Tech Speak: What I To See In The Tech Scene In 2013

I wrote about what I want to see in the technological scene in 2011 http://infinite.acperience.net/2011/01/what-i-want-to-see-in-the-tech-scene-in-2011/
and I missed it for 2012. So here's my take for 2013.

In 2012, we saw that technological advancement is still not slowing down. There was a huge turn out of different mobile devices and the tablet scene is finally picking up the pace. Dirt cheap tablets are coming in. Personal assistant Siri and Google Now had a bit of spotlight as well. Battery capacities are finally starting to increase. Apple played punk by releasing 2 iPads within a year. They also showed that an older architecture doesn't necessarily mean a lesser chip with A6. Frankly 2012 was a disappointing year. I wasn't impressed with a single Android phone. Galaxy S3 Touchwiz UI is still ugly as hell. HTC and Motorola finally unlocked their bootloaders for many phones but it was still difficult to achieve S-OFF with them. Even Samsung and nVidia are still not releasing drivers for the AOSP development community. iPad Mini is a disappointment too. (yeah yeah we all know how Apple works by now, release a lousy device so that they can put in better stuff next year). Windows 8 caused less excitement than I expected. Tablet laptop hybrids are crazy expensive, effectively cranking up the norm prices for a standard laptop again. Windows Phone 8 was still meh.

 

What Should Happen in 2013

1) Flexible Display

Samsung and Apple are getting in on this one so I think we should start to see the first non-straight device in 2013. Can't imagine how a device's screen can bend within the insides bending though.

2) Higher Capacity Battery

With Samsung Galaxy S3 and Motorola Razor Maxx putting in large batteries inside slim bodies, it appears that it is possible to have high capacity batteries in a slim profile. The processors are getting more and more powerful. Bigger batteries would be nice.

3) Custom Processors like A6

I would expect the likes of LG and Huawei to go deeper into custom processors instead of just using the common ones like Qualcomm's in hopes of achieving what Apple did with A6. More variation might have its good but I also expect more problems with apps compatibility and more hassle among the AOSP community.

4) Cheaper Mainstream Tablets

With rumours of a $99 or $129USD ASUS tablet, it seems like everyone is forced to lower the prices of their tablets. It just doesn't seem worth it to get a tablet at $999 anymore if they can do almost the same things. iPad Mini was a big disappointment in the price range department. I suppose Apple makes premium goods for a price but that much more expensive than Nexus 7?

 

What I want to see in 2013

1) NFC adoption

NFC is picking up the pace too slowly. Sure we could put the blame on Apple for not joining the wagon since they would definitely boost the adoption speed by leaps and bounds. But I guess Google should have quite a bit of influence too right? Hopefully more OEMs and credit companies would open up to NFC.

2) Wireless charging

This is just for my convenience I guess. It's getting too little hype.

3) Less devices

More thoughtful designs, less variation please. I think Motorola is heading in a good direction. They only have a few good devices whereas HTC, Samsung, Sony all have a huge range that it's hard to keep up. Before you know it there's a slightly better upgrade to a phone that's a few months old. All these OEMs have mentioned of lesser but higher quality devices but looks like their hands are still quite itchy.

4) HTC to wake up their idea

Yes, I have been a user of HTC for a while. And there's nothing but disappointment in 2012. No LTE in flagship devices, multiple flagship devices etc. Stupid One X+ upgrade though Droid DNA was just nearing launch. These are all crazy mistakes.

5) Higher adoption of LTE

Singapore is finally in the LTE game but there are still way too few LTE devices.

6) Blackberry's comeback

I know nobody cares. But more competition is always good. I would like to see how Blackberry makes a comeback and if those who abandoned Blackberry and tasted iOS or Android would go back or not.

7) Google's smart watch

Google has made a patent on smart watch for some time but we still haven't seen anything yet. Now that there's rumours of Apple and Intel ganging up to make a smart watch, Google better watch out. Time is running short.

8) Google Glasses

The Google Glasses Demonstration during Google I/O 2012 was superbly impressive. If I had the money I would have ordered the prototype. Having a wearable computer in the size of your glasses is beyond cool. Looks like futuristic technology is finally coming.

9) Less patent wars

Seriously enough is enough.

Ramblings: Maybe It Was For Nothing

"Maybe there was no reason, just belief." That's a quote I just took from my friend's Facebook.

Cynism really gets people sometimes. There's many things in this world to be cynical about. There are many things that perhaps just seem to need too much effort. But I'd like to think that there's more to life. That I shouldn't give up hope of being better, getting better.

