to see them soon. These wireless standards are said to be better than wireless N and there are different versions. I remember reading about a wireless AB and a wireless Z or something. There was one which is supposed to be adhoc based (meaning a network between a device and another device). If this comes along, then the days of iPhone hating Android and thus cannot connect using bluetooth will be over. That said I look forward to Bluetooth 4.0 too (whatever happened to bluetooth 3.0? i dunnoe).
New technology I want to see happening
7) Better Li-Ion batteries. Dual core mobile chips are coming up. Intel processors are getting faster every year. It's a real pity that battery technology isn't catching fast enough. Battery life is often sacrificed for the sake of faster speeds.
8) Mozilla Seabird. Check it out here. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oG3tLxEQEdg Nuff said. I will jump ship to Mozilla immediately.
9) Better energy saving screens/dual screens. Who prefers to read an e-book on their LCD/LED screen over a Kindle's E-ink screen? Better widespread usage of LED screens would be better too, if they ever can be utilised in capacitive screens. It'll be great if regular lightbulbs use LED technology as well. Actually they already do, but they are quite expensive.
How many of these will actually happen?
Sunday, January 02, 2011
Ramblings: Obnoxious People Stay Obnoxious
ORD should be a time of maturity. When obnoxious people leave the army, they should realise that the world has never been about them. Whether they had temporary power which disillusioned them or they were plain narcissistic, they should have noticed that nobody cared about them when they went back into the society.
I thought this should be the case. One year has passed and I was wrong. When I faced them once again days ago, I realised that they had learnt nothing. If army had taught me anything at all, it was that there are so many different types of people out there, you can never be the lowest. Elitist? No. Sadly, the annoying ones are mostly those who had environmental advantages. I feel sad for them sometimes, all of them.
Grow up people. You aren't the world. Your time is over.
I thought this should be the case. One year has passed and I was wrong. When I faced them once again days ago, I realised that they had learnt nothing. If army had taught me anything at all, it was that there are so many different types of people out there, you can never be the lowest. Elitist? No. Sadly, the annoying ones are mostly those who had environmental advantages. I feel sad for them sometimes, all of them.
Grow up people. You aren't the world. Your time is over.
Saturday, January 01, 2011
Event: A Year Lived, Another To Come
2010 is the first year which I spent as a civilian in a long time. Army has finally ended. I can no longer have any excuses like "oh my year sucked badly cause I was in the army". No, for the first time, I could decide what I want to do with my life, especially with the long holidays before I entered university. For now, perhaps I should just look back at the resolutions I made last year.
1) Get a good paying job and really start saving up for university
2) Have a good start to university life, cast off my loner self and make lots of friends in university
3) Remember everyone’s birthday, for once, cause this coming year, most of my friends are turning 21
4) Work out consistently and get IPPT silver by end of March
5) Complete Sundown Marathon 2010 and StanChart Singapore Marathon 2010 with a timing of less than 5 hours
6) Restart my skills allocation program, to learn either cooking, instruments, wushu, Japanese, roller blading, computing, photoshop etc.
7) Start a Chinese blog, food blog and maintain them
8 ) Drink way less Starbucks
Looking at my resolutions in general, I haven't fulfilled half of them. For number 1, well I did get a decent paying home aka tuitioning but I didn't manage to save much. So oh well. For number 2, I think I did a pretty good job in making lots of friends in university. Superficial as a lot of them are, I do think that it wasn't as bad as I thought it'll be. The university experience was quite enriching due to the shit activities I got myself into. I don't know if its a good thing that people whom I don't know are adding me on FaceBook, or that people actually talks bad about me behind my back, but from a top down view, everything seems pretty fine for now.
For number 3, I think I bothered to wish most people happy birthday this year. Though I did I got fairly jaded towards the end of the year. I think I'll be happy to go back to my old self where I don't give too much of a care to birthdays including my own. That said, I'm still quite scared that time is passing so fast and before I know it, I'm turning 22 already. For number 4, I didn't even go for IPPT once. I'm going to be so dead. The deadline is in 3 month's time. Better act on it soon.
For number 5, I didn't get a good timing at all. I was injured for Sundown and I had exams before Stanchart Marathon. In general, the lack of training and the overwhelming activities during the period made me run really slowly. I am not joining Sundown anymore, after seeing the extremely lousy quality there. Can't imagine why Adidas sponsored them for 3 years but I hope they stop this coming year. For number 6, I did gear into gaining more skills. But I guess my attempts were futile and half baked at best. I joined cross country and Wushu but I ended up quiting within a couple of weeks. I really need to warm up to university life and start getting more disciplined.
For number 7, I didn't start a Chinese blog in the end. However I do have my own website/blog now, after joining up with a friend to get a domain. The food blog is kind of integrated into my blog now. I haven't been blogging for some time because I was really overwhelmed with work. Hopefully I can crank up my engine again and get more viewership this coming year. For number 8, I am proud to say that I drink a lot less Starbucks now. It's great to know that not all my money is going into expensive stuff like Starbucks coffee or Body Shop stuff which I haven't bought for half a year now.
Many many things happened in 2010.
I went to Taiwan with my closest friends and it was the best! I miss the trip so very badly. We had tons of fun despite me falling quite sick on the last 2 days and it was really warm heartening when Edwin and Ching Yee came back with porridge for me~ I will never forget the chilly winds, wearing shorts with Yinning, the amazing Hua Lien with all the cheap food, cong you bing, cool stone house, all the crappy jokes, the great nature, shopping in a maze, looking for money in the rain in Jiu Fen, seeing how Leonard irks at Chou Toufu etc.
I worked at a couple of banks before giving tuition full time. I missed going out in the mornings and early afternoons to slack with Danny and Jason because we are all full time tutors. I miss just lazing it out on the weekdays, though I have it quite rough on the weekends.
I made the decision to switch over to NUS from NTU. Frankly till now I have no idea whether it was the right choice or not. Since I did fairly badly in NUS as the bell curve sort of worked against me. I wonder if it will be better in NTU. Distance aside, that is.
I celebrated my birthday for the first time in my life. It was fairly okay, could have been better. But then again, this is probably the first and only celebration for the rest of my life already.
I went for my first social camp in years and reignited my "having fun and getting high" attitude. Though I daresay it is kind of failing me again.
This was a pretty sad year cause many of my good friends went overseas for a full year. Another one is leaving soon. Then I'd only be left with 2 blokes who are both attached. So I'm going to be so alone.
I took up quite a few CCAs and I have quite an enriching university life. Many of my close friends call me a "siao on freshie". Truthfully I don't feel so much like a freshie anymore. I am glad that I no longer have the "let's just forget it" attitude, though I don't know how long it'll last. I am surprised to see how much the university has to offer and I am exploring as much as possible.
I got an Android phone at long last. My G2 rocks!
I did pretty badly for my exams. I guess I really need to pull up my socks. I thought I could get back the discipline which I had in JC. But I was wrong. When the time came, I couldn't. Something is really distracting me too much and I really regretted getting too involved in my CCA. I overestimated myself and I guess next time I will have to weigh my options much more sensibly.
For 2011, things are going to get rough again with all my commitments. I'd have pretty much a life that's way concentrated on my university. I just hope that I'd last until at least the exams before I need a long break again.
1) Study harder. I need to regain back the discipline which I have in JC.
2) Regain back my leadership capabilities and style. I haven't gotten back fully into momentum. After seeing how the other leaders lead their people with their own characteristics, I need to go back into my swing as well. More charisma which I am lacking will be a nice touch as well.
3) Less procrastination. There were things which I was supposed to do in 2010 which I still have not done. Sorry just won't cut it and I need to learn to shake off the lazy feeling.
4) Think of what I'd regret. I managed to make 2010 a better one than I'd expected. But there were a few decisions which were still not promptly and sensibly made. My term of office will end sooner than I think and I will really have to consider carefully what I have, what I lack, what I want and what I need before deciding where to head to next. I also think that I am lacking quite a bit of life now. This is a good time to think about what I really want in life. Do I just want a nicer resume? Do I really need to take up all these commitments? Where will they get me and it is that necessary?
5) Stay fit. After talking to many seniors, they seem to be able to handle studying and keeping fit at the same time. Somehow I just feel exhausted all the time. I guess this has to do with learning to adapt to my new university life and to stop procrastinating.
6) Spend less money on useless things. I think my personality as a spendthrift has declined a lot, but it's still not enough. I can do better and really need to keep track of my spending I suppose.
