2011 was the worst year I ever had. 2012 wasn't easy too. In fact I think it was way worse. But somehow it didn't feel as bad, I think I'm really worn down already. At the tender age of 23? I think I'm still too young to be so negative. But there you have it. Desensitization is bound to happen if events come one after another. Perhaps it's because I have learnt nothing. In the end the year of 2012 was a lousy one cause all I faced was false accusations one after another. At the end of the way I don't even know if it's because I didn't put in enough effort, I was oblivious to the situations, or I simply weren't doing it right. I had enough of the fate shit so well it's time to blame someone. Me or someone else I don't know but enough of the destiny shit. I got to know some new friends but I'm glad I kept them as friends and nothing more. Enough complications with my life right now.
I think from now on resolutions shouldn't be "goals". It's just not gonna work. Instead, resolutions should function like motivations which serve to make you a happier person. It can be long term or short term. If I want to be a better person, I would be able to do that if I'm happier. So first, let's make myself happy and maybe healthier first.
Okay here's the review of the past year's resolutions.
1) Keep fit and pass my IPPT within the first holidays.
Failed and need to do RT by march. Sigh.
2) Study way harder.
Studies have stablized. Not good, but at least I'm not sinking anymore.
3) Hone my focus. This includes not setting expectations on things which I shouldn't and setting expectations on things I should. Walking away when I’m supposed to, sleeping when I should be.
I think I totally didn't keep this in mind the entire year. I was just cemented into the ground and stuck on the same page not even trying to escape.
4) Manage my money better.
Well I think in this aspect I did far better this year despite the fact that I had very little tuition and income. Or maybe it's because someone else was keeping me afloat for at least the first half of the year. Maybe.
5) Learn some new skills, java would be good.
Well I didn't learn any skills. Maybe I know a bit more about C but that's it.
Right now I'm still dealing with all the problems that rolled over from 2011. Actually they're all over already. But I'm choosing to cling on like the idiot that my evil twin says I am. But hey a boring life is a not fun either. Not that it's fun now. Most of 2012 was a stalemate anyway. There wasn't any game to play except to make myself feel pitied yet dignified. On the bright side, it's not affecting me so much now. For the first time in my university life, I actually understood what I was reading. I think I got used to it already. But I suppose there's enough of a stalemate so far. In 2013, there should be some progress of some form. Maybe not in my emotional life, but it's time to pick up internship and look at how I'm gonna live in the future. It won't be long before I graduate. Let's get on it.
For 2013, some goals and resolutions would be,
1) Keeping my health up.
More fruits, healthier meals, more exercises. I think my waist is finally not holding up anymore. Maybe 24 years old would be the gone case year for me. Better watch it. Also thinking of taking up Mix Martial Arts but that's more for me to bash people up. We'll see about that.
2) Pick up a new skill
Seriously, still java. I better start on it.
3) Blog more. Look into freelance writing.
My alternate blog has been under going preparations since forever. Maybe I can earn some income with this.
4) Learn to heck care and accept my situation
I think a lot of times it's less painful to be hopeful and just accept what is happening. Second guessing what is possibly happening is the worst route to go. Assume the worst, shut off the world.
5) Shun unappreciative people
Like people who forget about the big things I do for them. Shall try to be as not petty as possible. But honestly this lack of appreciation is haunting me with angst and emo-ness.
6) Learn to hate
Takes time but with enough darkness I think I can hone love into hate. Let's try.
7) Not be a hypocrite
I need to chant this mantra from now on. I hate liars, so I shall not lie. I hate people who don't appreciate me, so I shall show my appreciation. I hate emotional deceiving people so I shall try not to lead people on.
8) Keep others out of my emotional life until further notice.
Sorry sweethearts, I'll take a year to recuperate. I want to deal with what are already in my hands.
I think I should print this out and paste this on my desk.
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