Maybe it would have been for nothing. But at least I tried.

Brain Storm: The Big Picture

Snippets of my Life: Forever Alone

Le me walking alone in vivocity. Super coincidentally saw Benjamin outside Franc.

Me: hey what are you doing here alone? Shopping alone? So sad?

Ben: No lah I'm meeting my parents for a meal and I sneaked out to around for a while. You leh?

Me: shopping alone...

*truly forever alone*

Ramblings: A Year On

I'm now sitting in the club room that used to be mine, 3.30am, alone on the first night of the annual camp. Exactly a year ago, I was sitting in the exact same place. But I had a name to myself then. Now I'm nothing, just a normal person. My words have no weight, my presence causes no concern. A year on and I have fought, fallen and learnt. I have naught but experience. This isn't the life I wanted. But sitting here has showed me that my time is over, at least in this place.

I used to struggle with retaining power after stepping down from any position. But today, I realise why some people don't cling onto their past. Former glory is but former. Time speeds past and then it is a year on. And all I can do is look back and then face forward.

Brain Storm: Friends and Life

A while ago I had a chat with a friend regarding the meaning of life. He lamented how life feels empty because he doesn't really know who is still in his life. There's no permanent residents in his life, people come and go, being single and all. The times he meet up with his close friends back in secondary school is few as well. As do I.

I think it's pretty safe for me to say that I have very close friends from secondary school. I have a set of friends whom I make an effort to meet up once in a while. It's true we don't meet as often as close friends would. We all get really caught up in our own lives and we're no longer each others' priority. Admittedly, we even let each other slip out of our minds sometimes. But does it really matter? I think at the end of the day, true friends are those who don't forget about each other and will always be there when I need them. That'll be good enough. I know that when I really need help, I can count on them. And they know it too. When we can help it, we will make an effort to meet up. Sure some of my friends see me about twice a year. But we have already made it a ritual to meet up as soon as one party is free. And that party will haunt the other until he/she agrees to meet up. Such is my life, and I'm satisfied with it.

I think no matter what there will be definitely be people in your life. They may not be as close to you compared to your previous friends, but they occupy most of your time at present. So you can't really say there is no one in your life. An empty shell is what you make of it. Those people you are close to now may go away eventually. But this is precisely the time to try and make them stay, vice versa isn't it? My secondary school friends didn't appear to be permanent residents of my life when I was in secondary school. Maybe I'm only spending time with my university friends because I have no choice since I am in university now. Maybe not. Time will tell.

As we proceed to the next stages of our life, the people in our lives will change. Some will go and some will stay. But I won't be dejected. Just because the previous group of friends didn't work out as permanent residents doesn't mean the next set will be the same. Everyone is different. Superficiality is as far as you want it to be. Of course it depends on the other side too. But your attitude will affect the others, and an effort is neede. And I think everyone need to keep in mind that a few good friends is good enough. Why do you need so many good friends for? For your facebook collection?

Friends are who we can count on in our lives. I think life partners and friends come by a different means. Your lover loves you for who you are, thinks your flaws are your strengths and an overlook your problems. For me, I accept my friends for who they are, but if they have problems, I will condemn it, though I'll still be there for them. At the end of our lives, friends will be our only prized possessions. And only then you can truly see how many lives you have touched during your time. And whether they take up a 1 quarter of your time yearly in your life or merely 1 or 2 days, I still consider them part of my life, never gone.

Brain Storm: Settling

They say "sometimes in a world of a million, all you need is one". But there are 6 billion people in this world. How would you know who is "the one"?

When I was confiding my problems to one of my friends, we came across the topic of settling down. He said that many of his friends had already gotten married and many times it is because those people have felt age catching up and decided to choose the next easiest prey to marry. This concept of settling, in my friend's term, is the act of "making do with something less than you deserve". And many times we argued and discussed the idea of settling and settling down.

He never imagined himself to settle for less in his life. After all, why would you shortchange yourself? I guess there are many schools of thought. Aside from shortchanging, there's also a concern of not knowing until you try, and also if the person is "the one". I'm of course talking about the state of mind one should have when dating or when marrying. Commitment is not just spelled with time and effort, but also sacrifice. I think it's quite possible for one to fall for more than one person. And perhaps there is indeed someone who is perfectly meant for you. But many times a person would not be able to tell if the attached is the one and only. When someone better comes along, hearts are wavered and the main question is, "do I settle?" Would you settle if you can't tell if your partner is the one? Would you settle if you would have never known otherwise how it would have turned out?