7) Treasure my time with my loved ones. Spend more time with them.
8 ) Learn to be more punctual. I think I am generally quite punctual for meetings but this month I was late for almost every single one of them. Time to manage my timing properly.
9) Rest more. Sleep when I'm supposed to sleep.
That's all for now I guess. I hope 2011 is a year which I learn more, think more and do more.
My resolutions for 2010:
1) Get a good paying job and really start saving up for university
2) Have a good start to university life, cast off my loner self and make lots of friends in university
3) Remember everyone’s birthday, for once, cause this coming year, most of my friends are turning 21
4) Work out consistently and get IPPT silver by end of March
5) Complete Sundown Marathon 2010 and StanChart Singapore Marathon 2010 with a timing of less than 5 hours
6) Restart my skills allocation program, to learn either cooking, instruments, wushu, Japanese, roller blading, computing, photoshop etc.
7) Start a Chinese blog, food blog and maintain them
8 ) Drink way less Starbucks
Looking at my resolutions in general, I haven't fulfilled half of them. For number 1, well I did get a decent paying home aka tuitioning but I didn't manage to save much. So oh well. For number 2, I think I did a pretty good job in making lots of friends in university. Superficial as a lot of them are, I do think that it wasn't as bad as I thought it'll be. The university experience was quite enriching due to the shit activities I got myself into. I don't know if its a good thing that people whom I don't know are adding me on FaceBook, or that people actually talks bad about me behind my back, but from a top down view, everything seems pretty fine for now.
For number 3, I think I bothered to wish most people happy birthday this year. Though I did I got fairly jaded towards the end of the year. I think I'll be happy to go back to my old self where I don't give too much of a care to birthdays including my own. That said, I'm still quite scared that time is passing so fast and before I know it, I'm turning 22 already. For number 4, I didn't even go for IPPT once. I'm going to be so dead. The deadline is in 3 month's time. Better act on it soon.
For number 5, I didn't get a good timing at all. I was injured for Sundown and I had exams before Stanchart Marathon. In general, the lack of training and the overwhelming activities during the period made me run really slowly. I am not joining Sundown anymore, after seeing the extremely lousy quality there. Can't imagine why Adidas sponsored them for 3 years but I hope they stop this coming year. For number 6, I did gear into gaining more skills. But I guess my attempts were futile and half baked at best. I joined cross country and Wushu but I ended up quiting within a couple of weeks. I really need to warm up to university life and start getting more disciplined.
For number 7, I didn't start a Chinese blog in the end. However I do have my own website/blog now, after joining up with a friend to get a domain. The food blog is kind of integrated into my blog now. I haven't been blogging for some time because I was really overwhelmed with work. Hopefully I can crank up my engine again and get more viewership this coming year. For number 8, I am proud to say that I drink a lot less Starbucks now. It's great to know that not all my money is going into expensive stuff like Starbucks coffee or Body Shop stuff which I haven't bought for half a year now.
Many many things happened in 2010.
I went to Taiwan with my closest friends and it was the best! I miss the trip so very badly. We had tons of fun despite me falling quite sick on the last 2 days and it was really warm heartening when Edwin and Ching Yee came back with porridge for me~ I will never forget the chilly winds, wearing shorts with Yinning, the amazing Hua Lien with all the cheap food, cong you bing, cool stone house, all the crappy jokes, the great nature, shopping in a maze, looking for money in the rain in Jiu Fen, seeing how Leonard irks at Chou Toufu etc.
I worked at a couple of banks before giving tuition full time. I missed going out in the mornings and early afternoons to slack with Danny and Jason because we are all full time tutors. I miss just lazing it out on the weekdays, though I have it quite rough on the weekends.
I made the decision to switch over to NUS from NTU. Frankly till now I have no idea whether it was the right choice or not. Since I did fairly badly in NUS as the bell curve sort of worked against me. I wonder if it will be better in NTU. Distance aside, that is.
I celebrated my birthday for the first time in my life. It was fairly okay, could have been better. But then again, this is probably the first and only celebration for the rest of my life already.
I went for my first social camp in years and reignited my "having fun and getting high" attitude. Though I daresay it is kind of failing me again.
This was a pretty sad year cause many of my good friends went overseas for a full year. Another one is leaving soon. Then I'd only be left with 2 blokes who are both attached. So I'm going to be so alone.
I took up quite a few CCAs and I have quite an enriching university life. Many of my close friends call me a "siao on freshie". Truthfully I don't feel so much like a freshie anymore. I am glad that I no longer have the "let's just forget it" attitude, though I don't know how long it'll last. I am surprised to see how much the university has to offer and I am exploring as much as possible.
I got an Android phone at long last. My G2 rocks!
I did pretty badly for my exams. I guess I really need to pull up my socks. I thought I could get back the discipline which I had in JC. But I was wrong. When the time came, I couldn't. Something is really distracting me too much and I really regretted getting too involved in my CCA. I overestimated myself and I guess next time I will have to weigh my options much more sensibly.
For 2011, things are going to get rough again with all my commitments. I'd have pretty much a life that's way concentrated on my university. I just hope that I'd last until at least the exams before I need a long break again.
My resolution for 2011:
1) Study harder. I need to regain back the discipline which I have in JC.
2) Regain back my leadership capabilities and style. I haven't gotten back fully into momentum. After seeing how the other leaders lead their people with their own characteristics, I need to go back into my swing as well. More charisma which I am lacking will be a nice touch as well.
3) Less procrastination. There were things which I was supposed to do in 2010 which I still have not done. Sorry just won't cut it and I need to learn to shake off the lazy feeling.
4) Think of what I'd regret. I managed to make 2010 a better one than I'd expected. But there were a few decisions which were still not promptly and sensibly made. My term of office will end sooner than I think and I will really have to consider carefully what I have, what I lack, what I want and what I need before deciding where to head to next. I also think that I am lacking quite a bit of life now. This is a good time to think about what I really want in life. Do I just want a nicer resume? Do I really need to take up all these commitments? Where will they get me and it is that necessary?
5) Stay fit. After talking to many seniors, they seem to be able to handle studying and keeping fit at the same time. Somehow I just feel exhausted all the time. I guess this has to do with learning to adapt to my new university life and to stop procrastinating.
6) Spend less money on useless things. I think my personality as a spendthrift has declined a lot, but it's still not enough. I can do better and really need to keep track of my spending I suppose.
7) Treasure my time with my loved ones. Spend more time with them.
8 ) Learn to be more punctual. I think I am generally quite punctual for meetings but this month I was late for almost every single one of them. Time to manage my timing properly.
9) Rest more. Sleep when I'm supposed to sleep.
That's all for now I guess. I hope 2011 is a year which I learn more, think more and do more.
Happy new year!
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Worthy Quotes: Non-Exhaust-able Leader
A leader cannot fall.
A leader cannot say he's tired.
A leader cannot tilt his head downwards.
A leader cannot grumble.
A leader has to look far.
For he has a community looking up at him, listening to him, and then looking in the direction he's looking at.
So I have to look far. And press on. Fail not. Continue.
A leader cannot say he's tired.
A leader cannot tilt his head downwards.
A leader cannot grumble.
A leader has to look far.
For he has a community looking up at him, listening to him, and then looking in the direction he's looking at.
So I have to look far. And press on. Fail not. Continue.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Friday, November 19, 2010
Brain Storm: Respect
You can earn three folds of respect from me.
The first form of respect is respect for the human being. I respect everyone who looks like a human being and act like a human being as a living thing (that said, if you do not look like a human being, by that I mean fashion sense and not anything else). This is the most basic form of respect. Thus everyone I meet will start with at least the first form of respect from me. That is unless you show up in some green long pants and oversized purple shirt with slippers, which kind of makes you look more like an alien than human being, or, if you decide to spit on the ground the first second I see you, which makes you a scum of the society.
The second form of respect is respect for the older age. This means that as long as you are older than me, I will respect you because you have been in this world for a longer time. This also means I am assuming that you have more experience or knowledge than me in some sort of area, academic wise or street wise. Thus if you were lucky enough to be older than me, then you will automatically earn the second form of respect from me. That is unless you prove to me within the first 1 hour of interacting with you that you have completely no form of higher knowledge or sensibility than me. Not that you can't stop me from giving you respect after the first hour of interacting with you though.
The third form of respect is respect for the capable. This means that you can get things done in an awesome manner, or you are smart and utilises this smartness in a good way, or most of all, the fact that you live has made the environment a better place or made lives better for someone else, and that will earn you my respect. This is the highest form of respect. I guess I don't have to elaborate about the third form of respect. You earn it or you don't.
