Brain Storm: The One Left Behind

Spoiler ahead for the short film Time.

So I went for a screening of a few films with the theme "The One Left Behind". You can probably guess what is it about. I didn't really appreciate half of it. But one of it was quite sad.

The film opens with an ex couple sitting facing each other. The guy tries to show concern for the girl. The girl replies to his questions by writing on a piece of paper, as if she can't speak.

The guy ask her how is she. She did not reply to the question, instead she ask him why did he go and why did he not say a thing when he left. The guy replied that he couldn't.

The film switches to the girl's point of view, looking at the corner of the table. The chair of the guy is empty with only his shirt on it.

Back to frontal view, the girl continues to write emotional stuff. She ask if he would stay there for her. He said he doesn't know, only she would know. He promised to be there for as long as he can, but yet says he cannot promise.

She writes if she made him happy. Again he said he doesn't know, only she would know.

The film switches to the girl's point of view. The chair is empty again. Then she stands up, and starts speaking out and apologising that she didn't mean to blame him.

 

I only guessed what really happened at the end when she started speaking out. The subtle hints that the script writer used was quite good. You probably can guess what happened. The guy has died, without saying good bye. From the start, the girl was writing a letter to him because he wasn't there to listen. He said he doesn't know if she made him happy because he's not there to tell her anymore, so she has to believe whatever she thinks is the case, whether she did or she did not.

In many stages of our lives, we live people behind. No matter what your excuse is, when you move on to the next segment of your life, someone is bound to be left behind. Naturally a more powerful occurrence is when you leave someone dear to you, or vice versa.

I guess a lot of times, there are things we take for granted when we're attached to someone, knowledge that we assume to be the truth. When the detachment happens, you wonder things like why did it have to end up like that, what went wrong, and if the whole relationship meant something at all. Even if the detachment did not come from death, it is unlikely that you'll be able to get the answer anyway. Even if you did get an answer, it's probably just a patronizing one.

"Did I make you happy?" No answer, only what you believe it to be.

But I hope I did.

Tech Speak: Zombies, Run!

I recently picked up a running app which is for sale in hopes to keep up my resolution of keeping healthy. Like any other running app, it keeps track of your distance and timing. However the key difference is you play missions to make running fun. Zombies, Run! is a story where you're in a zombie infested world (aren't we in all the games?) where you play as a runner for Abel town doing missions which requires you to, well, run. Putting on your ear piece, the app will play the mission out to you during "cut scenes" and in between stories you can choose to play music as well as let zombies chase you. If you choose to let the zombies chase you, you will have to pick up your pace when they get closer. This adds to the fun. You will also pick up items along the way which you can use to upgrade your town facilities such as hospitals. Though the storyline may say stuff like "the zombies are right ahead, you need head right" or "I need you to cut into the abandoned hospital to get some medicine", you just need to keep going straight. No safety concerns here except when you need to speed up if the zombies are after you.

If there's one complaint I have, it's the review of your runs can only be done on their website zombiesrungame.com. However the review is quite detailed as you can see below. You can even see your speed and route. Upgrading of your town can be done in the app or on a browser.

The app cost $9.81 SGD usually and is going at 50% off, $4.90 SGD for "new year resolution sale". The sale has been around for quite a long time so I suggest you get it soon before it ends. There's another version which gives you a training program so that you can reach a running distance of 5km at one go as well. It's quite a bit cheaper and going at 75% off now but I think Zombies, Run! is a better choice.

Zombies, Run!

Zombies Run! 5k Training

Ramblings: Lousy Celebrator

I think there's something about me being a companion for birthdays. It seems that I totally suck at it. I guess it's partly because of the unromantic-ism that I've been accused of having. The last 3 people I celebrated birthdays with all had a bad time. In fact I think they all forgot about it already. I think people would steer clear of me from now on. When will I learn?