Whether you settle or not, you have to be able to convince yourself. How many people can mention true love as the reason to stay? How convincing would that be if someone really good comes along?

But there is no conclusion to the discussion I had with my friend. In the end, time waits for no man. Would you risk the possibility of not ever finding "the one"? Would you break a million hearts just to find one meant for you? Would you not settle for less because you think too highly of yourself? Or is love so blinding that it depends on the intensity?

So we concluded the infinite possibilities.
Perhaps time is of essence, so we should have to eventually settle.
Perhaps there is no right answer, and you would only find out when it happens to you.
Perhaps one fine day, you will realise that a conviction has to be made, not out of pure true love, but out of consideration for both of you.
Perhaps one fine day, you will realise that it's never just about yourself.
Perhaps one fine day, you will realise that you are old enough and wasted enough time.
Perhaps one fine day, you will realise that peaceful bliss is better than a torrent of emotions.

And maybe some people are lucky. And maybe some people are totally unlucky. And maybe one day you'll settle for me.

.

I'm again reminded of my failure. Thinking back, everything went downhill ever since I went to university.

My grades are like shit, my leadership abilities dipped (if it was even there in the first place), I can't make new friends, I have tons of relationship problems, my finance is horrible, I'm unmotivated, and I can't even plan a birthday dinner properly.

Then I keep wondering why am I such a loser, and how everyone strays from me the minute they know I'm a failure.  Maybe pissing people off is all I know. I lack discipline, I'm not loyal, and I abandon people once I get what I want, I crave like a maniac when I can't get what I want. My stalkerish behavior throws people off, scare others and makes me extremely distasteful. My geekyness turns people off and on top of that, it's not even real geek that I am, all I know is superficial knowledge.

So how like that? Wandering in my life, no aim at all, keep doing things which I know will end up in a deadlock.

Brain Storm: An Open Birthday

107 facebook posts

5 tweets

10 whatsapp messages

3 SMSes

A total of 125 well wishes.

[warning, long and whiny post possibly without much elaboration and overly judgemental, but it'll be even longer if I pen out all my thoughts in details]

I suppose any social person would find that number of birthday well wishes to be puny. But truth be told, this was an overwhelming number to me already as I have never gotten anything more than total number of fingers I have on my hands. If you read my post last year, you would know that my birthday is a date shrouded in mystery. I do not openly publicise my birthday, you will not find any trace of the date on the internet and I dislike telling people my birthday even when they ask, expecting them to find out through some magical way. Yes I do know that 10 is a pathetic number even if my birthday is not on a public domain. While I have no excuses for myself (not a popular or well liked guy, or someone with many friends), but let's face it, many people have become over reliant on social networks to remind themselves of others' birthday. I shall not dwell on this since I talked about it last year.

This time round, I'd rather talk about how I felt throughout the 24 hours. For the first time in my life, I posted my birthday on Facebook. To me, it was a social experiment. Pardon my "excitement" but this is the first time in my life where I actually expected well wishings. In the past, my tardy male friends would either forget or whatnot. So the people who do wish me are generally the same people but it fluctuates a bit. I have long heard rumours of well wishes arising from the "I see the notification on fb so I just wish lor" syndrome and I was expecting it to happen to me.

At 12am, it started. Thankfully the first well wishing was a text not Facebook wall post (else it would be really pathetic). I suppose there will definitely be people who sees it and goes "er, I don't think I know him well enough to care" and yes I applaud you for your attitude. That's how I am too. I don't want to be someone who gave a shit about you on only one day a year.

I managed to spend my day with whom I wanted to, so it was good enough for me (I remember I spent it in a meeting last year and nobody realised it was my birthday until 12am that day). Throughout the day, I kept my Facebook mobile notification on and checked who wished me every now and then. It was amazing to see people whom I didn't even know how they got on my Facebook wishing me happy birthday.

And frankly, it was rather empty too. Granted, most people has a Facebook friend list choked full of acquaintances. But how many of those whom you think would have cared, cared, and how many of those acquaintances cared? It is understandable for many of our real friends to miss our birthdays. I speak not just for myself. I have seen close friends birthday well wishing count go up to 200, out of the 700 - 1000 friends they have. I have also read other people who actually counted their own Facebook well wishings and posted it up. Those also usually go up to about 20% of their total Facebook friends. Mine happened to be nearly 20%. Does everyone only has 20% of their Facebook friends as real friends?