I hope I don't come across as an elitist. However, everyone has their own way of judging people and this has always been the way I place value on people. I mean, one usually does not make an effort to interact with someone who appears to be a complete douche bag to you right?
Let's face it, all humans experience peer influence. I hate to judge someone whom I already knew for some time just because a mutual friend had lousy comments about him. However, lately I find that I am often force to narrow my definitions of my forms of respect. If a person who is completely oblivious of his lack of capabilities and not realised that his actions show little of his maturity, I cannot be a charity and show him any of my second and third form of respect.
Fear not though, for I am more tolerant with my definitions of my first form of respect. As long as you don't become a scum of society, or the community, I may yet move to the side to let you pass when you need to walk past me. Still, patience is not a virtue I hold when I give out respect. So don't test it.
The first form of respect is respect for the human being. I respect everyone who looks like a human being and act like a human being as a living thing (that said, if you do not look like a human being, by that I mean fashion sense and not anything else). This is the most basic form of respect. Thus everyone I meet will start with at least the first form of respect from me. That is unless you show up in some green long pants and oversized purple shirt with slippers, which kind of makes you look more like an alien than human being, or, if you decide to spit on the ground the first second I see you, which makes you a scum of the society.
The second form of respect is respect for the older age. This means that as long as you are older than me, I will respect you because you have been in this world for a longer time. This also means I am assuming that you have more experience or knowledge than me in some sort of area, academic wise or street wise. Thus if you were lucky enough to be older than me, then you will automatically earn the second form of respect from me. That is unless you prove to me within the first 1 hour of interacting with you that you have completely no form of higher knowledge or sensibility than me. Not that you can't stop me from giving you respect after the first hour of interacting with you though.
The third form of respect is respect for the capable. This means that you can get things done in an awesome manner, or you are smart and utilises this smartness in a good way, or most of all, the fact that you live has made the environment a better place or made lives better for someone else, and that will earn you my respect. This is the highest form of respect. I guess I don't have to elaborate about the third form of respect. You earn it or you don't.
I hope I don't come across as an elitist. However, everyone has their own way of judging people and this has always been the way I place value on people. I mean, one usually does not make an effort to interact with someone who appears to be a complete douche bag to you right?
Let's face it, all humans experience peer influence. I hate to judge someone whom I already knew for some time just because a mutual friend had lousy comments about him. However, lately I find that I am often force to narrow my definitions of my forms of respect. If a person who is completely oblivious of his lack of capabilities and not realised that his actions show little of his maturity, I cannot be a charity and show him any of my second and third form of respect.
Fear not though, for I am more tolerant with my definitions of my first form of respect. As long as you don't become a scum of society, or the community, I may yet move to the side to let you pass when you need to walk past me. Still, patience is not a virtue I hold when I give out respect. So don't test it.
You earn it, but you can also lose it.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Youtube: Java 4-ever Trailer
Open source V.S. Windows
The battle of developing platform wars. I support HTML5 and Java by the way. And this is freaking hilarious. How I wish this is a real movie.
The battle of developing platform wars. I support HTML5 and Java by the way. And this is freaking hilarious. How I wish this is a real movie.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Ramblings: Slashings and Murders
http://www.straitstimes.com/BreakingNews/Singapore/Story/STIStory_601402.html
http://www.straitstimes.com/BreakingNews/Singapore/Story/STIStory_599114.html
Following the attack on a full time national serviceman by a group of five men (I think), there appears to be an increased in gang activities all over the country. I believe there were more before this latest slashing incident at Bukit Panjang.
The police really needs to step up on this. Isn't Singapore one of the strictest country in the world where law is imposed on everyone like an iron fist? Why are there people dying and why did the gangs become so rampant?
Many condolences to the poor chap who passed away after being attacked at Downtown East. He was a perfectly fine young man, with a bright future and plenty of life ahead. He was only 18, and he died just on a whim of 4 unruly scums of the society.
What is the world coming?
http://www.straitstimes.com/BreakingNews/Singapore/Story/STIStory_599114.html
Following the attack on a full time national serviceman by a group of five men (I think), there appears to be an increased in gang activities all over the country. I believe there were more before this latest slashing incident at Bukit Panjang.
The police really needs to step up on this. Isn't Singapore one of the strictest country in the world where law is imposed on everyone like an iron fist? Why are there people dying and why did the gangs become so rampant?
Many condolences to the poor chap who passed away after being attacked at Downtown East. He was a perfectly fine young man, with a bright future and plenty of life ahead. He was only 18, and he died just on a whim of 4 unruly scums of the society.
What is the world coming?
Tuesday, November 09, 2010
The Facebook Series #2: Download Your Facebook Content
From now on, you can download your Facebook content such as photos which you uploaded, wall notes etc. You can request for the zip file from Facebook by going to Account on the top right hand corner and click on Account Settings from the drop down box. They will send the link to you once it's done collating your information. Things such as photos of you which other people uploaded will not be inside. To learn how to retrieve all the missing data, look at this article from Lifehacker http://lifehacker.com/5672279/download-the-missing-pieces-of-data-from-facebookIt's a good idea to download all your data from time to time, just in case your Facebook account gets hacked or you feel like deactivating or deleting your account for some reason.
Sunday, November 07, 2010
Saturday, November 06, 2010
Friday, November 05, 2010
Brain Storm: When Life Gives You Lemon
Everyone in the world faces hardship, love problems, studies difficulties, friendship issues, yada yada. There's just so many problems which we encounter all the time. People deal with problems differently. Some people face it head on, some people face it silently, some people hide from it, some people simply walk away. A lot of us have qualms about approaches which we don't use.
A lot of people don't realise that when life gives you lemon, you don't always have to make lemonade. Sometimes it's ok to refuse. Sometimes when life is so harsh and throws the lemon at you, you can try to dodge, or even grab it and throw it back. Even if you got hit, the sour taste will go away in a while.
No, there's no one way to deal with problems. You don't always have to keep silent, you don't always have to make it better. At times, you can look at the problem in the face and point your middle finger and say "no, this is unacceptable." Why not?
Life isn't easy, don't make it any harder yourself.
A lot of people don't realise that when life gives you lemon, you don't always have to make lemonade. Sometimes it's ok to refuse. Sometimes when life is so harsh and throws the lemon at you, you can try to dodge, or even grab it and throw it back. Even if you got hit, the sour taste will go away in a while.
No, there's no one way to deal with problems. You don't always have to keep silent, you don't always have to make it better. At times, you can look at the problem in the face and point your middle finger and say "no, this is unacceptable." Why not?
Life isn't easy, don't make it any harder yourself.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
The Facebook Series #1 - Organising Your Friends Lists
The Facebook Series is targeted at people who loves using Facebook but has no clue about the deeper details of Facebook. Facebook has become an integral part of our lives. It is important that we know what it can do for us and what it does behind our backs. Knowing Facebook well increases your efficiency of connecting with people and teaches you to guard your privacy. The Facebook Series will be touching on organising your Facebook account, privacy issues and controls and some easter eggs on Facebook. I'll add more stuff if I come across issues that are worth talking about.
The Facebook Series #1 is a simple introduction on organising your Friends. Actually, most people know about this feature. Majority are just too lazy to do up their Friends List. Having an organised Friends List can help you a lot. A well sorted out list can reduce the work you have to do when you send messages or when you set privacy settings. These will be shown below.
Click on Account on the top right hand corner and click on Edit Friends to go into your Friends List.
On the top right hand of the page, click on the Create A List button and you'll see this box pop out. Type in the name of your list where it says "Enter a name" and click to select which friends you want to include into a list. A Friend can be included in more than one list.
On the main Friends List page, you can also add people into lists by clicking on the Edit Lists button.
You can see which friends are included in a certain list by clicking on the Lists shown on the left side bar. Notice how I have a list of friends called "Ignored On Street List". Let's face it, not all your Facebook Friends are your friends. Some of your Friends are not really a friend, yet, at least. There are certain things you just wouldn't want the whole world to know. Thus it is important to have a list of people whom you feel that you aren't comfortable with letting them into your personal world.
What happens when you want to share a message or a photo which you don't want certain people to know? Before you Share anything, click on the lock button, choose Custom.
