The verdict came out a few days ago. NUS rejected me for their scholarship. NUS' University Scholarship Programme also rejected me. I am only left with IDA's local NIS and NTU. I doubt I'll get NTU and one of my friend has already confirmed his overseas NIS so I doubt I'll get it too. Heck, I didn't even go for the interviews. I got outright rejected. Yeah I sort of predicted it. Who will want someone with lousy results like mine?
I always wanted to be extraordinary. Throughout my life, I have always been applying for this, appealing for that. And I always get it. Army was the first place where I was less than extraordinary, I wasn't even ordinary then. I was less than that. I was proven that society was harsher than I ever thought it to be. And for the first time, I had to consider and even accept being in the social norm.
Being introverted, I dislike taking initiative. Yet another side of me knows I want to do something bigger. I want to be different. Maybe it's better than I get rejected anyway.
When I got rejected, I always blame myself for being stupid. For the first time in 3 years (since I enlisted, and stupid army woes don't count), I was really unhappy. I feel dejected, when everyone else around me got scholarships or are going overseas to study (okay not everyone. but a lot of them). Maybe I should have studied harder for A Levels. Then again. I already studied very hard for them. So I'm just stupid afterall. Okok, someone's going to say that I did not really study very hard cause I didn't really study a certain subject and I got a C for that...
Oh well. I just hope other doors of opportunities are still out there. And I hope I get off my lazy ass to find them. I can't imagine a life being ordinary.
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