Let's take my case as reference. Out of all my Facebook friends, a small 10% are close to me, a rough 40% are considered friends, some 30% acquaintances whom I don't care about, and the remaining 20% are people who I actually don't know personally, including people whom I don't even remember at all. I used to have strict control on who I add on my Facebook, but I stopped that policy while I was acquiring contacts as the chairperson of my club last year. How many people would believe that the 20% of my Facebook friends who wished me on my wall are from the 50% of my closer friends? I would say that only about 10% comes from that category. How about the other half?

It's true that I have given nonchalant birthday well wishings before. But thinking back, on your birthday, how many birthday well wishings actually made you feel HAPPY when you saw it? I didn't. I wasn't happy at all. I see person A who was a freshman in a camp I organised last year wish me and I wasn't glad to see it. I'm not ungrateful though. I am thankful that I am remembered, though it was more likely that it was a moment of convenience. I am at least thankful that I was given a fuck. I mean, he or she could have easily went "who cares?". What really appalled me was on this day, there were actually people who posted stuff without thinking. There's actually this guy who typed "happy birthday.." and I have absolutely no idea where the hell he came from. If you want to be polite, you should at least TRY to be sincere. How sincere it that dude's birthday well wishing? The fact that I know 50% of the people who posted on my wall are acting sincere is disturbing. The fact that there are at least some people out there who don't even pretend to be sincere is beyond disturbing. The idea creeps me out.

How can anyone take this? I can't. I rather have 10 well wishings coming from people whom I know actually cared to remember than to have hordes of pretentious well wishings. It is unsettling. It made me sick throughout the day. I do know that without a reminder somewhere (ideally Facebook), most of our close friends will not remember my birthday. But that's fine. I don't think it's that important a day to warrant some memory nerves on so many people's brains. I won't pretend that I don't care about my birthday since I was obviously upset by this matter (or maybe just by the fact of the insincerity around). The secrecy of my birthday used to be caused my insecurity about "people know my birthday but they didn't care". I used to think that if they don't know and they forgot, that's less hurtful than if they know (through Facebook) and they still forgot.

Am I just sour about my negative popularity? Maybe. But no, I rather keep my birthday a secret, no thank you. I'd rather count my blessings on my fingers.

生活中太多的进退

生活有一百种 - 卢广仲。快二十三的我，生命里好像突然好多好多风波。源源不断，一个接着一个。

有人说，有什么事就问文钦吧。友人问他，'怎么讲?为何问文钦?'。 他说，不知道，问他就对了，文钦什么都懂。

可是我说，不，我不懂。我多希望我懂。在似乎坚强的外则里是懦弱，是疑惑。也可能是心僵硬了。再痛也只是痛。 但人终究是人。你一定看见了，我有的是人的心。那心就在你掌握之中。可能你觉得好玩。可能所有的人都觉得好玩。

我的邪恶守护天使对我说，你人太好了，你用人不值得那对待的态度来对待他们，然后你就一直输着。

可是我说，人生没这么容易。不用拼命的东西怎么会值得，怎么会珍惜?

他说，你看，那观念就是正在毁了你的态度。你有这么伟大么?

我想，对我来说，只要有美好回忆，那就够了。我有我的问题，你有你的顾虑。我不想，也不能要你任何的牺牲。这样很伟大吗? 自己一个人又不会怎么样。在付出多一些也不会死。有时候会累，会躲在浴室，站在里头愣着，反问反问自己在搞什么，生活的人一百条路应该怎么走。没答案，每一次都没答案。流下光脱脱的身体，也不知是水，还是泪。但感觉不错。少了一道墙，多了一披被。洗澡变成我唯一的解脱。奇怪吗?

但再柔弱的身体也能穿上盔甲。不是假装，只是要坚强起来。因为不可能只有我的生活辛苦，有挫折。你一定也有。你一定也会懦弱，会疑惑。你一定也会不懂。不只是我而已。

每一个人都有过去，都会犯错。你，我，所做的，已经是过去。我说过我不会顾虑任何人的过去。那我应该放下你和我的过去，再来过。但，我过得去么? 我不知道。很多应该只有我会知道的事我都不知道。

你痛哭过么?痛哭，假笑，好像是两边的极端。但在长大的时候才学到笑着哭最痛。在忍住时忍不住。可是笑着哭又常常是不美好中的最美好。那，不是很好吗?