In the above option, type the person whom you don't want to see your stuff into the "Hide this from these people". Here's the convenient part if you had created your list properly. Instead of typing the long list of all your colleagues into the box when you want to share a message badmouthing a fellow colleague, you can just create a list and type in the name of the list into the box. You can choose who you want to "Make this visible to" too. Either way works.
IMPORTANT: The "Hide this from" takes priority over "Make this visible to". This means that if person X is both in your List in "Make Visible to" and in "Hide this from", X will NOT be able to see the stuff that you shared. This is good news.
NOTE: You should NEVER include your network unless you love letting the whole world know about what you think. More on this in the next Facebook Series.
Another way that Lists can help you is when you want to send out messages to a group of Friends. Let's say you are organising a gathering with your secondary school CCA friends, instead of typing everyone's names, you can just type in the name of the List into the "To" box when you send a message. The disadvantage is if there is someone whom you do not want to message, you cannot remove just that one person from the list when you send the message.
Organising your Friends Lists is troublesome especially if you have a gazillion Friends. However, take it from me that once you sit down and settle everything properly, maintaining your lists will become easy. Each time you add a new friend, you will be asked which Lists you want to put him in. Well organised Friends Lists will go a long way.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Ramblings: The Haze, My Productivity
Do you feel unproductive this week? Do you feel unhealthy?
Somehow, many NUS students feel this way this week. Some of my friends and I were just rambling about how this week was really sucky. Some of us didn't have any mood to study at all.
[caption id="attachment_439" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="NUS Engin Faculty, Block E1"]
[/caption]
Now, when this happens, we must blame of something. It's human nature, ain't it? And I blame it on the haze.
I can't even remember when was the last time the haze struck Singapore so badly. According to Straits Times, the PSI hasn't crossed 100 since 2006.
http://www.straitstimes.com/BreakingNews/Singapore/Story/STIStory_593980.html
While I am glad that the government is urging Indonesia to do something about it, I feel that more can be done. And Indonesia should really think about how much effort they're putting in currently and think less about asking Singapore for help. Let's face it, its the Indonesians' fault, especially for cases of farmers burning out fields.
While putting all the blame on the haze for our deteriorating concentration to study is a little too much, I do hope that the haze will clear soon at least for the sake of our health.
Or stop school. Hooray!
Somehow, many NUS students feel this way this week. Some of my friends and I were just rambling about how this week was really sucky. Some of us didn't have any mood to study at all.
[caption id="attachment_439" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="NUS Engin Faculty, Block E1"]
[/caption]Now, when this happens, we must blame of something. It's human nature, ain't it? And I blame it on the haze.
I can't even remember when was the last time the haze struck Singapore so badly. According to Straits Times, the PSI hasn't crossed 100 since 2006.
http://www.straitstimes.com/BreakingNews/Singapore/Story/STIStory_593980.html
While I am glad that the government is urging Indonesia to do something about it, I feel that more can be done. And Indonesia should really think about how much effort they're putting in currently and think less about asking Singapore for help. Let's face it, its the Indonesians' fault, especially for cases of farmers burning out fields.
While putting all the blame on the haze for our deteriorating concentration to study is a little too much, I do hope that the haze will clear soon at least for the sake of our health.
Or stop school. Hooray!
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Tech Speak: Switch Off Your Computer
http://lifehacker.com/5667662/do-you-keep-your-work-computer-on-after-you-leave
http://vimeo.com/15866184
I cannot understand why people always leave their computer on at the end of the day after work. Be it in school or at work, this is a common sight.
According to this article, in Germany alone, 14million PCs (44%) are left powered over the weekend. Assuming they are energy efficient, they consume the power generated by 870 wind turbines in a year. We all know that many PCs are not energy efficient in this day and age yet. Furthermore, we're only talking about Germany. If you count all the other countries in the world, this will make up a significant amount of energy.
Switch off your computer.
http://vimeo.com/15866184
I cannot understand why people always leave their computer on at the end of the day after work. Be it in school or at work, this is a common sight.
According to this article, in Germany alone, 14million PCs (44%) are left powered over the weekend. Assuming they are energy efficient, they consume the power generated by 870 wind turbines in a year. We all know that many PCs are not energy efficient in this day and age yet. Furthermore, we're only talking about Germany. If you count all the other countries in the world, this will make up a significant amount of energy.
Switch off your computer.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Brain Storm: It's Okay To Have A Personality
We were at our friend's 21st birthday. She had some activities planned out and one of them was to ask us a few questions about herself and test how much we know about her. As the emcee was asking, this seems like quite a thick skin thing to do, but yet I do not think she's thick skin at all. It's just so natural. On the other hand, I imagine being flamed and rotten eggs thrown at me if I had done this when I had my 21st birthday celebration.
I used to think that there are certain personality types which are plain annoying and I should just avoid them completely. But I guess I can't really avoid them for the rest of my life. Now, I try to open up a little more and be more accepting. I mean, I know I still judge people rather harshly these days, but I'm trying already. I suppose its okay to have a personality. That's what makes the world more colourful, ain't it?
I used to think that there are certain personality types which are plain annoying and I should just avoid them completely. But I guess I can't really avoid them for the rest of my life. Now, I try to open up a little more and be more accepting. I mean, I know I still judge people rather harshly these days, but I'm trying already. I suppose its okay to have a personality. That's what makes the world more colourful, ain't it?
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
News: Bad Apples - But Some Will Still Bite Them
Straits Times Digital Life 22nd September 2010
- Oo Gin Lee
There is something about some Apple fans that I find really hard to understand.
Usually, when a gadget is less than perfect, consumers will scream, shout and swear they will never ever touch another product made by the same company ever again.
Not so with Apple fans.
Take the iPad, which has sold millions and has many fans swooning over its clean design and high-resolution screen which displays vivid images. Of this, I am in total agreement with my iPad-loving friends. But what about the fact that the 3G version of the iPad is "gimped", which means that your 3G speed is throttled by the the device? You can view YouTube clips in high resolution on the iPad through its Wi-Fi connection but have to put up with really awful low resolution versions via 3G.
Additionally, iPad owners cannot download apps larger than 20MB when they are on 3G. There is no such restriction over Wi-Fi.
If you ask me, it makes no sense to buy the 3G version at all. And at least two of my friends realised this too late. But it turns out that there is a workaround. Just buy one of the credit card-sized mini 3G routers, commonly known as a Mi-Fi device and create a portable Wi-Fi hotspot for the iPad to tap on. Devices like the iPad and netbooks cnoonect to the Mi-Fi device over Wi-Fi. The Mi-Fi device in turn connects these devices to the Internet via the dta link from the 3G SIM card inside.
When you use an iPad with a Mi-Fi, the iPad sees the connection as a Wi-Fi connection, not 3G and therefore lets you watch YoutTube videos in HD glory.
But when I asked my friend how she felt about her gimped 3G iPad, there was no sign of anger. She just whipped out her Mi-Fi device and proclaimed: "It's OK, I use this!"
Then there is the iPhone 4 "Antennagate" problem, which happens when you hold the iPhone at a certain angle. Your signal strength will do down a notch or two and sometimes you end up dropping your call entirely.
There is no problem, as some iPhone fans have told me. Just buy a case, problem solved.
Such forgiving reactions go against the rational and practical minds of Singaporean consumers which I have grown accustomed to.
I put it down to Apple's incredibly polished marketing savvy.
The the taxi-driving uncle whose cab I was in a fortnight ago. I was chatting over the phone to another friend in the cab about the pros and cons of the Sony Ericsson X10 phone. When I ended my call, the taxi uncle turned around and told me, apparently with years of experience as a user, that Sony Ericsson phones are lousy and would break down after three years.
I did not want to question his authority seeing that he was all fortified in his belief but I could not resist asking him - when I noticed that he was still using his "lousy" Sony Ericsson - this question: "So what phone are you changing to, Uncle?"
His answer: "iPhone lah."
"Why ah?" I asked again.
"It's the best lah," he asserted. Never mind he had not even owned one yet.
- Oo Gin Lee
There is something about some Apple fans that I find really hard to understand.
Usually, when a gadget is less than perfect, consumers will scream, shout and swear they will never ever touch another product made by the same company ever again.
Not so with Apple fans.
Take the iPad, which has sold millions and has many fans swooning over its clean design and high-resolution screen which displays vivid images. Of this, I am in total agreement with my iPad-loving friends. But what about the fact that the 3G version of the iPad is "gimped", which means that your 3G speed is throttled by the the device? You can view YouTube clips in high resolution on the iPad through its Wi-Fi connection but have to put up with really awful low resolution versions via 3G.