Event: Significant Events of 2012

January

1 Cycling on New Year with Qing Song

4 New year KTV with the gang

14 Made Pineapple tarts with Calvin and friends

February

10 Made V-day roses orders

13 V-day dinner 1

14 V-day dinner 2

18 CAC+US concert with Qing Song

22 Tested negative for HIV

March

10 Celebrated my birthday with Qing Song

15 Celebrated our birthdays with Calvin

16 Celebrated my birthday with EE gang

17 Attended NUS Open House

17 Celebrated my birthday with Tsun Wang and Guan Wen

17 Got severe food poisoning

31 Attended HTC One X opening ceremony with Hai

April

1 OG chalet and BBQ

4 Attended Kent Ridge Ministerial Forum

20 Shop for snacks for exams

26 End of exams

May

8 Demise of HTC Desire Z

12 Celebrated Qing Song's birthday with him

15 Meet up with Leonard and 2E4 gang

25 Trip to Zoo with platoon mates

27 Yet Con dinner with the gang

June

2 Wushu gathering

9 Resonance concert Vocal Obsession V

12 Got a iphone 3GS from Jason

15 Met brother's teachers and taught them a lesson for being incompetent

16 BBQ with Turks OG

25 Massage at Roxy Square

July

5 Danny's birthday celebration with the gang

12 Attended senior's commencement ceremony

19 CAC Camp gathering

27 Special Semester finals

August

4 - 8 Engin Oweek with new OG Necro

7 Send Danny off

10 Rag day

20 Send brother off to Japan

24 Send Leonard off

September

8 CAC internal elections

22 Chin Hua's farewell dinner

October

21 Celebrated Hai's birthday with him

27 Went to USS Halloween with OG mates

28 Went for Starbucks members sale

November

9 Send Zuli off

13 - 17 Project Presentations

17 Attended Adeline's 21st birthday party

December

4 End of exams

5 Gathering with the gang

10 Bidding farewell

10 - 15 ICT

25 Christmas brunch at Food For Thought with EE gang

Brain Storm: Reflection Coefficients

2011 was the worst year I ever had. 2012 wasn't easy too. In fact I think it was way worse. But somehow it didn't feel as bad, I think I'm really worn down already. At the tender age of 23? I think I'm still too young to be so negative. But there you have it. Desensitization is bound to happen if events come one after another. Perhaps it's because I have learnt nothing. In the end the year of 2012 was a lousy one cause all I faced was false accusations one after another. At the end of the way I don't even know if it's because I didn't put in enough effort, I was oblivious to the situations, or I simply weren't doing it right. I had enough of the fate shit so well it's time to blame someone. Me or someone else I don't know but enough of the destiny shit. I got to know some new friends but I'm glad I kept them as friends and nothing more. Enough complications with my life right now.

I think from now on resolutions shouldn't be "goals". It's just not gonna work. Instead, resolutions should function like motivations which serve to make you a happier person. It can be long term or short term. If I want to be a better person, I would be able to do that if I'm happier. So first, let's make myself happy and maybe healthier first.

Okay here's the review of the past year's resolutions.

1) Keep fit and pass my IPPT within the first holidays.

Failed and need to do RT by march. Sigh.

2) Study way harder.

Studies have stablized. Not good, but at least I'm not sinking anymore.

3) Hone my focus. This includes not setting expec­ta­tions on things which I shouldn't and setting expec­ta­tions on things I should. Walking away when I’m supposed to, sleeping when I should be.

I think I totally didn't keep this in mind the entire year. I was just cemented into the ground and stuck on the same page not even trying to escape.

4) Man­age my money better.

Well I think in this aspect I did far better this year despite the fact that I had very little tuition and income. Or maybe it's because someone else was keeping me afloat for at least the first half of the year. Maybe.

5) Learn some new skills, java would be good.

Well I didn't learn any skills. Maybe I know a bit more about C but that's it.

 

Right now I'm still dealing with all the problems that rolled over from 2011. Actually they're all over already. But I'm choosing to cling on like the idiot that my evil twin says I am. But hey a boring life is a not fun either. Not that it's fun now. Most of 2012 was a stalemate anyway. There wasn't any game to play except to make myself feel pitied yet dignified. On the bright side, it's not affecting me so much now. For the first time in my university life, I actually understood what I was reading. I think I got used to it already. But I suppose there's enough of a stalemate so far. In 2013, there should be some progress of some form. Maybe not in my emotional life, but it's time to pick up internship and look at how I'm gonna live in the future. It won't be long before I graduate. Let's get on it.

 

For 2013, some goals and resolutions would be,

1) Keeping my health up.

More fruits, healthier meals, more exercises. I think my waist is finally not holding up anymore. Maybe 24 years old would be the gone case year for me. Better watch it. Also thinking of taking up Mix Martial Arts but that's more for me to bash people up. We'll see about that.

2) Pick up a new skill

Seriously, still java. I better start on it.

3) Blog more. Look into freelance writing.

My alternate blog has been under going preparations since forever. Maybe I can earn some income with this.

4) Learn to heck care and accept my situation

I think a lot of times it's less painful to be hopeful and just accept what is happening. Second guessing what is possibly happening is the worst route to go. Assume the worst, shut off the world.

5) Shun unappreciative people

Like people who forget about the big things I do for them. Shall try to be as not petty as possible. But honestly this lack of appreciation is haunting me with angst and emo-ness.

6) Learn to hate

Takes time but with enough darkness I think I can hone love into hate. Let's try.

7) Not be a hypocrite

I need to chant this mantra from now on. I hate liars, so I shall not lie. I hate people who don't appreciate me, so I shall show my appreciation. I hate emotional deceiving people so I shall try not to lead people on.

8) Keep others out of my emotional life until further notice.

Sorry sweethearts, I'll take a year to recuperate. I want to deal with what are already in my hands.

 

I think I should print this out and paste this on my desk.