断线的风筝，起初会飞得远，然后就掉下来，等待人来发现，修补，再飞天。你说要收线，别让线断了，等下次飞天的机会。可我没听。哪怕只是短暂的飞翔，那也值得。就算你注定擦肩而过，只要你开心。伟大? 你错了。 我也开心啊。我哭了，但我也笑了。那就够了。终有一天，我会对你的骗局了解，自己的欺骗醒悟，再傻笑。

生活就像河水，有进无退。在时间的流行中，你能停顿么? 会有一天，一百条路我得选一条。可惜的是，在这歇脚亭，一百条路还是模糊。而你，还是在遥远的平行河道，没有接近的暗示。

再然，我只能往前走。再累，也要继续走下去。因为有人在等我。

Tech Speak: Get Extra Space On Dropbox

Source: http://lifehacker.com/5881692/get-up-to-45gb-of-extra-space-on-dropbox-for-uploading-photos-and-videos

Increase your dropbox size by up to 5GB. This is part of Dropbox's experimental testing. Help them test their beta and earn free space. The new function to this beta is auto uploading of pictures/videos from your memory cards, cameras, handphones to dropbox. It's not exactly auto actually. When you insert your SD card into your computer, autoplay will show dropbox as an option (i.e. to say autoplay has to be enabled). Dropbox will auto detect your photos and copy them into a folder called "camera uploads" and starts uploading them into your dropbox. For every 500MB of data you uploaded this way, you get 500MB of free space. You get 500MB the first time you upload something, and in total you can get 5GB using this method.

 



I tried to copy photos I already have on my computer, put inside my SD card and then import them using autoplay. Dropbox said it did not detect any new photos. So I guess there's no easy way to trick the program. Still, this is a good method to gain more space for your dropbox.

Do make a backup of your dropbox folder just in case. I installed the beta without a hitch though. Information on how it works on Mac and Linux is in the forums post below. Download link for the beta is also there.

 

http://forums.dropbox.com/topic.php?id=52900

 

Ramblings: The Most Expensive Items I Own

I saw this thread on a forum. It's basically an open declaration to welcome people to come rob you. The thread starter ask everyone to list the top 10 most expensive items they have ever bought. No worries unlike their diamond rings, condos etc, I don't think mine are expensive enough for people to come and steal.

1) MSI GE600 16inch gaming laptop (laptop meant for university and gaming)

2) ASUS Eee Pad Transformer TF101 (tablet used for university and entertainment)

3) HTC Desire Z slide out keyboard phone (current phone)

4) Microsoft Zune HD 32GB Silver (21st birthday present, current PMP)

5) Sony PSP 2000 Silver (portable console meant for army)

6) Timbuk2 laptop backpack HAL (laptop bag for my 16 inch monster laptop)

7) Timbuk2 Classic Messenger S Size (messenger for university)

8) Sennheiser Classic CX300-II Chrome (current earpiece)

9) Braun Buffel wallet (Christmas gift, current wallet)

10) Canon Powershot 1000 (AA battery operated compact camera meant for travel)

Snippets of My Life: CNY Woes

In my paternal family, there are 5 branches altogether, i.e. to say my grandma had 5 children. All 5 branches have 3 kids each, and they all consist of 1 girl and 2 guys. In general, my cousins get married pretty much on a chronological order. There are 9 cousins (including my sister) older than me, one cousin my age and 4 cousins (including my brother) younger than me. So far 5 of my cousins are married/engaged. Before yesterday, I thought only 3 of my other older cousins are attached. That is to say I had one more older cousin who was still single. He was my shield. They'll get him before they get me. But yesterday he brought his girlfriend along. My shield was gone. My other cousin at the same age as me was attached long ago. I was alone.

I always wondered why other older friends grumble about getting asked about girlfriends and engagement stuff during CNY. It seemed like not big deal to me, until it happened to me. The questionings had to be the single most irritating thing the entire time I was at my grandma's house. Yap yap yap yap yap they went. Why no girlfriend? When are you bringing one back? All just because according to my age, I was the next in line. They asked another younger cousin as well but I think that's because they saw my extremely sian-ed-diao-ed face. When I was lo hei-ing with my family, I had this epic conversation with my second aunt.

Aunt: Wen Qin why you never wish for girlfriend when you lo hei?
Me: Er, I'm busy studying in university.
Aunt: Study also must find mah.
Me: But I got no time for girlfriend.
Aunt: No time also must find. Busy studying then she can support you.
Me: Huh? (What talking you?)

I fled the scene after a while. Spare me all these lah. I might never bring back a girlfriend for what that matters.