Additionally, iPad owners cannot download apps larger than 20MB when they are on 3G. There is no such restriction over Wi-Fi.
If you ask me, it makes no sense to buy the 3G version at all. And at least two of my friends realised this too late. But it turns out that there is a workaround. Just buy one of the credit card-sized mini 3G routers, commonly known as a Mi-Fi device and create a portable Wi-Fi hotspot for the iPad to tap on. Devices like the iPad and netbooks cnoonect to the Mi-Fi device over Wi-Fi. The Mi-Fi device in turn connects these devices to the Internet via the dta link from the 3G SIM card inside.
When you use an iPad with a Mi-Fi, the iPad sees the connection as a Wi-Fi connection, not 3G and therefore lets you watch YoutTube videos in HD glory.
But when I asked my friend how she felt about her gimped 3G iPad, there was no sign of anger. She just whipped out her Mi-Fi device and proclaimed: "It's OK, I use this!"
Then there is the iPhone 4 "Antennagate" problem, which happens when you hold the iPhone at a certain angle. Your signal strength will do down a notch or two and sometimes you end up dropping your call entirely.
There is no problem, as some iPhone fans have told me. Just buy a case, problem solved.
Such forgiving reactions go against the rational and practical minds of Singaporean consumers which I have grown accustomed to.
I put it down to Apple's incredibly polished marketing savvy.
The the taxi-driving uncle whose cab I was in a fortnight ago. I was chatting over the phone to another friend in the cab about the pros and cons of the Sony Ericsson X10 phone. When I ended my call, the taxi uncle turned around and told me, apparently with years of experience as a user, that Sony Ericsson phones are lousy and would break down after three years.
I did not want to question his authority seeing that he was all fortified in his belief but I could not resist asking him - when I noticed that he was still using his "lousy" Sony Ericsson - this question: "So what phone are you changing to, Uncle?"
His answer: "iPhone lah."
"Why ah?" I asked again.
"It's the best lah," he asserted. Never mind he had not even owned one yet.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Brain Storm: Weakness
My teacher said this to be before, "I bet you cannot stand working under somebody." I don't know how she saw through me, since she was never in charge of me in school. However, I have to admit that it is true. I came back for a school event as an alumnus this one time. She assigned me under someone to help him out "just for the fun of it". Well, I scooted after 5 mins. My juniors have said this of me before as well. "It is impossible to make him work under someone."
I have a little experience as a leader in school. However due to my angst-y personality, I have never liked to be ordered around, or even carry out instructions given nicely. I wondered how I barked like someone's dog when I was in sec 1 to be selected as a councillor. I must have been pretty desperate. Many years have passed. I think I have mellowed a little. Being a freshman in university, it is expected of me to be under people in projects. It's been at least 5 to 6 years since I took orders from someone willingly. I wonder how long will it take before I fluster and scoot again.
Sometimes some things just don't change.
I have a little experience as a leader in school. However due to my angst-y personality, I have never liked to be ordered around, or even carry out instructions given nicely. I wondered how I barked like someone's dog when I was in sec 1 to be selected as a councillor. I must have been pretty desperate. Many years have passed. I think I have mellowed a little. Being a freshman in university, it is expected of me to be under people in projects. It's been at least 5 to 6 years since I took orders from someone willingly. I wonder how long will it take before I fluster and scoot again.
Sometimes some things just don't change.
Monday, October 04, 2010
Ramblings: A Widow's Blog
I link hopped to this widow's blog. This sweet lady blogs about how she's living her days after her husband passed away with her 2 little girls. Her posts are really vivid and you can just feel the extent of her feelings. She talks about how she remembers her husband and how everything she does now relates to him. This is not a blog to read while playing sad music...
It makes you think, you know? Everyone and anyone whom you care may go anytime. Opportunities and accidents happened. We should realy cherish each and every moment.
http://letterstoelias.wordpress.com/
It's a really nice blog.
- a post which really touched me http://letterstoelias.wordpress.com/2010/09/29/filling-the-void/
It makes you think, you know? Everyone and anyone whom you care may go anytime. Opportunities and accidents happened. We should realy cherish each and every moment.
http://letterstoelias.wordpress.com/
It's a really nice blog.
- a post which really touched me http://letterstoelias.wordpress.com/2010/09/29/filling-the-void/
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Tech Speak: Google New
Google launches so many new products all the time. Many of them are free too. Even a Google freak like me has a hard time catching up. Thankfully Google has created a new product to introduce its new products! Wonderful.
http://www.google.com/newproducts/Google New
Do you know that Google has a social networking web called Orkut that nobody uses? Do you know Google has a product called Sketchup meant for architects to design buildings? Interesting?
http://www.google.com/newproducts/Google New
Do you know that Google has a social networking web called Orkut that nobody uses? Do you know Google has a product called Sketchup meant for architects to design buildings? Interesting?
Sunday, September 19, 2010
TechieEat: Crème Brûlée Macchiato
This is the new drink at Starbucks called the Crème Brûlée Macchiato.I tried it out at Vivo City Starbucks Level 1. Macchiato is a drink made from a shot of espresso and milk. Caramel Macchiato is a regular drink on Starbucks' menu and its a mix of bitter and sweet taste with caramel added. Just when I thought that was the perfect balance, they introduced this new drink. Crème Brûlée means burnt cream in French and Crème Brûlée Macchiato is Macchiato with Crème Brûlée syrup and dark caramel. The result is a Macchiato with rich espresso taste and a slight hint of sweetness. This is even better than the original version!
Crème Brûlée Macchiato on a Friday night, in my favourite Starbucks at Vivo City, alone, life's never better.
Crème Brûlée Macchiato - 4.5/5
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Oh Yeah It's Uni Life! - Need For Breather
I hereby appeal to all seniors who told me previously that "university life is easier compared to junior college" to step forward and let me give them a punch or two.It has been 6 weeks since university lessons started. It feels like I have been sitting on the bullet train. No, actually it feels like I have been running after the bullet train. It was insane, everything felt like a flash. Though the process was quite fun, making new friends, learning interesting concepts, but I would still say that I need a breather.
Recess week is finally here. It's like term break for the secondary schools and junior colleges. But heck, you think anyone'll get a breather? I think not. Mid term tests are coming soon. Far too soon.
Thursday, September 09, 2010
Oh Yeah It's Uni Life! - It's Okay To Be Busy
I have 3 CCAs and 6 modules in semester one right now. My friends all say the same things to me. "Are you crazy? Isn't that taking up a lot of your time? You can cope?"My answers are always the same. "No I am not crazy. Yes that is taking up a lot of my time but better lots of time taken up than none. I can barely cope but it just takes a ton of discipline."
I always squirm when I hear people say that they don't have any CCAs or they are reluctant to join this and that. University is full of life, full of activities. It is filled with lots of opportunities. However there is one downside. Compared to secondary school and junior college, we have to seek them out. These chances to learn, to have fun and to widen our social circle don't come to us, we have to find and go to them. If the university offers so much, why will you want to take up only so little? I understand the fact that people say its "very sian to try new things". Simply put, human beings have a great deal of reluctance to step out of their comfort zone. But I will say this to these people, take one small step at a time. You don't have to rush. Some people are concerned with their academic results. Concerning that, let me ask you, are you studying a lot nowadays? Really really really studying and focusing all your time on your academia just to keep up? The answer more often than not, is no. Most of the time, people choose to procrastinate, people choose to slack. There is no wrong in that. It's just that those activities can be put to better use. You can always make your CCAs become leisure activity, and just extend your real resting hours so that you can convince yourself to put away all that procrastination. Though I say this, people whose answer is yes to my previous question should perhaps relook at whether CCAs are viable activities or not.
Frankly many a times, we will be struggling with our academia with or without CCAs anyway. So why not just enrich your university life with a little variety? It is okay to be busy. Do not afraid to be busy. Do not feel pressured when your entire week is occupied. With time, you will get used to it. I heard this excellent quote from my discipline master in Temasek Junior College. What are the ten most important two-letter words in English? "If it is to be, it is up to me". Nothing is quite impossible, if only you try. So while you are here in university, take part, don't lose time, don't miss out on your youth. Put away your excuses. Step up on your self discipline.
A busy life is a life worth living. Take that first step.
PS. When I say CCAs here, I also refer to out-of-curriculum activities such as workshops, talks etc.
Friday, September 03, 2010
Tech Speak: Comex 2010
Comex 2010 is here again. This time I had to buy supplies for school so I zoomed in and buy without hesitation. I was looking around with a friend for his laptop and voila! We spotted the MSI FX400 which is essentially my laptop but with an Nvidia Card with Optimus, with 14inch screen instead of 16inch, having a better pair of speakers, and non glossy. Okay I guess that makes it far apart from my laptop but if only I had waited. I'll take a couple of photos and post them here when I have the chance. Oh and it is only $1400! Gosh...
On the side note, here's a few things to take note when one goes for an IT fair such as this.
1) Always wear covered shoes. It's usually very crowded so people tend to step on one another.
2) Try not to bring a bag. If you must, bring a small one as the bulk can make the crowd pushing worse.
3) Leave your kid at home. Seriously your kids won't know tech. Prams and wondering children are the most annoying things to find at an IT show.
4) Take steps to the side if you want to browse a shop. Do not block the pathway.
5) Always take your discussions to the corners. Do not block the entrance or exit.
6) Make a point to wonder around to look for your wants for lower prices.
7) If your item is an expensive buy, try to examine it when you are outside the fair location. If it is faulty or lacks warranty card, you can still go back to get it exchanged or get the warranty card.
On the side note, here's a few things to take note when one goes for an IT fair such as this.
1) Always wear covered shoes. It's usually very crowded so people tend to step on one another.
2) Try not to bring a bag. If you must, bring a small one as the bulk can make the crowd pushing worse.
3) Leave your kid at home. Seriously your kids won't know tech. Prams and wondering children are the most annoying things to find at an IT show.
4) Take steps to the side if you want to browse a shop. Do not block the pathway.
5) Always take your discussions to the corners. Do not block the entrance or exit.
6) Make a point to wonder around to look for your wants for lower prices.
7) If your item is an expensive buy, try to examine it when you are outside the fair location. If it is faulty or lacks warranty card, you can still go back to get it exchanged or get the warranty card.
1 pair of Cruzer 8GB thumbdrives for my sister and brother. 21 bucks each
i got this for myself. 16GB Sandisk Ultra Backup. 56 bucks
my printer Fuji Xerox Phaser 3124. small and fast. no auto duplex though. but as many people say, convenience comes at a high price. so i'll stick to manual duplex. the printer cost 109 bucks (from 159) with starter toner of 1000 pages. the extra toner cost $105 bucks (from 123) and can print 3000 pages.
there was a sure win lucky draw from Fuji Xerox and my luck has never been this good. i won this 7inch digital frame that though cannot be used to watch movies, but is generally good enough. the price of this should be around 50 bucks.
helped my sister buy her printer ink. 55 bucks down from 60+ and comes with 5 bucks NTUC voucher and a few photo paper.
Total damage: $367
Monday, August 23, 2010
Tech Speak: IEM VS Non In-Ear Earphones
http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,2011503,00.html
These days, nobody should be using non-in-ear earphones anymore. Their quality is generally low and audiophiles squirm at the sight, or sound of them. In ear earphones are good in audio quality and they also block out unwanted noise from outside. While some people say that blasting sounds directly at your eardrums is no good, I would say having in ear earphones allow one to hear their music at a much lower volume compared to normal earphones. I've seen so many people listening to music so loud on the train or bus that I can hear from 5 metres away. Can you imagine how loud the sound must have been channeling onto his eardrums? People up the volume of their player mainly because they cannot hear their music due to ambient noise. Therefore in ear earpieces are the way to go to protect your eardrums. Of course if you still want to set your volume at half of the maximum when using in ear earpieces, then your eardrums are really at your own foolish mercy.
PS. There are lousy in ear earphones as well.
These days, nobody should be using non-in-ear earphones anymore. Their quality is generally low and audiophiles squirm at the sight, or sound of them. In ear earphones are good in audio quality and they also block out unwanted noise from outside. While some people say that blasting sounds directly at your eardrums is no good, I would say having in ear earphones allow one to hear their music at a much lower volume compared to normal earphones. I've seen so many people listening to music so loud on the train or bus that I can hear from 5 metres away. Can you imagine how loud the sound must have been channeling onto his eardrums? People up the volume of their player mainly because they cannot hear their music due to ambient noise. Therefore in ear earpieces are the way to go to protect your eardrums. Of course if you still want to set your volume at half of the maximum when using in ear earpieces, then your eardrums are really at your own foolish mercy.
PS. There are lousy in ear earphones as well.
Rambling: Coding
It's 1.48am and I'm coding right now.
University life is tiring. So tiring. I think I have way too much commitments. But it's okay. At least I'm not shortchanging myself.
Back to coding...
University life is tiring. So tiring. I think I have way too much commitments. But it's okay. At least I'm not shortchanging myself.
Back to coding...
Friday, August 20, 2010
Interest(ing): What is a PhD
http://gizmodo.com/5613794/what-is-exactly-a-doctorate
Interesting view point on the definition of a PhD, and so accurate and true.
Interesting view point on the definition of a PhD, and so accurate and true.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Tech Speak: Google Fights Again, This Time Against Oracle
http://www.computerworld.com/s/article/9180703/Google_calls_Oracle_lawsuit_baseless_vows_to_fight_it?taxonomyId=13
Oracle has just acquired Sun Systems, and with it its Java Technology. I myself just found out that Google's mobile operating system, Android, runs on Java. Now Oracle is pointing fingers and lawyers at Google.
And it's no surprise that Google says "Bring it on." Java is an open source programming language and Google did nothing wrong using it. If Oracle pushes for its lawsuit, that would mean it wants to close up the open source technology. It should do well to learn from Apple's failing example of not advancing towards a more open web. (ie. Apple's refusal to include Flash into OS X and iOS, and Flash's primary objective is to provide a programming tool for multiple platform, thus a more open web)
It does not matter whether Google wins this lawsuit or not. Oracle would have the entire technosphere frowning on them.
Oracle has just acquired Sun Systems, and with it its Java Technology. I myself just found out that Google's mobile operating system, Android, runs on Java. Now Oracle is pointing fingers and lawyers at Google.
Google infringed Oracle's Java-related intellectual property "knowingly, directly and repeatedly," Oracle said on Thursday in a statement about the lawsuit, which it filed in U.S. District Court in San Francisco.
And it's no surprise that Google says "Bring it on." Java is an open source programming language and Google did nothing wrong using it. If Oracle pushes for its lawsuit, that would mean it wants to close up the open source technology. It should do well to learn from Apple's failing example of not advancing towards a more open web. (ie. Apple's refusal to include Flash into OS X and iOS, and Flash's primary objective is to provide a programming tool for multiple platform, thus a more open web)
It does not matter whether Google wins this lawsuit or not. Oracle would have the entire technosphere frowning on them.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Brain Storm: Catching Game
A really important and close friend left last night. A bunch of us went to see him off. Frankly, its not like he's not coming back. And its not like he's going for all 4 years. A full year, its neither long nor short. Yet, all of us could feel it. There's gonna be a gap. Somewhere in our lives there will be a hollow spot for a year.
But that's reality. People come and go. New paths open up. Choices are made. Life goes on. The only thing we can do is to hugz hugz kiss kiss before separation, and make that promise, to go back into our catching game. I'll catch up with your life, and you with mine, someday, soon.
I feel a little lonely tonight. Do you?
But that's reality. People come and go. New paths open up. Choices are made. Life goes on. The only thing we can do is to hugz hugz kiss kiss before separation, and make that promise, to go back into our catching game. I'll catch up with your life, and you with mine, someday, soon.
The catching game. A never ending game where you attempt to catch your friend while he attempts to catch you as well. This game usually lasts a lifetime if the friendship is strong. This is the only game where the saved game will never get deleted.
I feel a little lonely tonight. Do you?
Sunday, August 08, 2010
Review: iPhone 4 (taken from Digital Life 4/8/2010)
The good news - reports of the iPhone 4 having massive issues with reception and dropped calls in the United States are not as common in Singapore, as local telcos have pointed out that a stronger mobile network here alleviates the problem.
The bad news is, Apple's latest toy does suffer from receoption issues to a certain extent, compared with other phones.
Holding the phone with your left hand will cause the signal bars to drop gradually, as covering the lower-left corner of the slim device with your palm affects its antenna.
If you are indoors, 40 seconds is all it takes for the bars to fall from five to one. You do not even have to hold it tighitly, to mimic an actual Death Grip, as it is commonly called.
Outdoors, the bars do not fall but as soon as you have overhead cover, be it seated in a restaurant or on a bus, the bars start dropping.