Brain Storm: What Is Love

A friend said she's doing a little experiment and asking all her friends to post on her wall what we think love is. This is my answer.

Love is wanting the best for someone, wanting him/her to be happy, and be happy when that happens, holding on though it's hard on you, letting go when it's hard on him/her.

 

Humans are selfish creatures. We want the best for ourselves. When we fall in love, it makes us happy, naturally. And we want the happiness to ourselves, so we pursue the happiness, or the person who gives us happiness. That's what love is, or so it seems. At least that's what I have always told myself in the past.

But reality isn't as nice as it seems. Sometimes, you being happy doesn't mean the other party will be happy. Sometimes it's just the wrong timing, place, or whatever. And at some point in time, you may find that you aren't happy even if you're with that person. So does this change the meaning of love? Does this mean you do not love that person anymore? I wouldn't think so necessarily. When a relationship between 2 persons bring pain, it doesn't mean love is absent. Sometimes it just mean that you have to love each other in a different way.

So in the end, I decided that love simply means wanting that person to be happy, rather than yourself. Personally I don't think we are that noble of a creature. If love means giving without expecting anything in return, wouldn't you find many people standing stupidly by the ones they love forever even though the love is not reciprocated? Sure the love may stay, but you have to move on right?

But still, we are selfish. We do gain something even by letting go. If you know letting go will be the best for the other person, you will be happy yourself. If you know that making that person happy in any other way except being with him/her, you will be happy yourself.

 

So after a while, I decided not to be selfish in the "I just want it for myself" way anymore. Because it's better off that way. I won't hold on anymore. And in the end I hope you'll be happier. Really.

Ramblings: So As To Not Regret

When I feel like I'm living a life of regrets, I tell myself that I'm thinking too much. Things wouldn't have turned out the way I wanted it anyway, it has nothing to do with my actions or whatnot.

Delusional? Maybe.

Brain Storm: Guarding The Age

Shou Sui (守岁) is something which I have been doing since I can remember, probably since kindergarten or something. It is to stay up when the clock strikes 12 midnight on Chinese New Year. It is believed, or so I have been told, that this extends your parents' life span.

I couldn't search the origins properly but it seems that it used to be called Shou Ye 守夜 which literally means guarding the night. In the myths, there was a monster called Nian (年) (translated to "year" in Chinese) who disrupts the lives of many, attacking villages late at night. The people finally found a way to scare the monster by creating loud noises. So they set off firecrackers and made a lot of noise on one night and scared off Nian. That day became Chinese New Year day and the celebration of the festival is known as Guo Nian (过年) which literally means "over the year", kinda meaning "passing the year". Shou Ye was the act of the villagers staying up to guard as Nian only attacks at night. In the end Shou Sui became the act of staying up to ward of evil spirits etc, which probably leads to your parents having a longer life.

In any case, I have been doing it for many years and when I was really young, I could only last till 2am at the start. Slowly I was able to stay up longer till 7am. However I was down with Bronchitis 3 years ago and I didn't stay up at all. Ever since then age has started catching up and I wasn't able to last that long anymore. Still, this is a tradition I hope to keep as much as possible.

Brain Storm: When We Meet Again

I just came back from a friend's mum's funeral. I recall reading an old blog written some 7 years ago. This newly graduated guy (7 years ago) also just went to a funeral and his friend told him that as we get older, the only times we will get to meet up with our close friends of yesteryears is during weddings or funerals. And it held true to some degree for him.

For myself, I met many friends whom I have not met for many years at the funeral. It wasn't a pleasant setting to say the least and I wondered if it would be true that from now on, the only time I'll see my close friends from secondary school and my JC friends would be during weddings and funerals. Though most of us are still in the university, there are quite a few couples readying themselves for marriage already. I guess the next time I'll see my friends again would be during those friends' wedding. Such is life.

Last year was a bad year. Many people passed away in 2011. I really hope that less people would pass away this year.

To my friend's mum, rest in peace.