However, voice calls are barely affected. When bars fall from five to one, calls can still be made, in fact, the bars do climb back up once a call is connected.
Issues with calls occur when reception at a location is already weak to begin with. Covering the antenna further reduces the weak reception and both incoming and outgoing calls cannot be made.
Outgoing calls will stall and incoming calls will not connect. If you happen to move from good reception zone to a weaker one while on the line, be prepared to lose that call.
This happened to me at a supermarket in Serangoon. the call started off well but about a minute after I stepped into the supermarket, i lost the other party. Without the Death Grip, the phone alternated beween two and three signal bars.
The bigger problem, though is with data connectivity. A reduction in the signal bars greatly hampers the download speed of the phone.
Whether I am downloading apps from the App Store, checking my email or refreshing my Twitter application, I noticed onger load times with a lower number of signal bars. Often, a server error display will pop up.
As I am right-handed, I always hold the phone with my left hand. The moment I hold the phone with two fingers at the top and bottom, the bars climb up and downloads are restored. Aside from the reception issue, Apple has delivered a well-made device. The retina display is extremely sharp and it is easier to read small fonts compared to iPhone 3GS.
Battery life also lasted longer. With push email, games and constant Twitter updates, the 3GS barely lasted eight hours. The iPhone 4 clocked 10 to 12 hours before I needed to plug it in.
Although video calls are not new, Apple's new FaceTime feature- which allows video calles to be made across Wi-Fi between two iPhone 4 devices - is pretty impressive.
White the phone will not indicate if the other party is on Wi-Fi, you can easily switch to FaceTime mode during a regular call. Voice pick - up is sharp even if you hold the phoneaway from you.
The rear camera has also been upgraded to a 5-megapixel one, which allows for video recordings of up to 720p.
When used with a flash, colours do appear unnatural, displaying a brighter red or orange hue.
Verdict: A phone should fulfil its basic functions of making calls, so you have to decide if the apps and better design really justify the iPhone's price tag.
The bad news is, Apple's latest toy does suffer from receoption issues to a certain extent, compared with other phones.
Holding the phone with your left hand will cause the signal bars to drop gradually, as covering the lower-left corner of the slim device with your palm affects its antenna.
If you are indoors, 40 seconds is all it takes for the bars to fall from five to one. You do not even have to hold it tighitly, to mimic an actual Death Grip, as it is commonly called.
Outdoors, the bars do not fall but as soon as you have overhead cover, be it seated in a restaurant or on a bus, the bars start dropping.
However, voice calls are barely affected. When bars fall from five to one, calls can still be made, in fact, the bars do climb back up once a call is connected.
Issues with calls occur when reception at a location is already weak to begin with. Covering the antenna further reduces the weak reception and both incoming and outgoing calls cannot be made.
Outgoing calls will stall and incoming calls will not connect. If you happen to move from good reception zone to a weaker one while on the line, be prepared to lose that call.
This happened to me at a supermarket in Serangoon. the call started off well but about a minute after I stepped into the supermarket, i lost the other party. Without the Death Grip, the phone alternated beween two and three signal bars.
The bigger problem, though is with data connectivity. A reduction in the signal bars greatly hampers the download speed of the phone.
Whether I am downloading apps from the App Store, checking my email or refreshing my Twitter application, I noticed onger load times with a lower number of signal bars. Often, a server error display will pop up.
As I am right-handed, I always hold the phone with my left hand. The moment I hold the phone with two fingers at the top and bottom, the bars climb up and downloads are restored. Aside from the reception issue, Apple has delivered a well-made device. The retina display is extremely sharp and it is easier to read small fonts compared to iPhone 3GS.
Battery life also lasted longer. With push email, games and constant Twitter updates, the 3GS barely lasted eight hours. The iPhone 4 clocked 10 to 12 hours before I needed to plug it in.
Although video calls are not new, Apple's new FaceTime feature- which allows video calles to be made across Wi-Fi between two iPhone 4 devices - is pretty impressive.
White the phone will not indicate if the other party is on Wi-Fi, you can easily switch to FaceTime mode during a regular call. Voice pick - up is sharp even if you hold the phoneaway from you.
The rear camera has also been upgraded to a 5-megapixel one, which allows for video recordings of up to 720p.
When used with a flash, colours do appear unnatural, displaying a brighter red or orange hue.
Verdict: A phone should fulfil its basic functions of making calls, so you have to decide if the apps and better design really justify the iPhone's price tag.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Brain Storm: That Day Will Come Again
I was holding my green EZ Link Card until I ORDed. The wait was unbearable. Then I used my Doraemon EZ Link Card (a normal EZ Link Card with a Doraemon EZ Link sticker) while I waited for university to start. I met up with all my friends again and I had plenty of memories refreshing in my mind and new ones were made. Before I knew it, the time was over, I had to start the next part of my life. And now, I'm holding onto my NUS EZ Link Card.
These few days, I had a lot of happy gatherings. Little meet ups which made me feel that I was blissful and I just didn't want it to end. But I know it will. Eventually we will part. And perhaps we might not meet each other again, or maybe not so often anymore. But I'll put in the effort, and I'll cherish the memories. Before I know it, I'll be using my Doraemon EZ Link Card again. And then, we will laugh together once, next to each other. That day will come again.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Brain Storm: Away From Home Once Again
A friend said "tell me how it is like on the first day after you moved into your dorm". I went "huh for what?". And he said "you never had your own room before right?".
That's right. I've never had my own room. All these times I either had my brother or my platoon with me. Oh well there was this once when I was the only guy on weekend duty in my bunk and I slept alone the night before. But either way, this time, the setting is different. I'm not there to play, I'm not there to relax, I cannot have a heck-care attitude no more.
I'll be all alone, I'll be independent. Just watch, I'll be okay on my own.
That's right. I've never had my own room. All these times I either had my brother or my platoon with me. Oh well there was this once when I was the only guy on weekend duty in my bunk and I slept alone the night before. But either way, this time, the setting is different. I'm not there to play, I'm not there to relax, I cannot have a heck-care attitude no more.
I'll be all alone, I'll be independent. Just watch, I'll be okay on my own.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Stay tune!
Hi, this site is still under construction. Stay tune!
in the meantime, check out http://infinitelyme.blogspot.com
in the meantime, check out http://infinitelyme.blogspot.com
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Tech Speak: iPhone 4 Woes
Nokia And RIM Respond To Apple’s Antenna Issues
http://thenextweb.com/mobile/2010/07/17/nokia-and-rim-respond-to-apples-antenna-issues/
http://www.intomobile.com/2010/06/28/steve-jobs-and-apple-on-iphone-4-reception-issues/
There's no problem with iPhone 4's antenna. No wait, there is a problem, I'll admit but all other phones have too. Deal with it, you pussy.
That's what old Jobs said about the newly launched iPhone 4. On 17 July 2010, Steve Jobs held a conference to address the issue. He admitted that a firmware update will NOT solve the antenna problem and is giving out free casing and some refunds of some sort for AT &T users. However during the course of the conference, he "apologised" for not being perfect "but then nobody is". You call that an apology? Furthermore putting Nokia and RIM (Research In Motion, the company behind Blackberry) in bad light by claiming that the antenna issues lie within their phones as well just shows that Apple and dear old Steve does not admit their mistake. Nokia and RIM have of course rebutted against Apple and let's face it, if Nokia and RIM with their waves of phones have had this problem, many many people would have found out. For your stupid Steve's brains sake, if only numbers would go through your dull senses, the most commonly used phone in the world is Blackberry, followed by Symbian phones (which is the operating system that Nokia mainly uses until this year). Your puny iPhone in the mobile phone market share is nothing compared to Nokia and RIM.
Wake up your idea. And if anyone still thinks that iPhone 4 is a choice of their phone, and if these people know me personally, please for goodness sake, find me. I will slap you until you wake up. Even if your excuses go along the lines of "oh i'm a right hander, my signal won't drop so much anyway", or "i'll just use a casing and the problem is minimised" or "i use handsfree most of the time instead of holding my phone so it doesn't matter", please do go ahead. I won't pray for you nor your phone.
http://thenextweb.com/mobile/2010/07/17/nokia-and-rim-respond-to-apples-antenna-issues/
There's no problem with iPhone 4's antenna. No wait, there is a problem, I'll admit but all other phones have too. Deal with it, you pussy.