Event: Significant Events of 2011

January

4 - 6 CAC Retreat at NSRCC

10 Had my first Production Meeting for CAC+US Concert 2011

14 First health screening by NUS which took 3 tubes of my blood to test for cancer and everything. Found out that my health level is not at normal level, but in fact at optimal level (really healthy)

28 Attended Angklung's first concert Cinderella: Shake The World

February

16 Missed my first lab in university because I forgot about it

19 Failed my first IPPT

21 - 22 CAC+US Concert rehearsal and actual. Most hectic period in my life

25 Student Appreciation Dinner. Almost got sabo-ed up to sing school song

March

2 - 4 Cultural Week 2011. Tank-ed all the shit caused by a certain person. Guarded the bazaar overnight on the last day with my IT Director and Welfare Director

9 EE1003 mid terms. First test in university which I actually wrote down "if you don't understand what I'm writing, don't worry, I also don't understand". Epic

12 - 13 NUS Open House. Spoke to NUS President for the first time

16 Attended NUS Safety and Crisis Management Workshop. Certified to be safety officer for all NUS events

20 Attended Voices Emerge 11 at St James

29 Attended first lecture of the month

Whole of March trying to clear up a big mess created by someone

Sometime in March, attended a full meeting with CAC Camp Committee without them realising that it was my birthday

April

1 Attended GTV #9

3 Attended NTU Impresario Finals

5 Attended Kent Ridge Ministerial Forum 2011, GOH PM Lee Hsien Loong

May

7 Voted for the first time, the hype is overrated

15 Leonard back for the  first time. Had beer gathering but obvious I didn't drink

21 Started my first RT at Khatib Camp

26 Attended Resonance The Inside Edition Concert 2011. Most expensive concert ever but so worth it

June

5 Went for Camp Comm Dry Run for CAC Social Camp

6 Crashed Engin Camp for a while with Eunice

9 - 12 Worked at PC Show for the first time at Harvey Norman ASUS booth. Appointed Sector Leader and held highest number of sales

13 - 15 Went for Camp Dry Run for CAC Social Camp

18 Had first Xinmin Alumni BBQ. Attendance was pathetic

July

2 Finally passed RT-IPPT after collapsing twice during 2.4km run

4 - 7 CAC Social Camp 2011. We had a great time!

9 Felicia's 21st birthday party

11 - 15 First reservist with my unit

16 Had a hearty dinner at Medz with my platoon

21-22 25-26 Matric Fair

25 Durian buffet with the platoon

August

31 - 4 Engin Oweek. Councillor of Turks OG. They think of me as the fierce guy

1 Freshmen Inauguration Ceremony. Sang the school song twice on stage

9 Attended Rag Day with Turks

10 Treated by Danny at Carousel for celebration that he became a scholar

18 Sent Leonard off at the airport

27 CAC Elections and Presidential Voting Day

September

7 Birthday surprise at Technoedge for Jia Jian

8 Queued up at IT Show for HP Touchpad since 8am with Hai. Didn't get it

9 CAC AGM, finally stepped down

10 Attended Zhi Wei's 21st birthday party

16 Went for Supernova Rock Concert at Utown

17 Attended NUSSU's elections

October

7 Attended NUSSU's Appreciation Dinner

12 Attended Student Leader's Appreciation Lunch

20 Had a EE gathering at Wala Wala, decided that it'll be an annual thing

November

Prep for finals

December

6 - 9 Went on a trip to Penang with CS. It was rejuvenating and fun!

25 Annual gathering with Xinmin gang on Christmas

27 Sent Edwin off

Event: The Year of Realisation and Growth

Every year I type out my resolutions before the year ends or when the year just started. This year I started writing this 3 days befre the year ended. I think a lot really happened this year. I can safely say that this is the toughest year I ever had in my entire life. People came and left my life. Things which I never thought will happen to me happened. And on top of all these external factors which I can't control, I realise much of my drama life this year occured because of my own incompetence and weakness. Before a relook on 2011, I will look at my resolutions for 2011 as usual.

My res­o­lu­tion for 2011:

1) Study harder. I need to regain back the dis­ci­pline which I have in JC.

Fail. Mega fail. I didn't even get back 1/4 of my discipline. Someone please spank me.

2) Regain back my lead­er­ship capa­bil­i­ties and style. I haven’t got­ten back fully into momen­tum. After see­ing how the other lead­ers lead their peo­ple with their own char­ac­ter­is­tics, I need to go back into my swing as well. More charisma which I am lack­ing will be a nice touch as well.

I think I got into my own style after a while though there's muh to improve. It's a pity that I got jaded pretty early in the year. Some people did mention about my charisma though. I'll just pretend that they were sincere about it.

3) Less pro­cras­ti­na­tion. There were things which I was sup­posed to do in 2010 which I still have not done. Sorry just won’t cut it and I need to learn to shake off the lazy feeling.

The busy year made this worse. Enough said. I can't even remember what I was supposed to do.