That's what old Jobs said about the newly launched iPhone 4. On 17 July 2010, Steve Jobs held a conference to address the issue. He admitted that a firmware update will NOT solve the antenna problem and is giving out free casing and some refunds of some sort for AT &T users. However during the course of the conference, he "apologised" for not being perfect "but then nobody is". You call that an apology? Furthermore putting Nokia and RIM (Research In Motion, the company behind Blackberry) in bad light by claiming that the antenna issues lie within their phones as well just shows that Apple and dear old Steve does not admit their mistake. Nokia and RIM have of course rebutted against Apple and let's face it, if Nokia and RIM with their waves of phones have had this problem, many many people would have found out. For your stupid Steve's brains sake, if only numbers would go through your dull senses, the most commonly used phone in the world is Blackberry, followed by Symbian phones (which is the operating system that Nokia mainly uses until this year). Your puny iPhone in the mobile phone market share is nothing compared to Nokia and RIM.
Wake up your idea. And if anyone still thinks that iPhone 4 is a choice of their phone, and if these people know me personally, please for goodness sake, find me. I will slap you until you wake up. Even if your excuses go along the lines of "oh i'm a right hander, my signal won't drop so much anyway", or "i'll just use a casing and the problem is minimised" or "i use handsfree most of the time instead of holding my phone so it doesn't matter", please do go ahead. I won't pray for you nor your phone.
Tech Speak: iPhone 4 Woes
Nokia And RIM Respond To Apple’s Antenna Issues
http://thenextweb.com/mobile/2010/07/17/nokia-and-rim-respond-to-apples-antenna-issues/
http://www.intomobile.com/2010/06/28/steve-jobs-and-apple-on-iphone-4-reception-issues/
There's no problem with iPhone 4's antenna. No wait, there is a problem, I'll admit but all other phones have too. Deal with it, you pussy.
That's what old Jobs said about the newly launched iPhone 4. On 17 July 2010, Steve Jobs held a conference to address the issue. He admitted that a firmware update will NOT solve the antenna problem and is giving out free casing and some refunds of some sort for AT &T users. However during the course of the conference, he "apologised" for not being perfect "but then nobody is". You call that an apology? Furthermore putting Nokia and RIM (Research In Motion, the company behind Blackberry) in bad light by claiming that the antenna issues lie within their phones as well just shows that Apple and dear old Steve does not admit their mistake. Nokia and RIM have of course rebutted against Apple and let's face it, if Nokia and RIM with their waves of phones have had this problem, many many people would have found out. For your stupid Steve's brains sake, if only numbers would go through your dull senses, the most commonly used phone in the world is Blackberry, followed by Symbian phones (which is the operating system that Nokia mainly uses until this year). Your puny iPhone in the mobile phone market share is nothing compared to Nokia and RIM.
Wake up your idea. And if anyone still thinks that iPhone 4 is a choice of their phone, and if these people know me personally, please for goodness sake, find me. I will slap you until you wake up. Even if your excuses go along the lines of "oh i'm a right hander, my signal won't drop so much anyway", or "i'll just use a casing and the problem is minimised" or "i use handsfree most of the time instead of holding my phone so it doesn't matter", please do go ahead. I won't pray for you nor your phone.
http://thenextweb.com/mobile/2010/07/17/nokia-and-rim-respond-to-apples-antenna-issues/
There's no problem with iPhone 4's antenna. No wait, there is a problem, I'll admit but all other phones have too. Deal with it, you pussy.
That's what old Jobs said about the newly launched iPhone 4. On 17 July 2010, Steve Jobs held a conference to address the issue. He admitted that a firmware update will NOT solve the antenna problem and is giving out free casing and some refunds of some sort for AT &T users. However during the course of the conference, he "apologised" for not being perfect "but then nobody is". You call that an apology? Furthermore putting Nokia and RIM (Research In Motion, the company behind Blackberry) in bad light by claiming that the antenna issues lie within their phones as well just shows that Apple and dear old Steve does not admit their mistake. Nokia and RIM have of course rebutted against Apple and let's face it, if Nokia and RIM with their waves of phones have had this problem, many many people would have found out. For your stupid Steve's brains sake, if only numbers would go through your dull senses, the most commonly used phone in the world is Blackberry, followed by Symbian phones (which is the operating system that Nokia mainly uses until this year). Your puny iPhone in the mobile phone market share is nothing compared to Nokia and RIM.
Wake up your idea. And if anyone still thinks that iPhone 4 is a choice of their phone, and if these people know me personally, please for goodness sake, find me. I will slap you until you wake up. Even if your excuses go along the lines of "oh i'm a right hander, my signal won't drop so much anyway", or "i'll just use a casing and the problem is minimised" or "i use handsfree most of the time instead of holding my phone so it doesn't matter", please do go ahead. I won't pray for you nor your phone.
Tech Speak: App Inventor for Android
Official Google Blog: App Inventor for Android
http://googleblog.blogspot.com/2010/07/app-inventor-for-android.html
Android's getting better at making apps but I still can't understand why developers don't port their nice games over to Android from iOS. You pay to make apps for iOS but it's free for Android. It's been a few days and Android just broke 100000 apps and 1 billion downloads. Gotta work harder Android. But this app inventor sure is interesting, though I doubt it'll change the situation much.
http://googleblog.blogspot.com/2010/07/app-inventor-for-android.html
Android's getting better at making apps but I still can't understand why developers don't port their nice games over to Android from iOS. You pay to make apps for iOS but it's free for Android. It's been a few days and Android just broke 100000 apps and 1 billion downloads. Gotta work harder Android. But this app inventor sure is interesting, though I doubt it'll change the situation much.
Tech Speak: App Inventor for Android
Official Google Blog: App Inventor for Android
http://googleblog.blogspot.com/2010/07/app-inventor-for-android.html
Android's getting better at making apps but I still can't understand why developers don't port their nice games over to Android from iOS. You pay to make apps for iOS but it's free for Android. It's been a few days and Android just broke 100000 apps and 1 billion downloads. Gotta work harder Android. But this app inventor sure is interesting, though I doubt it'll change the situation much.
http://googleblog.blogspot.com/2010/07/app-inventor-for-android.html
Android's getting better at making apps but I still can't understand why developers don't port their nice games over to Android from iOS. You pay to make apps for iOS but it's free for Android. It's been a few days and Android just broke 100000 apps and 1 billion downloads. Gotta work harder Android. But this app inventor sure is interesting, though I doubt it'll change the situation much.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
TechieEat: Swensen's One For One Lunch
Swensen's weekday lunch offer is always enticing. My buddies and I have went there for quite a few times already. You can choose to pair dishes together to get the most value for money price, if you are ordering more than 2 dishes. Although I do detect a slight declination in the food quality and service during the 1 for 1 timings, I am more than happy with the savings. Its unfortunate that the ice creams do not have the 1 for 1 offers too.
my favourite meatballs pasta. nice.
Ambiance: 2.5/5
Meatballs Pasta: 3.5/5
Service: 2/5
TechieEat: Swensen's One For One Lunch
Swensen's weekday lunch offer is always enticing. My buddies and I have went there for quite a few times already. You can choose to pair dishes together to get the most value for money price, if you are ordering more than 2 dishes. Although I do detect a slight declination in the food quality and service during the 1 for 1 timings, I am more than happy with the savings. Its unfortunate that the ice creams do not have the 1 for 1 offers too.
my favourite meatballs pasta. nice.
Ambiance: 2.5/5
Meatballs Pasta: 3.5/5
Service: 2/5
Friday, July 09, 2010
Ramblings: Against All Odds
I was supposed to be in school for a faculty event but I was played
out. I knew I could trust my instinct. I know a badly organised event
when I smell one days and miles away. But honestly I am not hvery
pissed off, even though this post is under Ramblings (doesn't make a
lot of sense if this is under Brainstorm). Anyway I needed to get my
lazy ass to Sim Lim square for some stuff and I just take it as a
trial to see how much time i take to go to engineer faculty direct
using a new route. Now I'm just lazing in Bugis Starbucks. Sweet!
It's so blissful...
out. I knew I could trust my instinct. I know a badly organised event
when I smell one days and miles away. But honestly I am not hvery
pissed off, even though this post is under Ramblings (doesn't make a
lot of sense if this is under Brainstorm). Anyway I needed to get my
lazy ass to Sim Lim square for some stuff and I just take it as a
trial to see how much time i take to go to engineer faculty direct
using a new route. Now I'm just lazing in Bugis Starbucks. Sweet!
It's so blissful...
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