4) Think of what I’d regret. I man­aged to make 2010 a bet­ter one than I’d expected. But there were a few deci­sions which were still not promptly and sen­si­bly made. My term of office will end sooner than I think and I will really have to con­sider care­fully what I have, what I lack, what I want and what I need before decid­ing where to head to next. I also think that I am lack­ing quite a bit of life now. This is a good time to think about what I really want in life. Do I just want a nicer resume? Do I really need to take up all these com­mit­ments? Where will they get me and it is that necessary?

I don't think my brain was working more than half the time this year.

5) Stay fit. After talk­ing to many seniors, they seem to be able to han­dle study­ing and keep­ing fit at the same time. Some­how I just feel exhausted all the time. I guess this has to do with learn­ing to adapt to my new uni­ver­sity life and to stop procrastinating.

I was lied to. There were all unfit. And I fell to the dark side as well. I failed my IPPT but eventually passed it on the third 8th RT session after collapsing 2 times during 2.4km run. It was ultra pathetic. Further, I missed silver by 5 seconds. Darn.

6) Spend less money on use­less things. I think my per­son­al­ity as a spend­thrift has declined a lot, but it’s still not enough. I can do bet­ter and really need to keep track of my spend­ing I suppose.

This spendthrift side of me became better but my income also dropped a lot because of the lack of tuitions I have. In fact I thrived on only 1 tuition for 3/4 of the year before finally having another one. Even then my income was too low. Subsequently my spending habits didn't decrease proportionately.

7) Trea­sure my time with my loved ones. Spend more time with them.

I think I did less of that due to my crazy commitments.

8 ) Learn to be more punc­tual. I think I am gen­er­ally quite punc­tual for meet­ings but this month I was late for almost every sin­gle one of them. Time to man­age my tim­ing properly.

A leopard can't change his spots. But at least the lateness decreased.

9) Rest more. Sleep when I’m sup­posed to sleep.

This didn't happen at all.

 

2011 was the worst year I ever had in my entire life. Many things happened. Many things which I don't want to remember. A few important people entered my life. A few left. The entire year was a flash. It was a blur. Or maybe it's just me trying to forget what happened.

The first half of the year was rather peaceful. My results was not good but nothing much happened. It was blissful but I was greedy. I was dissatisfied. Maybe it would have turned out this way anyhow. A flood of events just kept coming and I couldn't handled them wave after wave. I realised a lot of things. I realised that other people surrounding you can have more impact on you than you think. I realised that ultimately the person who controls your own life is yourself. But most of all I realised that all these are just petty talk. Over the years  I have given much life advice to other people. I was told I sounded experienced and wise. But when you fall yourself, it's different. It's easier said than done. I should have walked away but I didn't. And I knew I should have.

I also learnt that everyone is out there to get me. Or at least that's the mentality I should have. Everyone is trying to screw me over. And there I am, an open book, allowing people to exploit me, allowing myself to commit when I shouldn't, allowing myself to be blinded. So there I have learnt. Nobody is nice. Everyone is selfish. So I should learn to close myself up. I thought I was good at that but apparently I wasn't. Nobody was going to teach me all these. But now life has, and now I know.

I think I understood myself better. Despite me knowing that I have been screwed over, deep inside I still categorise those screw-ers as people who are important to me. So I have to cut it off right from the beginning the next time. Scared and scarred, that's about enough deterrence I hope, that I will be more vigilant.

"Chances" are another type of player. When I was too afraid to lose my chance, I overdid things. When I wanted to take it slow, the chances evade me. Then I keep thinking of how I regret losing something or something because of "wrong timings". I never believed in "if it is meant to be, it will be". I believe in "if it is meant to be, you still need to work for it." So now I don't know what to believe in.

I also made a few pretty impactful decisions and opened up to my close friends. I'm not sure if it was a wise decision yet but I suppose at least it has not backfired so far.

I don't think I have many resolutions for 2012 which are different.

1) Keep fit and pass my IPPT within the first holidays.

2) Study way harder.

3) Hone my focus. This includes not setting expectations on things which I shouldn't and setting expectations on things I should. Walking away when I'm supposed to, sleeping when I should be.

4) Manage my money better.

5) Learn some new skills, java would be good.

I'm exhausted. I used to be confident. I thought I lost it. But I think it's still there, and because of this blinded confidence, I thrust myself into something which I think I knew better when I don't. I'll walk slower this year. But I'll be steady. I find myself back. I won't let my friends miss the old me too much.

2012 will be a better year, because nothing can be worse than 2011. I'll survive, you watch.